Aw, I love it. I especially like the first two stanzas, and the last two. Start well, end well. It would be nice if you wrote it a little bit longer, but I suppose you did keep it short and sweet. I can never write poetry very well, so I am always impressed when I see one like this. Great job!
It's an interesting story, but it needs a little more imagination put into it. The last half seems like the typical, "She liked him and he liked her, but he didn't think she liked him." I don't know if one of your keys are broken or not, but it seems there are a lot of, "â" where there shouldn't be. My suggestion would be to think of a story outside of the box, and try using stronger verbs and descriptive adjectives.
I really like your descriptions in this short story! The second to last paragraph I enjoyed especially. His, "disproportion between memory and present." gave me a good laugh. It wasn't very clear to me why he thought the creatures were not at fault, but that's just me. Keep up the good work!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nikaohill
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 7:14pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
