This is a good start to a story that can be special with some development. I like the fact that Bret is decisive and knows that he wants Noreen to be in his life. I think there should be obstacles. What if Noreen had other plans instead of giving in so easily? Conflict also adds to a story, even in if it's just the beginning for the characters. Noreen should tell Bret that she has to go on a business trip or something; making that first kiss more poignant and cause Bret to value what they have more. Thumbs up to a good story idea that was well written and shows a lot of possibility.
Autumn is my favorite season. Your brought back memories of my childhood when I walked through crimson trees with the smell of wood fire in the air. Your poem was rhythmic
and balanced and hit upon my emotions. Good writing does that to the reader. Awesome work!
This was a very interesting story. As any writer knows, getting the reader's attention at the beginning is tricky. What's even more tricky is keeping it. You did well in that regard.
I was riveted to the story and was carried by its action to the end. As popular as vampires are in fiction yours was not a typical one. He had a level of humanity that I respected.
Thanks for a good read.
Your poem had great rhythm and was visual. I could your Lancelot in my mind. You did a good job of putting me as a reader where I should have been; within the action of the poem. Nicely done.
This work was very deep and touching. The voice was strong ans words poignant and
rhythmic. I loved reading and wished there was more. When a writer leaves the reader
wanting more, it's a good day. Thanks for sharing this wonderful work.
This a great read.; very visual and tangible. I liked the images the story provoked and it was very entertaining. I had fun reading it. Excellent work!
I liked this story. it was fast-moving and put me right where the action is. All story elements were there to illustrate action and the language was crisp and flowed well. Nice job!
This is a good story. After the first paragraph I was hooked. Grabbing a reader's attention from the start is the hallmark of good writing. Excellent! The characters were fresh and believable and fit well with the premise of plot. I liked the paranormal element in the story as well. Wonderful work!!
I loved this! Your poem touched me where I was wondering what happened to my own
imagination. The images your words invoked were vivid and your poem flowed very well.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful work!
Everyone loves quickies!! I thought was well written and moved smoothly. Your characters
could anyone I knew going through the same situation which made your story work. Great job!
Great work! This piece was emotional and tugged at own emotions as I read it. I could feel what your character felt and was pleasantly surprised at how the piece was written.
I liked everything about it. Excellent job.
I loved this because it reminded me of when I made snow angels as a child. I had a
smile on my face the entire time while reading it because you brought back pleasant
memories. It is the job of the writer to evoke emotion through their writing. I applaud
you for that. Your poem was well-written and it flowed nicely with smooth rhythm.
Great job!!!
I've been to Paris and visited Notre Dame, so I get that conjures romance as does
Paris itself. Your story took me back to my visit there and could see the images you
wrote about. You drew me into the story and kept me interested. Nice work!
A well written narrative about the of clowns and overcoming it. The story caught and
held my interest from the beginning (I had to get beyond the prune juice), but overall, I
liked the way your story flowed. You write with a great sense of language and the story
moved well. Nice work!
Great story! It's full of action and in that I mean the story moved along at a reasonable
pace and kept me reading to the end. You handled characterization and dialog quite
well and I could see the your characters clearly in my head. Excellent work!
The story was engaging and taut. I read it with great anticipation. The characters were
well-defined and clear. The end had a twist and was perfect for the story. Great work!
I loved it. A world without chocolate would be damn boring indeed! You taught me a lot
about chocolate in your piece and had me wanting to try some of the brands listed in
your piece. The job of a writer to convince the reader that the subject of his work is worthy
of further attention. Nicely done!!
Well done, well written and well rounded. This piece was vivid and alive with fresh
language. It kept me hooked until the end and I was left wanting more. Awesome work!
Well-written and very personal. I loved your word usage and the your ability to
put me where you were (even after my puzzling break-up with my own
Valentine of too many years that's ridiculous!) Take the squishy teddy bear and
write a story about it. As for the lasagna? That's a wonderful touch. Nice work!
What else could I rate this? It was an incredible story. It had action and mystery
and it kept me reading until the very end. The plot was well executed and the
story moved well. The twist at the end was handled with great skill. Excellent
work!!!
Very touching. I felt the pain of the character as I read to poem. You did well
to stir the emotions of your reader; to touch as well as entertain. A job well
done.
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