Loved it! Aside from the usual features (Great grammar etc.) I found that I did just simply enjoy reading it. There were a lot of times throughout this when I was completely involved in the story, and this was extremely developed writing in order to make me as a reader, put simply, read.
Improvement:
I would have liked to see an extended version of this, a longer piece of writing, to make me more enhanced into the story. Although it was great, I felt it had been cut too short for my liking.
Finally:
This was one of my favourites, well done. Keep writing, great job. You don't seem to have my problem of slipping up the tenses, so bravo!
I think you kept a great pace in piece of writing, it really stood out to me. There was great dialogue and it was easy to play the scenes out in my head. However, I think you could improve on your description of the rooms and people which are featured in your story. Also, I believe you could improve on the plot line, maybe add a more risky conclusion? Overall I really liked it, and was involved in the story from start to finish. Great writing, keep it up. I hope this review helps.
This was a good story to read, it had great attention to detail, and really let me play the scenes out in my head. It had great pace throughout but I do think that adding more events to the story would let the reader become more enhanced into the story. For example, you could delve more into the thoughts and fears of the character. You have a great plot line, and a very ominous ending, well done! Overall I think you did a good job. Keep it up, I hope this review helps.
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