I've never ever seen a story written about a disease. Sure, some were about someone devastated by disease, but never about the disease itself. You've done this, wonderfully, and I am very glad you did. I enjoyed it very much~
There's lots of impressive similes. I really like the part where you wrote about the disease being smitten with the heart's beat. It was very creative, something that I doubt anyone else would have come up with. The ending was memorable too, showing the wickedness of the disease, and how it killed many people in order to live on. The part where the disease "savors red cells, sucking on them like sweet red lollipops" was vaguely humorous, in an odd way. I guess I've never even come close to thinking of red cells that way.
Very small, but there's one mistake that I caught. In the fourth stanza, you wrote, "It believes, your a present..." Again, it didn't make the poem any less appealing, but I think the 'your' is supposed to be a 'you're'.
Great job on this, because--no lie--it has to be one of the best poems I've ever read.
Haha, and the whole thing starts over again, I guess? Wow, this was a great story of Alice in Wonderland. I never even noticed that Ecila spelled Alice backwards. I just thought it was a funny name and moved on. And it's really ironic for Julian that his sister was watching Alice in Wonderland. It's also funny how he got sick, just like he told his parents. I guess now no one will believe him except for Dinah.
One of the best parts of this story was the room, Where You Be Headed. That was hilarious, with the double meaning. When I read about Julian entering the small door, I half expected the rabbit to run in shouting, "I'm late, I'm late!" And I'm going to guess that Jabberwocky (one of the best names for your pet cat) is the Cheshire Cat. Though you never mentioned Jabberwocky disappearing in front of Julian.
Again, nicely written. Very smooth, and I like the way that the characters sometimes spoke with a different dialect. Compliments on the ending too. It was simple, yet humorous. I hope Dinah has better luck in Wonderland.
This was really good. I feel so sorry for Jenna. I wonder what she'll do now; what will happen to her? The song lyrics were a nice addition; it really fits Jenna's dilemma nicely. Or not so nicely, with her dad and all.
Anyway, I really liked this. I was wondering what the picture at the beginning had to do with it. Int the first scene, I didn't think that her father had died of drowning. Rather, I thought his death was because of the alcohol. Of course, the drowning still made a lot of sense. It's sad what happened to Jenna's family, and just by one car accident. I wonder if Jenna's dad was nicer when her mother still lived. Personally, I don't think he deserved to die in that manner, but I guess the ending reflected that. Even if her father didn't deserve to drown, I think Jenna was right to not help him. A bit confusing, huh?
You did an amazing job with this. It all made sense by the end; your writing was impeccable. You portrayed her father as an alcoholic very well, and it was completely believable. The only thing that threw me off (and not by a lot) was when you changed the scenes in the beginning to a flashback. I didn't catch on immediately, but that might just be my fault.
That was a really nice ending; it made me laugh out loud (which attracted a couple of odd stares from my parents...). I feel sorry for Mr. Mukerjee, because he has to wait longer to see his son, but he doesn't seem that fazed. I guess he can wait longer to meet Arjun again. Truthfully, when Mrs. Stevenson called, I thought that something bad had happened to Arjun, but I guess not. I'm happy that Arjun was doing okay, even doing better than expected.
I really like this story, for some reason. It's short, but it's also humorous. It flowed smoothly, and I couldn't detect any grammar or spelling errors. I definitely didn't expect the story to end like this; at least, I expected Mr. Mukerjee to meet his son again. I like this ending better though.
Hah, this was an interesting concept. It's a huge change for Lee, from an office worker to a Guardian. I wonder what Lee is the Guardian of. The Earth? The Universe? It seems Lee hasn't even discovered the extent of her powers either. I would've felt at least a pinch of remorse for the men Lee killed, but I guess they really had committed a lot of crimes.
There were a bit of grammar errors here and there. You would sometimes mistype a word like so:
'A man came to my cubicle gave my legs and appreciate look' --paragraph 2. I guessed that the word you meant to write was 'an' instead of 'and'. They really weren't all the noticeable or important, but it's little things like this that could make a reader lose interest in the story.
On other notes, I think you began and ended the story very strongly. My attention was piqued immediately after reading your first line, because it isn't often a person truly begins their life with something that would have killed any other person. Your ending was awesome too, because it left a strong impression on me. It's slightly mystifying, hopeful, and conclusive, so I think you did an excellent job with that.
The only thing left to say is that even though it is explainable, Lee seems a bit too overpowered. Being able to kill so easily like that, lifting a buried ship out of the ground, pulling it into hyper drive, and still being able to blast alien space ships is cool, awesome in real life, but unrealistic. Unless there are stronger foes in (if they exist) later parts of this fiction, you might have to tone down Lee's power.
All in all, you did a great job with the flow of the story, and it was a brilliant idea having a Guardian in hiding like that. Keep writing!
I laughed at the ending, when Athenais and Ragnar got into a fight. It looks like Morgan's the real one in charge, even if Athenais doesn't want to admit it. It also looks like the colonists have /almost/ everything planned out. I doubt it'll all go according to plan though. Athenais's father will find a way to screw it up.
Woah, that's a huge plot twist. I really don't trust Smallfoot. I think he'll sell them out for the money, which is definitely a bad thing because I've found that Ragnar's really cool. I liked his history, sneaking on to the ship like that.
The beginning was funny, with everyone arguing and making fun of each other. It's lucky for the colonists that they decided to help, but I don't know what they're going to pay with. And since this chapter focused mainly on the topic of shifters, I wonder what the big deal with them is. Other than the fact that they can shift. I recall you mentioning that most of them had died. I wonder how?
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