Definitely get a sense of the narrator's weariness. The image of an exhausted cowboy as a personification of the occupation itself is very clever. I liked the part towards the end when the horse was referenced, "jarring sway" really gave a good picture in my head.
As a critique, perhaps something other than "been through thick and thin" could add more depth, as that phrase is a touch cliche. Perhaps something more specific to the cowboy experience?
This poem has some of the classic workings of a ballad. Very enjoyable. This seems like a poem that could be easily extended to three times its lengths. How did the two first meet? The run and chase is exciting, but it never comes to a head. I would like to see what happens when the lovers are discovered, or perhaps if they never are and escape to old age.
I kind of like the "sailor song" feel to this sonnet. I find it to always be tricky to force thoughts into a structure, especially when you have to use required words.
Here's the thing. I think you are counting celestial as 2 syllables, it's 3. ce -lest - ial. Puts your syllable count to 9 in your first line and penultimate line.
Also, it seems to me the reds and pinks line belongs in the second stanza related to stains. I'd expect something more stormy in the first section.
I really enjoyed this poem. There is a great contrast (no pun intended) between your memory and the photograph. You did a wonderful job with the contest, the words you needed to use were woven in seemlessly.
The only thing that really threw me here was the punctuation. I think the poem flows fine without it, the line breaks themselves give the pauses you are looking for. Something to experiment with anyway.
I like the theme of the poem, it is contrary to many other kinds of mountain top images.
Not sure if you were trying to adhere to a strict syllable count, but that could help the rhythm of the poem. For instance the last lines are 6/7/8/6.
Here's one way to get the lines to six syllables a piece
I so wished that I was blind....take out "so" or "that"
but a journey that sends me creeps....the journey sent me creeps
Fun quirky historic tale. In the second paragraph, the first sentence could be split into two sentences. I also assumed that when Archgallo was overthrown, that meant he died. I was surprised to find him wandering the woods later. Perhaps a detail that the nobles banished him to the country would help.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nateworrell
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:40am on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "