This has a lot of potential to be a good poem. The only issue with it is (In my opinion) that it needs to be significantly condensed. Some sentences are to long and it doesn't flow. Ive quickly done a small example below:
Your words:
------------------
Daddy was a victim
Of someone’s cruel game.
What those people did,
Led my family through so much pain.
How I would maybe have wrote it:
------------------
Daddy a victim,
Evil's cruel game.
What these people did,
Led my family through pain.
If you read both of the paragraphs through see which one flows better.
Excellent work, I have just written a poem about 9/11 also, I would appreciate it if you could take a look at it and let me know what you think. It can be found in my portfolio.
It was a tragic day, full of inconsistencies in the official story. Was it a inside job to justify action in the middle east? In my opinion everything was executed a little too well for a bunch of terrorists armed with box cutters.
What an entertaining and very comical little tale. I like they way it puts city boys out of their depth in the country yet they succeed. I was a little bit confused at the beginning as to what the story was going to be but that soon became clear. Thanks for a fun read.
What a great little piece of writing, you can tell just by reading it that you know how to handle words and you obviously love to write. Reading this has made me want to go and look at your other works. I would offer some critisism but there is nothing to criticise. Well done.
A great article, like you say, the more member drawn to the site the better it will be for all involved. I'm going to add links to my signatures on all forums I'm a member of. I only joined a few day ago but already feel like this is a community that I will stick with.
I was looking forward to reading this, but from going over the first paragraph I knew that it would be full of mistakes and inconsistencies. Why would the dead bodies be in body bags before the military even arrive on the scene for example? Also carpet bombing area 51 would be pointless as most of the base is deep underground. Apart from a few issues, quite an entertaining read. Keep up the writing.
The governments of the world have knowledge of ET's and UFO's and do have measures put in place but they do have difficulty keeping things contained. There have been alot of leaks in the past or could these leaks be disinformation?
The SETI thing.... I believe that SETI is setup as a public front for the govenment to say 'yes we believe there may be life elsewhere and we will look into it...stop bothering us' when really they know all about the alien agenda and have craft and bodies locked away somewhere. Its basically to send the wrong message to the public.
I like what you have written, I'm on the other side of the fence to you but appreciate all views and opinions. Good stuff.
I have and intend to write about the alien/UFO phenomenon in the future.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/n1ghtwalker
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 3:53pm on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
