Brevity is the soul of wit...but this might be a bit too abbreviated to get the effect the author wants. It has a hook but not enough development of the secondary character to decide whether she is a guard, an avatar, an image, or what?
Intriguing premise.
What fun!
I enjoyed the simplicity and elegance of the ideas.
My one recommendation is to to substitute 'only' in ln 12 for a monosyllable as you have faltered in the iambic rythym. Might I suggest 'cold'
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