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1
1
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rodney,
I have read your poem and it sure does try to describe what goes on behind the mind of an introvert. You have attempted to add color to introversion. Perhaps that is the beauty of variety. We cant all be extroverts. The majority of marginalized characters are usually introverts before they get down to work. But when you give them a chance and some space to work, you will have nothing but respect for them.

What I liked
-You got to the point and no beating about the bush
-Your selection of words was excellent and well targeted
-You added meaning to your passage with your careful selection of words
- There are no typo errors to write home about

Recommendations
Just make your poem longer so that we enjoy your poetry


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2
2
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliantly done.
I love the suspense in poetry and you delivered on that part. Poetry emanates from the heart and this is one reason it will always be unique. In the first part, it looks like you are describing the love of your life or your dream beautiful one. But you hit the nail on the head when you get down to the conclusion.
Keep up the good work and don't stop writing.

Regards
3
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Review of Anxiety  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Immediately after penning this poem, you went into hiding :)

Its beautiful. I could relate to those fears especially when one is alone or that time when the world is quiet. Otherwise your writing is neat, sweet and straight to the point.

Please keep writing.


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4
Review of HELLO, GOODBYE  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your story and your writing style. Right from the start, you sounded poetic and captivating. It is clear that you really loved that special friend of yours and his untimely death was a real blow. Thanks for sharing this story. Just look at some small issues to fix like these;

1. 'All those times that has passed, we did nothing but to play and play and play.'
I suggest it reads as, 'All those times that had passed, we did nothing but play and play and play.'
2. 'And from that day, I always wonder why he have to go so soon'
This might read as, 'And from that day, I always wondered why he had to go so soon'

A few other minor typos you may find as you proofread.
Happy writing and keep striking the keyboard!
5
5
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
HI,
I must say that you are a passionate and consistent writer. Here are some things I liked about your story:
1. Your sentence structure is excellent and on point for the narration
2. You were not overtaken by the many rich narrations on your mind. You stuck to the developing story all the way
3. Your descriptions of emotions related to characters were easy to follow and relate to.
4. You delivered on the title - Dinner with my father. You din't lose that focus as you added the various elements to your story

Here are my recommendations:
1. Look at the following sentences

(i) "We must have went through four or five pita-like Arabic khubz."

You might consider revising it as,
"We must have gone through four or five pita-like Arabic khubz."

(ii) "He told me about some issues at work, which he usually amazed me by his solutions to those issues."

When putting the comma you were trying to separate the two thoughts. But they still remained linked. Therefore you might consider inserting a hyphen or breaking the statement into two sentences. This will allow the two thoughts to come out clearly.

2. You are a great writer.
Please Write on!!


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6
6
Review of Asylum  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your live story. You are good at building mental pictures as the story flows. Now here is what I liked:
1. Your descriptive words are excellent in providing real mental pictures
2. You tried as much as possible to keep your statements short and precise.
3. You don't seem to realize how hilarious you are. Some of the description revealed your jovial and hilarious side. Loved it!
4. Your story is easy to relate to and connect with

My recommendations
1. The title is about Ms Parker who died trapped in an asylum. Consider detailing more on the main heading.
2. A small proofread to clear common typos like this one
"were she was being contained"
The 'were' am sure was meant to refer to a place and so should have been 'where'
3. And finally, please, Keep writing in your hilarious mood. I love it!


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7
7
Review of Lyrical Movements  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lily,
Its been long indeed. But naturally good to look at your work again.
I find your poem very natural and for sure a true revelation of your love for song and dance. Your descriptions of the movements are full of mental pictures. The whole scene was so nice to follow that at one point I thought I was actually watching the whole performance!

Here are my recommendations
1. As usual add some stanzas so you can finish off your eloquent descriptions of the dance experience
2. Please, keep writing and come back here. These are powerful pieces of art you have and don't let them go.
- Happy writing and reviewing


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8
8
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I enjoyed reading your story and I think you are a very funny writer. You know how to play around with your illustrative words to hit the nail right. I also enjoyed the way you put your words together to describe characters that add to the nature of your story.
Naturally, you are an enthusiastic writer and you love writing. That is the spirit and secret behind the best story ever penned. Keep up the good work.
Here are my recommendations
1. Look at this sentence
"The second the dame walked into my office with gams that went up to her chin and eyes that would drown a man if they had arms to hold him under water, I knew she was trouble – not the type of trouble that starts with T that rhymes with P that stands for pool, even though my office isn't really in River City, but easy enough to get there if you take the interstate instead of surface streets and don't try a shortcut on the toll road, because that takes you to Sloughville (which is just a backwater) – no, this dame was trouble that starts off smelling like roses but leaves you with fake lilies on a grave; trouble that brews like cheap coffee in a leaky percolator; trouble that makes men howl at the moon on nights that you can see the moon, because howling at a cloudy night doesn't make much sense."

You might consider breaking it down into shorter sentences at most 20 words each. For instance here is how I break it down,
"I knew she was trouble the second the dame walked into my office with gams that went up to her chin. With eyes that would drown a man if they had arms to hold him under water. This is Not the type of trouble that starts with T that rhymes with P that stands for pool. Even though my office isn't really in River City. But easy enough to get there if you take the interstate instead of surface streets. Trust me, don't try a shortcut on the toll road. That takes you to Sloughville (which is just a backwater) – no, this dame was trouble that starts off smelling like roses. But it leaves you with fake lilies on a grave. Trouble that brews like cheap coffee in a leaky percolator. It makes men howl at the moon on nights that you can see the moon. because howling at a cloudy night doesn't make much sense.

The shorter the statement the easier it is to derive your point without losing your thought. This is common with long statements.
2. You might also consider plotting a setup of characters so that they flow consistently

3. Finally, Keep writing!


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9
9
Review of Sunshine  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
That was a soothing poem. I can understand the mention of midnight in the introduction, and I will try that also.
I specifically liked your careful and skillful choice of terms to reach your objective. In addition, your entire poem is easy to relate with and simple to follow - perhaps that is why you kept short and to the point.

The only recommendation/suggestion I would put forward is that try include more of those descriptive terms you unloaded.

Keep up the good work.

Good day.


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10
10
Review of Ginger's Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Ooops, that was a touching story. Well narrated and the setting clearly explained.

Positives

1. You sound passionate about the story and even the way you express your statements makes the story interesting and a must finish.
2. You took care to match the type of story you were writing and the type of language you employed - very clear and easy to understand.
3. The events in the story are brought out in a fluent manner. You blended them so nicely that it was easy to connect where the story is coming from and anticipate the future with eagerness.
4. Mostly, people struggle to emotions using simple and clear language. But you did an excellent job in your descriptions which even made the story touching and interesting.

Recommendations

1. You can give it another proofread to clear small issues like this one:
"I was only nine years old; I didn’t know any better, and I before anyone could stop me, I dashed into my bedroom, the only thought on my mind to save my yelping little dog, Henry, from a fiery death"

You might consider breaking this sentence into three as follows:
"I was only nine years old [and] didn’t know any better. Before anyone could stop me, I dashed into my bedroom. The only thought on my mind [was] to save my yelping little dog, Henry, from a fiery death."

2. I want to know how this story ends. Kindly notify me when you write the next episode.

My favorite part,
"I sank to the floor, waves of depression crashing over me. There was no one there to see. No one cared. But I vowed I would make them care."


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11
11
Review of True Stories  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Nice and real stories for sure. But my most favorite one is scratching someone else's leg and exclaiming, no wonder the itch was going away. Good work.

You have used clear language that makes it easier to understand or follow. In addition, you have also taken time to ensure that the logic hit the nail on the target without disturbing the bunch lines. Keep up the good work. In addition, I dint spelling issues around your text which shows that you took time to read through your work.

Recommendations

1. Look at this sentence,
"my Mom had gave me a bottle of Chivas Regal to give to my father. It was his favorite"
You might consider removing the word, had so that it can read,
"my Mom gave me a bottle of Chivas Regal to give to my father. It was his favorite

2. Write on!!!

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12
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Review of Old Dirty Dolly  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

That was touching indeed. I believe writing and reading can heal some wounds because it helps the mind to relate. By writing this poem, you also talked to many people who cannot directly converse with you and they will just read your work.

You were writing about the passion of longing to regain the lost love. Even the lines that made up your poem centered around that. In fact, your concluding paragraph was straight to the point as it linked directly with the title of your poem. Naturally, this kind of writing is very deep and it is easy to use strong words that can sometimes put off some readers. But your language was very palatable and just fit for the type of poem you were dealing with.

Recommendations
1. Add more to this. From the way you wrote it, I know there is more quality material you kept away
2. Write on!!

Regards,
_Ernest.

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
13
13
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
When i read your article i was happy that at least someone can openly speak about the unfair behavior that hackers enjoy. The sad thing is that most of them are even proud to continue in that path. They feel it makes them all time heroes and heroins. What they forget is that taking advantage of the defenceless customer who knows nothing about the holes in any software they are installing is very wrong. It is like deciding to rape a victim because chance has come your way. A crime is a crime however one justifies it.

I benefited from your article and even though I am not an expert, but you have just opened up a picture that every computer user needs to be aware of. Great article.

Write on!!

Regards,
__Ernest

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14
14
Review of Stay  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow,
That was one of the cutest poems I have read in the recent past. You set a rhythm which is connected to your title. Despite maintaining an attractive pattern, the flow of your poem still remained awesome and ecstatic. I prefer recommending the insertion of emotion in poems such that even when you are writing you can feel it. You did just that. The experience of watching a loved one walk away really brings sorrow as you described it effectively in the 'standing of the hair.' You also maintained a line that helped to add a poetic taste to your writing, and it managed to fit in your project very well.
You had taken time to proofread this project, and that is why I could not find any minor errors that make reading irritating. This is an excellent piece of art.

My recommendation is simply that you write on and allow us to sample your awesome poetry. Keep up the good work

Regards,
__Ernest
15
15
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Free-style-wrestling Referee,
You are hereby charged with Failure to monitor a fight to the finish, and stopping a promising fight at its arsenal – just when the fans are standing and cheering like crazy. I am sorry; the only remedy/sentence for you is to tell us the full story. :) :) :)

Hi, Angie;
You just made my day with that masterpiece. To begin with, you have described it well enough for most of us to relate with it, regardless which part of the world we are reading it from. Here is the list of the things I loved about your writing.

1. The flow: You had so much to write that you could have easily been jumping from episode to episode without being consistent. But your flow was superb and I was able to follow your story to the latter.

2. Your editing quality: You focused on the cream of those fights; the hilarious clips that make them funny. That is why even if the story could have been longer than this, someone can still be motivated to read on.

4. Language quality: You were not struggling to find the right words to use. You had a bountiful store of rich words and you stuck to the ones that narrated the story excellently and straight to the point.

5. The real comedy: You together with many comedy writers keep testifying the fact that, real comedy is clean and everyone laughs when it is narrated. Your work did not have embarrassing tones that are profanity oriented. Good work.

__Recommendations__
1. Look at this sentence,
"I still have a scar on my hand from where my older sister Amy tried to beat me in a race by grabbing my hand and digging her claw into me,"
If you omit the name (Amy) the sentence can still be complete and meaningful. So, you might consider separating it with commas;
"I still have a scar on my hand from where my older sister, Amy, tried to beat me in a race by grabbing my hand and digging her claw into me,"

2. Write on!!!!!

__My favorite parts__
1. "William is throwing crazy punches in her general direction, but he was so angry, none were landing. Meanwhile, Allison is waving the penny over her head, just out of his reach."
And the talk of the town,

2. "As they walked toward the door, side-by-side, my beautiful little blonde two-year-old treasure of a daughter looked at her big brother and said, quietly, "I whooped your BUTT, brother!!""

Please write on dear referee of that free-style wrestling match :)

And thanks for sharing this hilarious story.

-Ernest



16
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Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Now that is what we call real drama on the scene. I like the way you took time to narrate the emotions as they came and the challenges each character had to face.

Positives:
1. Your language is very clear to follow and I haven’t seen misplaced terms
2. You took time to proofread your work, so I have not seen any of those minor but discouraging spelling errors
3. You took me through a very rich story which you arranged so well that it was easy to understand why the man's body was found in the living room
4. I like the passion you put in writing the story and how you endeavored to narrate the struggles the main character went through with the desired twists that keep the reader anticipating and reading on.

Recommendations
1. You can add more to the way she reacts to the situation as she struggles to smell, touch, and see so that your reader can have a feel of that environment - especially at the point she collapses or is about to colapse.
2. Write on!
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Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey,
I love this artistic product. I wonder how you managed to assemble a massive group of creative people with unique comedy in force. Keep up the good work. I have had fun reading through what diferent people have put up here.

Keep writing.

Ernest.
18
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Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,
I must say, this was a very tounching story. I was determikned to read from start to finish. It spoke about issues that are clearly important and people tend to behave like they dont care. To me that man in the story is a clear representation of the inner person that GOd has put in all of us - the conscience.

Strengths
1. Logic: The story makes sence; it is fluent and easy to follow through
2. Vocabulary: You used the right type of language for the story you were handling.
3. Sensation: The story was tounching, moving and really a chalenge to perpetrators of discriminatory violence.

Recommendations:
1. Look at this sentence;
"It seemed they had gotten more, than they had bargained for."
You might consider omiting the comma [,] so it can read,
"It seemed they had gotten more than they had bargained for."

Keep writing!

Ernest.
19
19
Review of SHE  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
Okay, I could see that you have a passion for romantic poetry. You have just managed to sound a warning to people who take ilicit sex for fun. But instead of putting someon off right from the start by being blunt, you took your time to focus on how the whole episode can unfold. But you took a step further by refering the your key point, Sin comes in someone's actions.
You knew what you were wring about and you enjoyed it. That is why even your words had to flow freely without squeezing them out. And you easily arranged the poem in your desired pattern. Keep up the good work!
Perhaps you might Just add more feeling to it.

Keep writing!
20
20
Review of I Have Seen  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,
You took us on a ride of reality that surrounds us everyday. Instead of just painting the bright picture, you started by pointing out the horrors. Taking them one by one and bringing them up as poetically as you could. But in the end, you have provided the solution and a ray of hope that is worth looking up to.

Great poem. Just try to edit on some repetions.
Keep writing man!
21
21
Review of Stolen  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Lily,
Its good to read your work again after such a long time. I am glad you are still at it. This story is very touching and it is naturally calling you to finish it.
The writing style is very mature and follows the type of story you are dealing with. Continue with the draft, and add those emotions with more descriptions of what is happening to the main character. Lets see if the therapist will manage to make her talk.

Ernest
22
22
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi A'lshah,
Your work is inspirational and thought provoking. But I have liked the fact that you are addressing the women directly.

You made the writting straight to the point so that whoever reads can get the message straight without beating bout the bush and you have stuck to the facts that we have seen but the world is shy to bring them in the open.

I would also commnd you for pointing out that the challenges are not only going on in a specified location, but they are taking place the world over.

My only suggestion is that you can read through it and clear one or two minor grammr ommicions I noticed.

All in all, I would be glad to read what you would eventully develop from this masterpiece

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23
23
Review of Dear Dad!  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,
I love your writing style where you start by poking the reader to laughter and then you ride your way through the whole poem.

your strengths
1. You did not just write this poem and you went away. NO. You had to proofread, and that is why the vocabulary is standard with no minor issues

2. What you were writing about is very sensitive and you did a good job in pouring out deep emotions that reveal hidden wounds

3. The organisation of your poem is marvelous. You had a stream of ideas, but you had to stick to what was truly neccesary; and you arranged it in a logically agreeable manner

4. Here, many people can be tempted to use very strong language. But you avoided it and that makes your writing suitable for an average reader and the seasoned readers

Suggestions
1. In some cases you might consider trimming some sentences to follow some pattern - though that's optional.
and you can also read through this one and verify whether that is how you wanted it to sound.
"But the table turns on the morrow!"

2. Looking at the way you have written your story, I would suggest that you omit the last line ending with "finger." Because you have already done the justice in the writing above and this time you are at a point where you seem to be about to accept that, 'even with the many mistakes you have made, you are still my dad'.

3. Write on!!

My favorite lines
Hey!
Mister!
Yo!
I wrote this piece for ya!
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24
24
Review of Natasha  Open in new Window.
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,
This is a very touching story. In fact it is more of a warning than a mere story for consumption.

The positives I noticed
1. The language used is appropriate for the type of story you were covering
2. Such stories normally have a lot of detail. But you trimmed it down to what is strictly required.
3. I like the flow of the story which shows the way the episode is unfolding smoothly
4. You tactfully brought the deep emotions together at the right time without distracting the fluency of the story

Recommendations
1. You might consider adding a brief description of the features that were appealing about Natasha apart from the blue eyes
2. I noticed some issues with grammar:

(i) "Giving her an admiring look I headed towards bar"
might be presented as
"Giving her an admiring look I headed towards the bar"

(ii) "We met at a restaurant and she told that she was quite busy in traveling since the day we met at London Airport."
might be presented as
"We met at a restaurant and she told me that she was quite busy in traveling since the day we met at London Airport."
There are several such minor issues which you can easily clear with a single proofread

3. Keep writing please!!
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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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25
25
Review by Ernest Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi,
thanx for that story.

Strengths
1. Your proofreading was adequate, so I did not see grammar issues and spelling problems.
2. I like the fact that you have an interesting story at your disposal, and you have done your best to stick to the interesting snippets
3. In the conversations, you did a good job when it came to displaying emotions in the speeches.

Recommendations
1. You may need to include descriptions of emotions that will help us see the characters through your word pictures.
2. You might consider closing up some gaps in the story by addimg explanations that will connect the different smoothly.
3. Write on!!

My favorite part
“J-j-jenny… S-steve and I are getting married soon. He proposed to me last night. R-remember? I was so excited because he said he’s got something important to tell me after work.”

Thanx

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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