I think this is a very beautiful piece. You are a skilled poet. The rhythm is precise and flows quite easily. You utilize great imagery to convey mood and set the overall tone for your work. It is a tone of sadness overlaid with hope, and you expressed both emotions very well.
This is a very poignant song, touching and emotionally honest. It would be nice to hear what it sounds like set to music. I think you did a good job.
Just a few suggestions:
* "richman" should be two words
* "Should all of our fears have multiplied grown?" Perhaps change it to "Should all of our fears have strengthened and grown". The words "multiplied" and "grown" basically mean the same thing.
* "That hides from us every child as it dies" Perhaps change it to "That hides from us every child that dies". It would make for a slightly smoother read.
I agree with what you say here. Every now and again, not too often, but just every once in awhile, in our journey through life, we meet people who touch our souls, who selflessly lift us up, and who sometimes alter our destinies.
Like my 9th grade teacher ... whose unwavering belief in my writing ability ... gave me something to live for. Or, the professor, who, having been badly injured in a car accident, still comes to work and selflessly offers his time to his students.
Most people in this world are so wrapped up in themselves, that they never even begin to think about touching another person's life. But, you never how far a kindness can reach, how it can touch another person's destiny.
It is true that kindness mostly goes unrecognized. Rarely does it come back and say, "Look what I've accomplished because you sent me out in the world!" But, I believe that we are on this planet for more than that. We are not here just to consume, to be ambitious, and to collect our share material wealth.
We are here to care for each other, to bring joy to each other, and to offer our hearts and our hands to help one another.
This is an absolutely beautiful story. There are no words for how it touched me.
I think that you are very right when you say:
"True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be."
This is why it is possible, and even encouraged, to love and be kind to people who may not love or be kind to you. True love is not selfish, but is total acceptance without demands.
I hope someday to share that kind of love with someone. It is the only type of love that is truly worhwhile.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful thought with us!
There was a famous thinker who once said, (I cannot remember his name right now), that "most men live lives of quiet desperation". That is what this poem speaks to me, "quiet desperation".
The emotions you portray here are familiar to me, as I expect they are familiar to most people. Most of us want to do something with our lives that will make us matter, that will survive our death and speak up for our merit. We want to be necessary to the universe. But too often these noble aspirations get clouded by the mundane things in life and we feel trapped, unable to express our true purpose.
In short, this is a very enigmatic piece of work and I think that it WILL get people thinking.
This is very touching piece. It almost made my eyes tear up at some points. You used very real imagery. I could almost see the bodies stacked up and the flies swarming. I felt that the refrain brought the message home quite soundly, that something can be done to stop the poverty. Nice work!
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