This love (as most) started out with a boy, who was and still is my best friend, we never were the kind to make fun of each other, even joking. We just laughed and smiled. And cared about each other, and neither of us knew how but we just did we cared for each other. **Don’t start a sentence with “And:” Need to restructure the last sentence because it now has two “And” in it.**
Now everybody knew that we were something special, except for us (at the time). As time goes on, we became closer with text message after text message, seeing each other every day and just well-don’t need the “well” becoming better friends well-a different word would make it more smother more than friends. Then THE question was asked on a day that will never be forgotten, now who asked it doesn't need to change to does not matter, all that matters was that it was asked. That was just the beginning,
and maybe there won’t will not be an end.
The more laughs and text the more of him, was just amazing. (Needs to be restructured. Ex: The more laughs and text we exchanged the more I discovered just how amazing he really was. Closer and closer we got the better. We got closer and closer. Just talking was the best and we talked all the time, some may say that we were the only actual couple at the time;). And things were going great really great or at least we both thought that they were.
The more laughs and text the more of him, was just amazing. (Needs to be restructured. Ex: The more laughs and text we exchanged the more I discovered just how amazing he really was. Then we hit rock bottom and everything changed, and (try but) most of all we changed. Stress hit us the most, and it hurt us a lot, but it didn't did not break us.
But-Try not to use but at the beginning of the sentence-that was were (where) our love was tested, our love showed more than ever. And things happened other than that (needs to be structured better) , but we still passed the test, always.
Some may say that this can’t be love, but it was love to us and that is all I needed. for whatever reason this may be, but its love to me and to him, and that is all that I need.
Your story was sweet. Just fix those few little things and it should read smoother. Thank you for allowing me to review your piece.
I could have wrote this. LOL It made me feel like I really am normal. Kids will suck the life out of you. They are such a joy to be so hard to raise. We hope they turn out well from all the hard work we put into them. Thanks for your article. It made me smile.
There needs to be a lot of work done on this piece. Its hard to find where conversations start and end. There needs to be quotation marks when your writing a dialog. This makes the flow of the article hard to follow. I think with some changes its going to be a great story. Best of Luck!
When I first saw this assignment I thought, "Ugh, I hate poems." But once I got to reading it I thought "Wow, what an imagination." I expected there to be 5 or so things you could say but boy was I wrong. I enjoyed it very much.
I have no corrections for you. I like poems to rhyme and most of yours do. Thats just a person preference.
I couldn't have written it better. I hope you will edit some of mine. I really enjoyed your writing.
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