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Review by Mr LXXIII Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This was a fun little read! I wasn't expecting it to be so short, but then I saw it was a flash-fiction challenge entry and was enlightened.

I like how the plot of the story is very direct but still leaves a lot to the imagination. When did other's find out about the wormhole? Did the President and others in high positions use the device? If so, did they take it by force? All great things I love pondering.

One small detail that I liked but wished had been done differently is your callback in the last paragraph to the beginning of the story. If the story also started with "Last night, I dreamed of her," it would be much clearer that the call back is your intention. Just a minor tweak, but it'll punch a bit harder in the future!

Overall, it's a great little story, one that I enjoyed reading!
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Review by Mr LXXIII Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
You know what, I've never actually read a spoken word poem ever, and I'm very glad that this was my first one! I've known about spoken word in passing, mainly picking it up from movies and shows, but this was a whole new thing for me, so thanks!

Onto the critique after that quick expo-dump: I could definitely feel the rhyme scheme you put together in each block of the poem, and I also love the nonconventional rhyming like "just lie" and "all right", where you do really just have to say it out loud and enunciate the syllables. Very nice!

I guess my one hiccup I encountered was the lack of punctuation in the first text block. Granted, it is my first time reading one of these, so it's entirely possible that this is intentional. However, I did find myself zooming past the ends of sentences and ideas and into new ideas a couple of times, which pulled me out of the vibe, if you get what I mean.

Overall, great work! I love the environmentalist angle too, the Mars line at the end really stuck with me. Cheers!

- Mr LXXIII
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