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Review of Life  Open in new Window.
Review by mr. beauregard Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
you have set before yourself a daunting task young one. being not much older than you (22) i can surely attest to the difficulties of solving such a riddle. I hope the questions you were asking were rhetorical. This sounds like many things i have written... taking on these questions of life, love, hate, god. Your view is just that and many people are sensitive to these subjects, trust me. No one can tell you what life is, you can merely describe what Y O U see. we're all writing the greatest stories ever told, just give yours time to develop. trust in yourself, your answers will come friend.
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Review by mr. beauregard Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

"The Kara-Tur caravan was slowly crossing the planes of Cormyr when the rider approached. The rider was a lone elf, a scout from the look of him. The lone elf sought out Lia immediately he spoke the language of the High Elves and when he was assured of her identity He handed over a letter. "


this same problem can be found in many places. maybe you avoid revealing this 'rider' right away or if you choose to keep it change the structure of the sentence (avoid "....a rider approached. "the rider was a lone elf. the lone elf...." this confuses the reader.. maybe go with something like:

"the sun was setting on the plains of Coryr as the Kara-tur caravan continued their journey. a streak of dust quickly flashed before them, circling around again. the gallop was unmistakeable - a scout. Some were quick to ready defenses but the horses remained calm.

(then introduce your elf.. is he hooded? maybe he is not an ordinary scout? maybe entirely useless... however did you ever think of adding dialogue? a reader would then truly attempt relate to your heroine 'Lai' as well as surrounding characters. readers like active words, vivid description... you're on the right path. nice job.
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