The start of the story was great! I was hooked in and really compelled by way you described the setting. The ending felt a little weak and there were a few spelling errors though. I also wish it was just a bit longer an had a little more character development but other than that it was a good read.
I like the idea that it was all in her head, but I noticed some grammar mistakes and verb tense issues. I also think that it could use more suspense which would draw the reader in more. The little man could be a little more vague of a villain type character, and the story never explains exactly why the little man would have acted any differently if the girl did look at him. Overall I like the concept though.
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