\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mouse4roo
Review Requests: OFF
47 Public Reviews Given
103 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Accept  Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
There's a lot of power in these words. That we must accept. After I was finished reading I went back to the first line and it simply says that teachers tell us where to sit and we accept. What I noticed missing is that parents are probably the largest force in conformity. It's not as if teachers or parents are part of a maniacal plan, but perhaps they have been brainwashed into believing that they must train children to obey.

This seems to be about obedience. Is very heavy-handed. I think that the point of this poem is that things go easier for all government and all who are in rule to have people just go along with the plan. This is a very strong and pointed opinion about our existence that some cannot argue.

I noticed the word we is used a lot. And I trust that there are a lot of people that feel this way. But some people don't. It's not that they're just willing to go along with it and say that it's fine to be pushed around by these ruling monsters. I think there is a trade-off. That the things we work for allow us to buy some of our freedom back. And I know a lot of the things that we bargain for really are minor in detail. We can't really bargain for the autonomy that would allow us to have the freedom to do whatever we want. And what would the choice leave?

I don't believe that we're lemmings and headed for a cliff. I think the human race has some value, as it is ruled by itself. But it is true that power corrupts absolutely, and there are checks and balances to appoint. But it's your one chance to live life, and I hope it's not this dire when it comes to the end. But I could see how it can feel that way to someone.

This is very clearly expressed. It's an opinion that deniably a lot of people agree with. I think you have done well to capture this feeling and the structure of this poem also lays it out in a very rigid manner. You take us from the beginning of life and bring us to the end to carry the message forward.

This is a good piece of writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is sort of a promising poem about the potential for a relationship? I was reading the description line and noticing it was about a dream about someone who became a friend. The poem seems to indicate this person is creating romantic feelings in the person speaking.

I feel like this is something I'm familiar with. There are people who I am drawn to, or was drawn to, that made me feel light and free when I was around them. I look forward to seeing them more. It Reads like a charismatic person. Very good detail describing this person in a way that shows the attraction.

This read very smoothly and had a pretty good rhyme. I wouldn't change anything I think. It's some thing I wonder about when we wake from a dream I want to write something down. Is it something that's real inside of us or just our minds creating this garbage that never comes true. Sometimes I wonder if dreams are prophetic or adjust a bunch of randomness.

To me what you've written seems very real. I don't know if this is a made up character a real person but someone who became a friend it would seem. I just wondered if it would go any further if this is dreamt maybe the dreamer actually wants to pursue something.

I really enjoyed your poem.

Jennifer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Winter Kisses  Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Never thought I'd be reading a poem about winter and snowflakes this time of year! I love the feel of this when I get the feeling I am part of what you describe, because it is what I experience when I am in the snow. What are uses is a lot of descriptive words that really show this reaction to nature and how I think it makes me feel.

I like glittering drops on heated skin, also, quick Smoky puffs, and finally whispers in Winter kisses. I also noticed the way you lay it out with the long lines in the short lines. You seem to be teasing with the feeling of that scene. Snowflakes, air, laughter, frozen and they all interconnect. It's like a quick little puzzle for the mind.

I'd say you did a really good job with this. I'm not exactly looking forward to winter. But I can look at it happily from past memories.

Jennifer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This strikes me is another sad poem about getting old. It is beautifully written and has a lyrical feel to it with the way the words move and the little bit of rhyming you do. The romantic in you takes break from itself to contemplate autumn has a season of death rather than hope and renewal.

Though it may be just a tad melodramatic. I do see imagery hear of a leaf. I can imagine it lost among the others in the landscape and getting stuck someplace no one notices. This reminds me of how the elderly get ignored. Certainly you're not that old.

This seems to be one of your more accomplished poems of late. I did enjoy it despite the sad emotion I felt running through it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This poem sounds very sad to me. It is unfortunate that young ones could be so cruel to one another, without realizing the effect it can have on a persons life. It makes me want to hug the child. You used some interesting expressions like having your heart crushed by a rock on the hot cement in front of your home, no less. It feels like there is no place a person can go to be safe when you say that. It reminds how people become victims and feel there is no help.

I hope these aren't thoughts or feelings you're having right now. But I can read what you are struggling with. Very emotional poem and very brief and to the point.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I heard you narrate this one and stated creating it out loud in the kitchen. Though you didn't hear me laugh, we both thought it was funny. And like always here thinking this needs to be a poem.

Could you give it a better title? I think I get how you break up the lines to make it pause where it needs to. When I read it aloud, I do it differently than you. But, the rambling message is the same. It's like you always get duistracted from what you are doing and go off on a tangent. This might be one of my new favorites.

I agree with you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Strength  Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
There was particularly good expression in here, a poem flowed with movement. A lone character described in narration seems caught in wonderment, doesn't really know what direction to move.

To me it's about going through the motions of life, waiting for inspiration. Maybe, this poem was written in the spirit of that moment. The poet self describing out of some boredom.

I like it and can relate to this theme.

J


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Our Secret Place  Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is some moving words in this narrative poem about this person helping a loved one through an emotional struggle. It paints a lot of images of the two of them together in this nature setting that seems to help with the comfort. The poem also shows the strength and the knowing of the voice that holds her hand.
One thing stuck out was the word tattered. I don't think you want to mean that, but thrying to show the movement of air through hair. First line of second verse I got the expression but it caught me too. Tears fell motionless, maybe, as if? Though what if silent? Streamed silent?
Otherwise poem had depth. Meaningful for the couple.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is a great amount of alliteration that lends to this seagulls theme. It appears you've written this poem to a particular form I don't see indicated. The intertwining of the reused lines is also helping me read these words in a way that reminds me of a birds flight. Restating words for effect helped, too. It all seems to go naturally together.

Was the last verse not supposed to rhyme in that first line? Wasn't sure of use of 'would enthrall', felt like a word missing.

Otherwise, nicely made poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I got a better appreciation of this poem once I understood what auspicious meant. Though, it did not read like the description line says this is about. But, could imagine this as logic for team oriented talk or hype of how to keep the eye on that prize..victory.
The rhyme and flow of the poem seemed fluid. The expressions blended well and leant to the overall theme. Nice write!
11
11
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This seems deep. I got to say, personifying words like Misery, Despair and Sorrow kind of worked for me. Though, imagery-wise, I could not picture these as metaphors. I get more of a feeling from this short poem. You summarize all this in an experience of rejection. It's advice for a reader to not get burned while following their dreams.
The theme of loneliness is sad but true. The poem seems well choreographed to get to this conclusion of mistrust, or blind ambition, or this need for some sense of love. We all get sidetracked by those that seem worthy of trust..or could help fulfill our destiny..what that may be.
Jen


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Yummy! This I like. For making a jack-o-lantern out of a pumpkin, it, the entity, heeds it will get its revenge. And, apparently, by whatever means. To make this look like a severed pumpkin head was a good twist. Very visual that I forget I should read the words, but wonder, without the shape, if I'll be less distracted by what I witness. Really good with this one. Had an element of fear and good inner rhyme? Hard to tell since line breaks depend upon the shape of the thing. 😳


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is different..for a contest? Not your usual..for a prompt? Is it supposed to be sickening while romantic? Not your usual genre. It has some vivid word images related to the photo. It feels like one giving themselves over to another, like a jilted lover. Perhaps, crawled from one grave to another for revenge? The ending suggests maybe they still court romance after death.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
So Much Depends on? That sounds familiar. I like this one. And it's commentary on how it feels we are trapped by aging memory that can't be decoded or transferred or whatever by old technology. A remarkable commentary where we are slaves to commercialism or what have you that left us behind. How many memories on VHS will go bad because we cannot get one tech to work with the other to see our babies again. Well said!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very sad poem it seems about a father that has been away from home a long time before he finally agrees to meet and come home to his family. If I assume correctly. There is at times a tight little rhyme in here that sounds familiar with a bed time prayers. It had an effect on me to read.

There is much that cannot be known, but found this relied on imagery and perhaps the insights of one who has had time to reflect, might have some regrets. It feels like end of days, before age and time runs out.

Pleased to read,

J


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I come here to discover your poem and see 'perpetuity' used in description. So much potential to discover what you convey but did not apply that word in poem to fully show what you intended. Its interesting because it's not used often outside of fiscal or law and wanted to see how you would mean.

What I did find are a lot of ten dollar words that have a bunch of meaning. I'm just drawn to the clouds and the vision that inspired this poem and this person in full reflection with words brighter than the sun. Really overwhelming.

I like the expressions and the attempt to capture feeling. The opening shadows that ending. Hard to capture such beauty.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very contented dog with so much to say. Depicted nicely how he doesn't understand it's his birthday and why he's treated so special.
Nice images of this pet and how it communes with master with a narrative that cleverly reflects joy and appreciation of contented life. A servile animal, can't help but believe there's pointed commentary within here, despite theme of ability to honor its master.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I liked the title, that you doubt, although I don't know if it's symbolic of anything to this poem. But I did enjoy the scene that plays out in the restaurant and how this couple behaves when they're together.

The narrative is very focused on the subject, I assume this marigold person, who does not hold up to scrutiny of the admirer. Marigold does not prefer the narrator's attention and seeks someone who would treat them poorly instead.

So these meet ups end and you have this irony of a person still thinking of the marigold person when eating Chinese food at home instead of in public. And the idea of public and this suggested romance is something that requires a table at a restaurant, rather than eating takeout together at home. So here the narrator is just thinking of her and the whole situation that played out, the sad eating of food from a greasy bag...like it's unfair.

Think if anything is symbolic, it's the Chinese takeout bag. Another nicely crafted poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This poem has a great internal flow and use of rhyme with spontaneous thoughts like reactions to 'what should I do?' Or, 'how do I do this?' to make a poem or to develop some idea from all these things that represent the color. I guess this is commentary, maybe sarcasm because of how absurd.
Great to finish with the realism, revealing this is a ruse, that it isn't supposed to be true. Though, you'd like to put that caged bird in the blender, it's more about symbolism. What if it was just the canary in that blender...what would it render? Lots to explore.
I liked the execution and the way this finished off.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good use of free verse. Like the form and structure, the way lines break and pause without rushing these thoughts. Good commentary on poetry or writing in general. The second have with the imagery helped show what you mean from that first half. It's thoughts about how words as precious as beauty like flowers and the innocence that gathers them. The experience it takes to lovingly display them. Really good write.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was my powerful with words that emphasize in sporadic, collecting spurts of convicting torment. It was passionate, expressive and dark. There's this narrative in the moment denying all it is feeling. It feels informed and able to overcome the pull of another, not like torment. It's like acknowledging something moving through.
The last line feels like having gone through it all along, don't feel compelled to step to or acknowledge this darkness.
Vividly expressionistic.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I liked the theme of two boys trying to stay up late, disappear and make mom worry. I think this would be better with punctuation. It was hard to spot pauses amid line breaks. You tend to mail it in lately, write poem after poem without editing.
I would also suggest a type of bush that is thick, that scrapes. A better adjective for thick.
Otherwise, one of the better ones.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This poem could use a better title, but liked the structure and way words flowed. I see this person who finally has clarity. The artistic inspiration but feels restrained. The person who could speak truths feels he has no voice?
I know your theme. It's duplicated. Maybe it feels like this is the poem that states it best and still repressed?
I feel this from you


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You're worthy. You're worthy! Sometimes, you try too hard to get attention. And like the poem says, you're always working on something, trying to get someone to listen.

This poem shows you realize you need an opening, maybe, know how to pick a moment. Get someone's attention...distracted. That's what you do. It's so you.

Not that I've...ahem...noticed. Just takes some time to put life aside, to spend time with a dreamer. ❤️


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by Jennifer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This poem is actually very beautiful and poignant, but about what beyond that plant that wont't grow, I'm not certain. I think it's about self-love? It goes deep into leaf imagery that might not connect to theme. The imagery wasn't there at the outset. I'm not sure if I need it early or at all.

I just know your way with words and how they speak from your heart show true love and passion for what you want this to become, or return to former glory. There's loss. There's the desire to solve a mystery that might be unknowable. It shows how much you care that you try.

This might be submittable, too. Haven't you gotten other reaction? I know your feedback is limited. Maybe, there's someplace else or someone else? I know you've tried.

Whatever you decide, I support you. ❤️
Mouse


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
40 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mouse4roo