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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mothergoddess
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33 Public Reviews Given
40 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Strychnine Author Icon

I found your poem using the Read & Review feature, and I'm glad to have stumbled upon this one.

My Thoughts:
A dark, emotional poem about a person who feels trapped within the walls of this Labyrinth of Shadows. These words resonate with my own experience. I think that's what drew me in. There is no comfort in this place, which is seemingly inescapable. The very walls are tormentors. Yet, I wonder if this person would leave if given the chance. I wonder if being in a dark place for a long time causes one to begin to find safety within it.

My Favorite Part:
...only an invisible weight that anchors me in place


I wondered what this invisible weight was. Fear? Have they trapped themselves here and don't even realize it?

haunting me with truths I dare not face.


I got the sense that this was the way out--facing our truths, as challenging as that can be.

My Suggestions:
Good read that hit close to home. I didn't find any obvious punctuation or grammatical error save the following line. However, please do remember this is merely my own opinion. You are the best judge for your own work.

Am I all alone, or is solitude my only companion?


It feels like we're asking the same question twice, before and after the comma. I wonder if omitting the first part would work, letting, 'Is solitude my only companion?' stand alone. Just a thought.

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt poem, your art. Please keep writing.


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Review of Entropy - W/C 637  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello QueenNormaJean maybesnow?! Author Icon

I found your story using the Read & Review feature, and I was delighted to read your short story. I am a member of the WDC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and I am happy to review you!

My Thoughts:
I don't know what the prompt was for this originally, so I tried to ignore the bold words. You had me in the first paragraph. What could have happened to cause the release of so many workers? I got the sense, immediately, that the members of this skeleton crew were either sacrifices or heroes that the commander really could count on -- the only ones who could do the job. I was looking forward to finding out.

My Favorite Part:
I giggled at the "'tone and harmony aspect.'" Someone actually had the job of trying to keep a skeleton crew, in an otherwise deserted underground laboratory--during some unknown crisis--calm, quiet and at peace. The icing on the cake was...

"Achieve Nirvana."


The absolute best part, however, was the character, Rachel -- our defense expert who, by the end of the story, was hiding in a corner under a chair while all hell broke loose. I found that hilarious! *Laugh*

Similarly, Barry is on offense, and the only thing he seems to be attacking is a phone. All too funny.

My Suggestions:
This is a good read, and I found no obvious punctuation or grammar mistakes.

I did find myself wondering, by the end, whether this skeleton crew were just guinea pigs in some sick experiment or actually needed to save the above shelter. This, of course, came to me after the commander locked them in at the end. He was just so quick to condemn them and the facility that I felt there is a piece of the story missing. However, I'm willing to bet you had a w/c max that you had to try and adhere to.

I was also curious about what they actually did on a day to day basis (before and after the crisis). Who were they before all this, and what did they do to pass the time during their week of peace?

Whatever the case, I enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!

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Review of Fading Flame  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello DR Author Icon

I found your poem using the Read a Newbie feature, and I was delighted to read it. I am a member of the WDC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and I am happy to review you!

My Thoughts:
Right from the start, I get the sense that the sun is setting on a place that is recovering from a violent battle. The lands are "'beautiful'" as the sun sets in the first line, which indicates the second line begins a memory. Hence, I am immediately at ease knowing that this bloody war was in the past, the land and people healing.

On the other hand, that is not the case for our warrior. He's seen the truth of the battle, and it's not like the stories people tell to glorify (and sugar-coat) a trauma.

Lastly, I'm a gamer too. *Smile* I'm so curious about which game inspired your poem.

My Favorite Part:

A warrior once with a burning flame

Filled with strength

Glory

Is now simply a ember in the painful dark


It's this picture of a broken warrior that did for me. He was once filled with vigor and strength, but the battle has snuffed out his fire.


My Suggestions:
I didn't see any obvious punctuation errors, but there were some small grammatical changes that be considered. Please keep in mind that these are merely suggestions. YOU are the best judge for your work. I mean that wholeheartedly. *HeartV*

Screams that were once

Laughs with family


It could just my own ears, as I read this aloud, but it feels like "Laughter" might be better suited for this line. Similarly, I wonder if "Conversations" could be considered in place of '"Talks"' below:

Talks with friends


We're using the word "sit" too many times so close together. I wonder if you could find another word or phrase there.

He sits there

Rusted sword in his scarred hand as he sits



Lastly, I think "an" is the appropriate article to use in front of "ember" here:

Is now simply a ember in the painful dark


Thank you for sharing your art. Keep writing!


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4
Review of Buzz Cut  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello foxtale Author Icon

I found your story as a review request in my inbox and was delighted read it. I am a member of the WDC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and I am happy to review you!

My Thoughts:
This is a story about a teenager who'd just made the varsity team, quite a feat for a sophomore. It sounds like Matt just wanted to make his mark, find his own niche, and boy did he! However, he later found out that everything comes with consequences.

If I'm really honest, I wonder if Matt felt pressured to make the change. Was it his idea all along, or did the older, more veteran players on the team talk him into it? That much isn't clear. Maybe a memory from Matt of a conversation with his other teammates may have helped there, if that was the case at all.

My Favorite Part:

My favorite parts are, of course, Matt stepping out in his first game with the flaming red hair. I was able to imagine this goalie--obviously a good one, tall with flaming hair, rising from the water and dominating the game. All this against one of their biggest opponents. He definitely created the effect he was after with the hair and the goalie cap. He even received the new nickname he seemed to desire.

"The devil in the water"


My Suggestions:

A good read. I found no obvious mistakes with grammar and punctuation. I would have liked to hear the other parent's voice as you started out with "'Our Son...'" That wasn't a big deal though.

Lastly, the narrator mentioned believing that Matt dyed his hair as a rebellious act and to '"bug his parents and teachers."' This part didn't quite add up for me, since, at the beginning, it feels like Matt is just trying to find his niche on the team and possibly to fit in. I didn't get the sense that he was a spiteful or bad kid, the kind that would do things specifically to upset his parents and teachers. If that was the case, maybe adding in an incident or two that reveals a little more about Matt's character would be helpful.

Thank you for sharing your art, and keep writing! *Smile*


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Review of SILENCE  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really beautiful, and I'm so glad I stumbled on this reminder for myself. Silence used to be a healer for me as well, but I've been lost for a while. Perhaps it can help me again.

Thank you for sharing your writing with the world. You never know who you'll reach with just the write words they need to see. *HeartV*

Best wishes to you.
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Review of An Argument I Had  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello seaghartey Author Icon

I happened upon your essay while browsing the site, looking for items to read. I'm not entirely sure how I landed here, but I'm really glad I did.

My Thoughts:
I wish I had a friend like Roland when I was young, someone who could talk me off the ledge. More realistically, someone to give me permission to allow my own light to shine brightly. I'm one of those people who thinks social media is ruining the self-esteem of our young girls and women--well, women of all ages. Half the time, the images are photo-shopped, but good luck getting anyone to admit that. This can leave women and girls comparing themselves to something that doesn't even exist. For those who have rock-solid self-esteem, and never compare themselves to anyone, I commend them. For the rest of us, raised up in a society that throws unrealistic beauty standards in our faces at every turn, it can be challenging to deprogram ourselves from that.

My Favorite Part:

So slowly I began to express certain opinions I had about myself that I was too ashamed to tell anyone for fear of being deemed as "preoccupied with her looks".


My gosh, this resonates with my own story. It's not that I didn't believe I was pretty. because I was. The issue was in claiming to be pretty or behaving in a way that led people to consider me "conceited," so I kept my head down. It's crazy how things like that can do a real number on us.

My Suggestions:
Your writing is wonderful, articulate, and your message was clear. I have no suggestions for improvement, but I did find one little typo in the first sentence of the fifth paragraph:

"... I thougt were prettier go"


On a more personal note, I'm not young anymore, and this subject (beauty) is a sore one for me. I regret not letting my light shine as brightly as I could. I regret spending so much time trying not to make others feel insecure around me, so much so that I never really allowed myself live up to my fullest potential. I wasn't "me," if that makes sense. It takes a lot of energy to dim your own light for others. I had none left for me.

While this is not exactly the same issue you're writing about, it's similar in that society (and even our peers sometimes) can make it hard for us to just be our true authentic selves -- and really love what we see. We're bombarded with beauty standards that are not our own. I say...why not throw all that out the window? At the end of the day, YOU are your biggest commitment, so it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just love yourself and deeply as possible, and do it as often as possible. No regrets.

Best wishes!

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Review of FROZEN  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Stargazer ~ DavidtheDreamer Author Icon

I found your poem while browsing entries for this week's Shadows and Light Poetry Contest.

My Thoughts:
You had me at the first stanza. It took me back to my own childhood. There were many traumas there, but I too found a dead (rather, dying) cat when I was young. This was not my cat, but I've never forgotten the scene. It haunted me for a long time.

My Favorite Part:
Greatly imagery.

Once soft and delicate,
black fur became frosty… then frigid.
No longer comforting
to a young child.

I also like getting the sense that everything is going to be ok by the last stanza. Fingers are warming up, toes are wiggling, and the 'frozen terror' is melting. All seemed 'lifeless' and 'frozen' at the beginning. Maybe recounting the memory from a different perspective is what helps to heal. Doing so in front of the fire feels important, intentional. The difference, this time around, could be the words that may not have come to the child at the time, "It is not your fault."

Or I could be reading too much into it. *Smile* Whatever the case, I enjoyed your beautifully written poem. Thank you for sharing.

My Suggestions:
Keep writing.

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Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello,

This is more of a thank you to Arakun the twisted raccoon Author IconMail Icon (and all others involved) than a review, mostly for still being here and keeping the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge going after all this time.

I've been a member at WDC for many years, off and on, albeit missing in action half the time. I've probably had two or three accounts due to forgotten passwords, emails, etc., and WDC has always been there when I need it. It's sometimes been a sort of therapy when things get really bad. I'm rambling now.

What I wanted to say is, of all activities in this place, there is one in particular that I immediately run to every time I renew my subscription. That is
Daily Flash Fiction Challenge Open in new Window. (13+)
Enter your story of 300 words or less.
#896794 by Arakun the twisted raccoon Author IconMail Icon
.

I think it's because you're there every day. If I'm feeling too insecure to submit whatever I've come up with using today's prompts, I can try again tomorrow. There's no pressure, only fun. It helps me think creatively, more regularly, which is something I desperately need right now; and I absolutely adore writing flash-fiction. Maybe I have commitment issues, but I have a had such a hard time finishing longer works beyond a few thousand words.

Anyway, when you hit the 20 year mark, it's not surprising to see some groups/contests deleted or frozen in time. I'm grateful to see this one is still up.

Thank you! *HeartV*
9
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Review of Another Nessie?  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
You had me at "Trundlebutt." *Laugh* A well written, strange story (I love strange) with great dialogue. Thank you for sharing your art!
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Review of The Caring Soul  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Such a beautiful ending, I nearly shed tears. It's nice to see happy endings like this.

Thank you for sharing this story.
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Review of Time Passes  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Patrick McDonagh Author Icon

I found your poem using the Read A Newbie feature and thought I'd do my best to send a proper review.

My Thoughts:
My immediate response was what a coincidence. I wrote a pretty emotional piece on the subject of time only hours ago. Perhaps it's because I can relate to the feeling of time rushing by far too quickly that I enjoyed your work, which I thought was well-written.

My Favorite Part:
I could not help smiling when I noticed what you did here.

This instant, this second, this moment in time
Is the only sure thing I can truly call mine


The idea that the present is something we can call ours is a refreshing philosophy, in a world ruled by corporations, the "boss man" and routine. It's inspiring.

My Suggestions:
I don't claim to know technicalities in poetry, so I try to stay away from that. However, there is one stanza where the flow felt slightly broken.

So let's live in the present not future or past
And treasure each experience that goes by so fast


Perhaps it's the four-syllable word, "experience." However, I could not come up with anything better. In other words, I'm probably wrong but I wanted to give honest feedback. *Smile*

Write On!! *Pencil*


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Review of Bloody Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello MysteryBox42 Author Icon

I found your story on the "No Dialogue Contest-CLOSED" Open in new Window. page. Congratulations on being on of the winners for this story! *Delight* I am a member of the WDC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and I am happy to review you!

My Thoughts:
Great opener! I was sucked into the story right away with the heart painted in blood. I love thrillers! Finding out this was a female serial killer made it even more delicious.

You stuck to the prompt perfectly. She was definitely flirting with him in her own bizarre way. That, or he imagined it. Either way, it works!

I wondered if he would be her next victim, which brings me to my next point. I can totally see this being a longer story. There are so many unanswered questions (that you can't really fit into 700 words or less), like do they ever end up together? Was she really contemplating retirement and continued only because of her attraction to him? Where did he store the keepsakes she left for him? It must of felt like he was committing the crime himself, since he would have had to be so careful.

My Favorite Part:
You are very precise in describing his routine, his attire, the tools of the trade, etc. I was able to imagine how meticulous he must have been, almost as if he took extra care on the scenes of her crimes. At least, that's how it played out in my head. *Laugh*

My Suggestions:
I only saw one small typo when reading this cool story. I think you may have meant to say snake instead of sake below.

"The wanton passion, the thrill of danger, the garden sheers tucked away underneath the bed like a sake waiting to uncoil."


Write On!! *Pencil*


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13
13
Review by Goddess Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't know much about poetry, but you are an amazing poet in my eyes. I got little chills, and a genuine smile (much needed for me these days) while reading your poem. As a person who currently feels a little disconnected from nature, mostly due to living at work and going home to a concrete jungle (apartment), I long to do something like this myself--plant a tree *Smile*. I feel like it would really help me spiritually.

Anyway, I really loved this poem. It's inspiring and fills me with hope. Thank you for sharing.
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