I'm grinning from ear to ear reading this. It's captivating and held my attention throughout. I was hoping to discover who those friends really are. My guesses include; multiple personality disorder, nanotechs, traveler invasion, ghost twin, accidentally embedded chips from the remains of a really cool writer, etc.
I think this is great even though I haven't read any short stories this "short before". It's amazing that as short as it stands, it was easily understood. Reminds me of an abstract. Is there going to be a full story on this? Would really love to read it.
WAOH!!! This is huge. Great short story. As much as I enjoyed going through it, I can't but noticed an obvious lapse in the story "I'm sorry, Dean, I just need this to end right now." I got confused because I initially thought it was a different day. But then, you wrote "I curled the sheets around my waist as I stood up and moved to the window" . This made me wonder if you implied that she called with same night which I seriously doubt because her husband was in bed with her.
So, I think you need to clarify that aspect.
|Good luck
I think your story is marvellous. It followed a beautiful pattern and was well written. You not only had an active imagination but also an excellent flow of words. I found your character description very creative and I could visualize them springing to life. The only thing I would advise is making it scary earlier in the story than later.
Seriously, I am at a lose for words. I do think you are a good writer and you succeeded in carrying the reader along while imagining a real life scenario. I hope you write a similar poem on 'guys, are quite confusing' lol! Keep up with the good job
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