Great start! I like the emotion that you allow your characters to show - good and bad. The flow stutters in a few places though and distracts momentarily from the story. If you could even that out, I think the characterization and dialogue would have a bigger impact!
I really enjoyed what I read and will have to check out the other chapters you have posted!
I think you have the start of what could prove a very interesting tale started here. The plot flows well from start to end. The characters show definite promise. For the story alone I'd have rated you 4-4.5. :)
You have some spelling and grammar issues that need to be worked out though - there should be their in several spots for example and watch out for verb tense agreement. All things that are easily fixed. :)
Hey there :)
I just stumbled across this while I was wandering around the site searching ports for something new to read. I figured I've give it a shot. :) As requested, I'll read with an eye to plot development, character development rather than worrying about grammar and spelling! I agree - that can all be fixed, but if a story doesn't grab a reader, you are sunk from the start.
I found the beginnings of this tale very enjoyable and you have crafted a plot that hooks the reader - this reader at least. Your characters are very interesting - my only wish would be to know more about Karen - her background and what it means to be Interi/Shade-Weaver - than can be found in the Prologue. But presumably that background comes to light in the following chapters. Plus I love that slightly perverse twist that seems to hover around Karen - the closing paragraph is probably the best example of what I mean - I think I identify with her. lol I love the unexpected. :)
Would I shell out cash for the book? Sure. :) If the rest of the story shows the promise the prologue has hinted at it would be a worthwhile purchase.
Great start and I wish you luck with your agent search!
I think you've made a strong start - your characters are very interesting and it seems clear that you have a goal for all of the primaries - no one seem extraneous.
The Changling/Sedlarl dynamic works well as it plays out - you've given just enough backstory to captivate a reader and leave them eagerly anticipating more info on the two groups.
There are minor spelling issues - certainly nothing glaring or earthshattering - all the kinds of things that spell check never catches! Overall the story flows well, but there are a few sections where the cadence/flow stutters a little. My suggestion would be to read each section aloud - something that was suggested by a professor I had years ago. I feel like a total idiot when I do it, but it can be very helpful!!
Great job so far!! And I can't wait to see more. :)
Very creepy!!!!! Would love to know more about what happened - how did Jeff get rescued? Who came and shot (Presumably) Kate? What does the fly-like behavior foreshadow?
Very intertaining! I like the format you've chosen to share your story. You leave the reader not only curious about the general progress of the story, but the question of what happened to the Chimera Installation certainly keeps the reader intrigued.
From a technical standpoint, you might want to do a read-through - there's some minor grammar and spelling issues, but the story itself is great!
Very visual and engaging beginning - enough descriptive elements to truly create the scene for the reader, but not so many that it overwhelms. Nice balance achieved. Arae seems well fleshed out and a believable character.
It would be nice to see a bit more backstory - her thigh is woundeded - how did that happen? She was out hunting for her sister's Majority - what does this mean? For a feast in celebration of her Majority?
Overall, an extremely enjoyable read - would love to see more and also learn more about that backstory.
Great job!
Morg
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