Hello, I'm reviewing this for "Invalid Item" . I really like how disjointed this flows, because I feel like that's really true to the experience of being bipolar. I have bipolar disorder, too, and my brain is very like this, especially when I'm getting into hypomania. I really like the apt comparison of your mind to a clock, that it's "never at rest." I also like the sentence fragments detailing different emotions, like you're just cycling through them all. Well done!
Wow. This is intensely personal, intensely powerful, and incredibly well-written. It is horrible when someone you know loves you still refuses to see what's going wrong with you. I've had that happen to me, with family and with romantic partners. It feels like you're just screaming at them to see the symptoms, and they just...don't.
I like the ending especially. It feels like there's so much genuine pain in saying "You know what makes it so painful for me? The fact that I know you really love me." Like it would almost be better if they didn't actually care. This is really well-done, good job.
I'm reviewing this for "Invalid Item" . This is so cool! I have bipolar disorder, too, and I never knew that so many people in the public eye were bipolar as well. I knew about Carrie Fisher (she's mentioned in the top list twice, by the way), but that's about it. It's exciting to see that so many people have still managed to be in such a wide range of careers and lead fulfilling lives, even while dealing with bipolar disorder. (Also I agree that Robin Williams seems like he was bipolar.) What a nice list for people to be able to look at and feel like they have positive representation in the real world, and like they aren't alone. Good job and great idea!
I'm reviewing this for "Invalid Item" . I absolutely love this and it just about brought me to tears, especially the ending. This is so well-written and I love the flow and rhythm of it, especially the repetition of "it never happened/you're fine/everything is fine" because that's so relatable when you've been through abuse, and I think especially when you have DID. And the last several lines are brilliant, about the system protecting the host/original, and that y'all will help them know the truth one day. My one quibble is that the punctuation is a little wonky to me, because you have it in some places and not in others, and I think it would work better to either punctuate all of it or not punctuate it (except maybe the question marks...and the apostrophes obviously aha). Great job!
Hi! I'm reviewing this for "Invalid Item" . I think you wrote this really well, with a wealth of imagery, from your "wound weeping in pity" to the "precarious comfort, like a tiny cabin nestled in treacherous mountains." That is such a good way to put it, and I like you talking about there being some solace in self injury, but really, you want to find a way to end it, and "stop drawing those crimson lines." It's really well done, and I hope if it is something that you do personally struggle with, you've found support. Good job!
I really like this. I think it's a nice look at counting down the New Year. I like how you incorporated the sobriety (or lack thereof) with the environment and time itself, e.g. "drunken star filled night" and the "sober sun." I also like the count down being used both for the new year and how long it will take for new year's resolutions to be broken. It's clever. Good job!
...Yep, that's how anxiety feels. I really like how you describe everything welling up inside, but trying not to show it on the outside. I like the run-on feel, since I think that also contributes to the subject matter, but it still feels a bit clunky and awkward in some places? Especially the third line and the sixth line. Maybe you could re-word those a little bit? Still, good job!
I really like the imagery in this! I like all the focus on the weather, from the sun to the rain to the snow. It's really pretty. The lack of punctuation and capitalization is a bit jarring, I think especially because "you" is capitalized in the first line, but then nothing else is. So it might improve it to go back through and add punctuation and capitalization, or it might interrupt the flow of the piece, I'm not sure. I do actually like the flow of it, and the way each thought starts with "you" and goes on to say what "you" do for the one narrating the poem. It's really nice.
Congratulations on your impending nuptials! I've been married for two years, and it's lovely. I like your poem, although I think the rhyming scheme hurts it, at least in the beginning (as I haven't heard many church bells that go "ding"). On the other hand, I really like the last few lines: "because when one has the other/then one another's love/is from beginning to end." It has a lovely rhythm and is really beautiful, I think.
*snickers* I don't think Clara got Choal culture right somehow. I like how the title/set-up makes it sound like if she smiles, something disastrous is going to happen and it turns out it's the only reason the negotiations go well.
There are a few errors I can see, like toward the end--instead of "Both are empires," I think you meant "Both our empires," and in the last sentence, it feels like a run-on? Perhaps you could make "Share the planets equally" its own sentence?
Anyway, I like this, and I'm glad Joy didn't bite her tongue off.
This ends up being quite a tongue twister if you try to read it out loud. So many W's! (Not to mention the description that is also rife with W's.) It makes a strangely enchanting sort of sense, though, even if I can't quite imagine walruses waltzing. The "Where-else" line is a bit jarring? It doesn't flow quite as well as the rest. I like it all anyway, though.
This is pretty. And powerful. I like the fact that the first stanza and the last stanza are the same, it definitely leaves an impact (and also reminds me of the water cycle, actually). I notice that a lot of the poem dwells more on the destructive effects of water? Like "flooding the land" and "destroys homes, farms, businesses" etc. And I kind of wish that there was a stanza or two that paid attention to some of the "happier" effects? Like nourishing farms or nature, or something happier, because it might lend more impact to the rest of it, to all the destruction that water also plays a part in? But I think it's well done either way.
This poem sounds...painful. Like there's so much bitterness laced through it, but then there's still some happy stuff looking up, especially at the end, that things have turned around for the narrator, even without her, there's still good things, which I like.
There are some errors? In the second line, there should probably be a comma after "no" and in the third line (and the first line of the third stanza), I don't think "kids" needs an apostrophe. "Keep" doesn't need to be capitalized in the second line of the second stanza, and it should be "although" in the third line of the last stanza.
But yeah, I like this, I can see someone telling their ex this, and starting out really angry, and then realizing how things have gotten better without her.
Huh. This is an interesting poem. It rushes along very quickly--rather like fast-moving water, come to think of it. But perhaps a little too rushed, because of how short the lines are? The rhythm's a bit off, I think, too, but perhaps that fits with what it's about. I like the end, the "Many do not/Or simply refuse to know," because that applies to so many things in life. Good job.
Awww. Tigger sounds like she was a very lovely and well-loved cat. It sucks when you lose an animal friend, I know from personal experience. I think writing about her like you have is very sweet, especially that you went and told her about Bella. Bella sounds like a handful! I'm glad that you could find another cat to share your life with, though.
I like it! Were the words "entice" and "daring" ones that had to be used in the poem? Because otherwise, the fact that they're bolded is a bit distracted. I really like the first two lines, although I'm curious now how evening clouds have managed to do all that. Good job!
i found this through random review, and i quite like this! very succinct little stanzas, but everything comes together really nicely. i like the first part the most, with the jellyfish, although actually touching a jellyfish sounds quite dangerous...still, it's really cute and sounds like an awesome day at the beach.
I like this poem, searching for four leaf clovers, but I kind of wish there was more to it. Like why is "you" important, where are they? I like the concreteness of it all, but I also wish there was more than just the more...mundane-ness almost? of looking for four leaf-clovers.
I really like the line: "I spy one between the dumpster and a phone pole." And how detailed the setting is in terms of the weather and what's going on and how the narrator is searching for clovers.
I know literally nothing about Catholicism and confessionals and rosaries, but I liked that. It has a very somber feel, but then again, considering what he's seeking, how could it not? I also like the fact that the child's spoken of as innocent and not having to pay for his father's decisions. The ending is a bit odd to me, but I can't quite put my finger on why. Maybe because it jumps ahead like that? I don't know. But I like the poem anyway.
That was very...odd. And unsettling. In a good way. It's really hard to pull off second person point of view, but I think you managed it there. I've got no idea what's wrong with the protagonist, but he intrigues me. Also makes me think he's psychotic or something, with his inward thoughts compared to what he does outwardly and how he can't laugh like a normal person because his real voice slips through. Very interesting...
Oh gods, I love the form this is written in, although I'm not very familiar with it, and wonder if there are some bits the rhythm stumbles on ((at least while I was reading along in my head)). Still, I think it's an absolutely lovely poem, and I love the word and stylistic choice, because it all flows together quite well. I also love the narrator's answer to the woman in black, it's very sweet, although the whole thing is also quite somber. Reminds me of dark victorian things. Well done.
Well, you can definitely tell it's in progress. Although even while in progress, it might be better to leave off editing/adding at the end of a sentence or paragraph because how it is right now is really jarring and confusing.
I think the idea of garden dragons is really cute! I like how the point of view of the first chapter is from a garden dragon's. It has a very fantastical feel to it, and I like how she describes the things she sees, like the "smallest of the female two-legs," and then how she relates everything back to what a garden dragon would know ((like the hungry hatchling)). It's very cute, and works very well.
There are a lot of grammatical errors and things, though, like in the first part, for instance, it should say, "One would never think that there were dragons there." Things like that, along with some strange run-on things.
Aside from the race being called Pern, which ended up putting The Dragonriders of Pern series in my head and confusing me momentarily, I really like all of this. It's very interesting and I got really drawn into it. They definitely bit off more than they could chew, walking into a daycare center like that! I kind of want other ships and other people to find this planet now, it sounds fascinating (like why are there such cleared areas around settlements that predators leave alone, etc.). Great story!
This is so delightfully odd. And yet I like it, because it's so quirky! What an interesting story to turn into a poll. And I love how you find out it's Phobos and Deimos who told it, who else? I can't think of anything to change or fix, although I think there should be another option that says pi is all of those things at once because it's just THAT awesome.
this was a very interesting story. i'm honestly not quite sure how i feel about it. the ending seems slightly unrealistic or like it's what he wants her reaction to be, more than what it actually is, for some reason. it's also slightly confusing through it how long they have known each other, when i started it, i thought that basically they had talked for a while and then had one date, and by the end, it seems like they're on again off again and have been in a relationship for quite a while?
i like his kidnap of her, especially with how clever she was, like with spitting the water out in his face, but i also like how he always can fight back, it makes it creepier how he always has a counter-move. a lot of his thought processes are like a stalker's, i think, which makes it interesting, and i also like how he acts like kidnapping her is just an ordinary thing, almost, like he just thought of how he needed to tell her his feelings, ergo, he'll kidnap her!
very good.
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I really like how disjointed this flows, because I feel like that's really true to the experience of being bipolar. I have bipolar disorder, too, and my brain is very like this, especially when I'm getting into hypomania. I really like the apt comparison of your mind to a clock, that it's "never at rest." I also like the sentence fragments detailing different emotions, like you're just cycling through them all. Well done! 
It's clever. Good job! 
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it's also slightly confusing through it how long they have known each other, when i started it, i thought that basically they had talked for a while and then had one date, and by the end, it seems like they're on again off again and have been in a relationship for quite a while?