Wow, this is really nice and deep. Very understanding of the mystery of the rapidly dying forest realm. The following sounds a little forced
"The thick branches blocked out all light,
concealing the forest in eternal twilight,"
Otherwise it was really fun to read.
Really beautiful, poetic piece. The story is really compelling and exciting, but mostly it is the style of writing that pulled me in. I personally am not particularly interested in this Genre of writing, and that this story instantly captured me and moved me to this failed robbery is an amazing feat. You could possibly make it a little slower with more description to give the reader more of a sense of apprehension. That is merely a suggestion, however, as I really like the story.
Beautiful poem, but as a good god-fearing American I have to object to the ideas within it... Wait... I have an education... Never mind. You are totally right It was a horrible thing that happened, and is happening. What the U.S. Does is not just harmful to others, but to itself. We live in a corperatocracy over here, where all money is spent on bailing out corporations and expanding our already vast military force. Education is cut, partially to fund our other endeavors, and partially to ensure that people are too stupid to speak out against atrocities such as the one you write your poem about. Not only do you have nice rhymes in your poem, but ou also nailed the U.S. to a t!
Great poem! I like little things like that. There are a few places where the rhythm is slightly lost, but aside from that you really did well. Also I may not have correctly interpreted how the poem was intended to be read, so don't worry about that too much. The last line, in finding a new way to overextend your luck, could possibly be changed however. The rest of the lines are phrased more positively, but finding a new way to overextend ones luck is a bit more negative. It seems that the intent of the poem is to put a new spin on everything, so you could, possibly, change it to something slightly more positive. Possibly along the lines of finding a new way not to keep your job (I know this doesn't fit with the rhyming pattern, but you could fit it in using synonyms, rephrasing, and suck) In reference to a way not to make a light bulb. All of that aside, great poem, I will look for more of yours.
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