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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/moonstone8
Review Requests: OFF
19 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to tell you how smooth and coherent your piece is, along with exactly what I think you could do better. My goal is not to bring you down at all, my goal is to help you improve for next time and what you can continue doing.
Favorite Genres
Romance/Love, Dystopia, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Teen, Contest Entries
Least Favorite Genres
I'll review anything you like!
Favorite Item Types
I like longer form writing, but short stories are still good!
Least Favorite Item Types
I don't feel like I am the best at poetry, but I'll give it my best shot.
Public Reviews
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1
Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Jeez, I am so sorry I missed your request! I've been off and on this platform for a bit, and I'm not super active, so I always feel so awful when I see the expired times in my inbox. Once again, I am so sorry!!

Anyways, I thought your story was very good! I liked the character's more tired attitude, and the sadness in her backstory is very prevalent near the end. I always love seeing fun character attitudes, and the way she hates her job seems very realistic, as I would hate that too! And I love the name, it is so unique and I love a unique name. And her backstory is a classic heartthrob, nothing you can't go wrong with.

The one thing I would mention, as someone who has written many fantasy stories, I do notice something that took me quite a while to realize when I began writing fantasy. I know this is a short story, but I do see a lot of almost throwing information at your reader in a big chunk. This may not make any sense to you, but it's something that is SO hard to notice until you learn the genre. You see, the otter introducing the ideas of this dimension is very good, and I like the way you framed it. But it does become very clumpy once the otter begins talking about the rules, and so on and so forth. It disrupts the flow, and one piece of advice I would say would be to allow yourself a bit of mystery. If you end up revising or returning to this piece, I would try to restrain yourself a little. Believe me, I know the temptation to write out every thought in your head onto the page, but sometimes it's not the best. To sort of restrain that, I would form a little page where you write down rules of the world so you remember, and as the character explores, other members of the Land of Mirrors can introduce other things about the story.

If you continue writing this story, let me know as I would be glad to review the other parts as well! It seems super interesting and I would love to see what kind of conflict you add in, and what other beings Jersey meets here. Thank you for the request, and good luck! :)
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I came across your story in the "Read & Review" tab and I thought I'd take a look! The story you are telling is quite interesting, and it seems to me that you are well versed in the idea of an action story. The way you describe the troops and the way the car looks is very good, something that really paints a picture. I like the story and the way you frame it, switching between the different groups and how they are interpreting this information.

However, I do think there are a few things to improve upon, as is with any story that is written. In the beginning there are a few small grammar mistakes, nothing you can't fix with a simple reread anyway. I do want to point out, that when having so many groups that don't have names, it can be hard to distinguish between who's doing what.

All in all, this was a fun read, and I wish you tons of luck with the rest of your stories! :)
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3
Review of Cowboy Heaven  Open in new Window.
Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I was intrigued when I got your review request notification, and I decided to check it out! I like the way you paint a picture of what your cowboy heaven would look like, and using the questions as a way to phrase it does make it flow. The only thing I would say about that is that it does make the lines without questions, like the lines at the end of the fourth stanza, stand out. However, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, just something to watch for. The rhyming is good, I don't see any issues with that. Grammar is good as well.

All in all, I liked this little poem about what cowboy heaven would look like. It painted a nice picture, and it flowed very well. I wish you luck with the rest of your poems, and I hope to read more in the future! :D
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Wow! You must know I'm partial to a good romance! But in all honesty this is a very good story. I love how well thought out the plot was, and the way everything sort of fell into place. I do like the idea of someone haunting someone they liked, and I liked the way you went through with this so everyone got their happy ending.
However, I do feel like the plot was a bit quick for my taste and not completely spelled out. For instance, when Violet is at the restaurant with Alice, it seems a bit rushed the way she leaves and Stan suddenly appears. For future stories, I would try to elaborate just a tad more to see the plot completely spelled out.
But your story is great and I would love to see more from you! :D
5
5
Review of War of the donkey  Open in new Window.
Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was a very good flash fiction piece! I love the setting you painted in such a short amount of words. I love the way you can convey the mood of this story so well. As someone who enjoys dystopian type stories that most of the time have war-like scenes, this is a perfect way to describe it in a short time. I hope you continue writing flash fiction because this is really good.
For future times, I would say maybe try to focus on a specific point more, and just work on describing that point more, with heavy detail. But this is a really good story and I hope you keep it up! :D
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Review of Guardians  Open in new Window.
Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, I am very excited about this! The intro is so cool and very intriguing. The names of the spirits are very cool and sound just like something straight out of one of my favorite fantasy books! To be honest, I am kind of a sucker for a good fantasy, but this intro is amazing and I am waiting for what comes next!

The only thing is, I don't know if this is intentional, but capitalize the spirits' names. Then again, this could be a writer's choice, but I'd love to know.
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the fast-paced notion of this short story! It shares so many feelings and a full plot structure in a few paragraphs and that takes skill. I loved how you made Ian so sure of his decision but Seraphine(I love that name by the way) is very angry but also feels bad. The only thing I thought could be improved was her reaction to Ian telling her he was dating Cassius. It seemed a bit stereotypical, but otherwise, great short story!!
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Review of I Can Hear You  Open in new Window.
Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked how you showed the protagonist's emotions and how helpless she feels. The ending was really heartwarming, and I think your story moved along quickly and smoothly. You did well on making the short story really shine through and make a cohesive plot-line within a few paragraphs. There were a few typos, but everyone makes mistakes, so I don't care that much. I felt your character's emotions and they felt very real to me.
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9
Review of Magrev's Mistake  Open in new Window.
Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your story flowed nicely, I liked your choice of words and descriptors. There were maybe one or two typos, not enough to lose a star or a half, but I enjoyed your story and I liked the ending a lot.
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, I'm new to Writing.com as of a week ago, and I have only written two stories but it is such a nice feeling to read a review. I really like your reviewing style and I hope when I get a few more GPs to have you read one of mine! I know this isn't really a review, but I like the way I can hear the emotion in your voice(even though I've never heard you) through your writing. It's hard to do that and you did it well.
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked your vocabulary you used, and how you made the whole poem very loving and very warm. I could feel the emotions you were trying to give, and I really enjoyed it. Overall, I think you did a great job rhyming and finding words to rhyme(occurrence and deterrence was really good) and this was a good poem!
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overall, this story was very cool and I like the idea behind it. I only found a couple of errors, so that's why I took away half a star, but otherwise this tory ran along smoothly and I liked how you portrayed the characters!
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This story was very interesting! I liked the mix of Dutch and English you added, along with the cool mystery idea. And the ending was really good!
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Review by Moonstone Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I myself had recently posted to the Tangerine Skies prompt and got an email for this and when I read this I couldn't help thinking wow! This is such a good interpretation of the song! I like how in-depth you go with the emotion he is feeling, and the whole idea is very intriguing.
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