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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mookage
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Review by Mookage Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really enjoyed your writing here.

Some things I'd personally like to see - Open up your description more - what does Lily understand 'Asian-looking' to be - this is a great way to actually give us her view on the Dragon statue.

You make quite a number of references in the same way - as if the reader is expected to already have a view on what you're describing and you might be selling yourself short here by not including the description as Lily sees it, because that's a great way to express her character.

I realy like the premise of a bookshop - I want to know how Lily found the place, how she came to be offered the job - my imagination tells me it's because Hollis recognised something about her?

I'd love to ead more
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