This is an excellent piece of work! Technically speaking, the cadence is consistent enough to make it a fun read. The rhyming pattern was simple and perfectly executed.
Emotionally speaking, this is a subject all too dear to my heart. So many times people get lost in this internet jungle and decide to trade it all in; only to find out reality is the only thing you can count on! A sad declaration on the state of affairs in the 21st century.
The plot was well thought out. The character description was confusing in that the beginning made her seem small and slight. Yet she was dressed in large and stood out hugely. how about:
Despite the wram August weather, a black scarf covered her face completely, obviously in an attempt at concealment. This made her stand out, in the small evening crowd.
A very good first chapter for what could be a very good book! What comes next?
The title piqued my curiousity as to what was being watched and where, and after reading several times I am left wondering what.
Technically, I would trade out longed for sought your body's warmth. No comma between day and tears.
For the most part I was able to understand what you were implying, but the last phrase about "your deeps" went over my head. The "deep embrace that strikes your love-struck fleshy heart" was excellent in the way it danced off my tongue.
All together not a bad piece. Keep up the good work!
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