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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/minbari_child
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Review by mind the gap Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Heya! I really liked this. Was a writ to be a song? It's got a great rhythm, and it feels modern enough to be set to music. I also hope you take that as a compliment. I'm not exactly a poet myself, but I'd say the use of the word "broken" twice in the second verse is maybe a bit much, since you don't repeat words in other verses. Find a way to substitute one of them for another word?
Overall, great work. Thanks!
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