This is a pretty good poem about someone who hurt you but you choose to let them not defeat the person you are.
I do have a suggestion I think might help this read a little better. you have two lines that are very long, how about cutting them into another two lines.
Example
I knew you a million life times ago,
kind words from your lips soft and slow.
Tangled limbs and glowing eyes,
only bitter truth to cover lies.
The butterflies in me have all met their death,
I had hoped there would be one flutter left.
and then the last two lines the same.
Just a suggestion as I think it would improve on the meter and flow some.
Other than that I think it is a very emotional piece and is well written with rhymes!
Thank you for sharing and Write On!
Best wishhes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello there,
I decided to read this piece from you. First let me welcome you to WDC!! I hope you find the inspiration and help you need to be successful in your writings.
I read this piece because I have personal experience with this sitoation. Not exactly the same but I can relate to it.
I think you did a great job with the emotions and descriptions in this write. In poetry you were able to capture the emotions a woman feels once something like this has happened to her. I think you would do a great job with a short story on this subject as well. Just a suggestion, i would like to see that from you.
I think you did a good job with the rhymes in this piece as well. I didn't find any pushed to rhyme words!
As well I found no grammer errors or misspellings either.
I like the style and the meter was well within reason to the style. You description of this piece is what brought me into reading this piece! I also think it is a very good title for this piece.
Therefore except for seeing you write a short story on the subject, I don't ave any suggestions for you at this time.
Thank you for the read and Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Well I am so glad you had friends and family that were there for you and concerned enough to tell you it would kill you. I also think you made the right choice to quit. Congradulations on your accomplishment!
I think you did a great job with this poem. It is something a lot of people can relate to which makes it easy to understand.
Also I enjoyed the style and rythme. Nice use of rhyming words for descriptions!
I found no grammer errors or mispellings so in all I think this is a perfect write! Thank you for sharing and do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Great pictures! I loved my time spent in Germany! those were some of the best times of my life. We traveled a lot when I lived there. Mostly going on the famous walks they have there to different cities and country sides! Amazing beauty in Germany. I especially loved the churches there and the castles!
These pictures re,ind me a lot of my experience living there!
Alveterzein sorry forgot how to spell it, it's been many years! Thank you for sharing these wonderful pictures and bringing back some fond memories!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here. Figured I would return the favor of a review! I think this is such a sad emotional write to someone you lost just before you were to wed. That is so sad. I am glad to know that you are certain you will meet again. That is wonderful!
I like the style, free verse to me is the best! No false rhymes to express your true emotions.
I do have a suggestion or two though. When talking of Heaven and the Lord those words are to be capitolized as they are proper nouns. Other than that I have enjoyed the read!
Thank you for sharing and keep on writing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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This is a lovely, sad sort of write you have written here. I enjoyed reading it though. Your descriptions are wonderful! the choice of words to express yourself is amazing! It's sad to have lost a loved one and to feel that you are no longer whole when they do. This is a piece I know a lot of people can relate to which makes it easy to read and understand your meaning.
I found no grammer errors or misspellings either. All in all I have enjoyed the read!
Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I think this is a pretty cute little write about keeping your grandson in the house and away from the street. I learned on day that my little 3 year old could open the door when i left and went across the street to the school I turned around and there he was following me, my little mama's boy. Scareist thing I tell ya!!
I do think that a few lines in this poem were rushed into finding a good rhyme, sometimes very hard to do but in all it is still a pretty good write and a very enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing and write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Awww this is such a sweet write from a babies point of view. Exactly what they would probably say too! Very nice use of descriptive words to describe emotions, thoughts, and feelings! I found it a little funny, but mostly so very true. I found no errors so kudos for that as well. All in all i think it's wonderfully written!
Thank you for sharing!
Write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I figured I would return the favor and read one of your pieces.
I like the way you described the city in it's previous state. Very descriptive words for such a short poem.
Also the statement about how it now is less descriptive but still makes your point.
I liked the read! thank you for sharing! Write on!
best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I like the idea of a new word, but this piece has left me a little confussed. I think you should elaborate on some of the things in the movie you are saying are "fracts." Seems like it would be an interesting word though but it really needs more definition to it. Other than that i like the spelling and what the term will stand for, just need examples to go with it. Good luck with this! Would really like to see more new words out there.
Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Oh this is such a sad poem. The courage it must take to end the life of a child. It's a question most can only answer when faced with the decission.
This piece holds so much emotion in it. So much pain, but at the same time a feeling of relief. End the suffering, wish that someone else was in charge of that choice. It had to have been the hardest thing to ever have to do and I will not pretend to know exactly what the emotions are. I just know what I read in this write. You touched my heart with this poem and the emotions make it the best it can be. I don't think there are any suggestions anyone could give to a piece such as this.
Thank you for sharing and do continue to write and share!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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also in the last paragraph is spelled wrong. Sorry I just shot that right out there didn't I.
Anyway i needed to get that out of the way so i could concentrate on the good stuff!
This is a wonderful story about a man you concider a hero. It takes a lot of strength both outside and in to want to fight for your abilities and in this case I think you did a wonderful job detailing this mans strength. I'm sure this man is glad to have you as a friend. I'm glad he had such a wonderful family as well. You did just an amazing wonderful job of this story and I really like the way you ended it.*thunmbsup*
Thank you for sharing this piece and do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Thought I would review one of your stories today. I really enjoyed reading it. I got a few laughs from it, especially towards the end. I also enjoyed the way you ended it. Seems like there will be more to the story.
I also think you did a good job with details in this piece. i was able to picture all those things happening at the same time. As well as describing the engine and car itself.
I didn't feel rushed into the plot of the story either. It was in all a nice slow read.
I did notice one little thing in the beginning. In the parenthesis when you talk about his mother wanting to give him anything she might think he wanted, you said anything he might think he wanted.
Other than that I enjoyed the read! Thank you for sharing and do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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It's a wonderful thing that you would want people to find hope in your story. Motherhood for the first time is as you described it: wonderful and scary. I think you did a good job at expressing the feelings you had for this first pregnancy.
I do however have a few suggestions for you: Most of the errors are in the purple area. the only thing that matter should be mattered. I felt a peace with her and I wash over me. Maybe this line could read: I felt peace wash over her and I. Fist should be first, came love... After, came fear, which ... Looking into thoose should be those. right or wrong choice, that there. Last one is in light blue or teal color: becoming a mother for the first time go away after the first time. Maybe you could tighten this sentence up a little by using: becoming a mother for the first time, those feelings never go away.
Other than these little things, I think this is a very good write for others to get something out of and I thank you for writing it! Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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OH WOW! I think you did an amazing job with this poem! Very emotional indeed! I have never lost anyone to the wars thankfully, my father and husband were both in one and I thank God everyday they are still here. I think you did a wonderful job describing the surroundings of being in a war. It had to be such a horrible sight. I am proud of all the soldiers who risk their lives in war to give us the freedom we have. If not for them who knows what our country would be like today. Thank you for this wonderful read. I think it is just amazingly done!
Keep on writing and Sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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This is a very wonderfully written piece. I was drawn in and I couldn't stop reading until the end. I honestly thought in the beginning that this story would be about the two characters on the woman's death bed. It caught me off guard when the curtains lowered! Wonderful job. I also liked the ending. She seems like a crued person in a way but I saw her point as well. I think this is a very well written story and I'm glad I stopped to read another one! Thank you for this lovely read.
Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Wow what an amazing story! I have a poem in my port A Green Beret, it's bassed on something like this with my mother. Wasn't family, but a friend she thought and was told was dead. I was with her when we ran into him. It was amazing! You brought that day back for me with this story and i thank you for that. There are so many things like this that happen and it does make you wonder why and how. Very descriptive write you have here. It shocked and amazed me. Thank you so very much for such a wonderful read!
Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello mmbabyfac here!
Figured I would return the favor and review a work of yours! I am very glad I choose this one! I think you did a wonderful job with descriptions in this piece. I think it is very inspirational. You did a wonderful job writing this! I have enjoyed reading it! It was so emotional! I do have a suggestion for you though. When you talk of Heaven and Earth you really should capitolize them both, as they are proper nouns.
Other than that I couldn't rate it anything but perfect. Capitolization and misspelings don't take away from the meaning you are trying to set in your writing.
Thank you for sharing this piece and do keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Dawn Embers,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor as well as for the Newbie Raffle!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: This is a beautiful poem! I really enjoyed reading this poem about autumn. I think this poem is brilliantly written in style, meter and rhythme! I love the descriptions you used to describe each part of the day and night in autumn. I found no misspelings or grammer wrrors either. I can not offer any siggestions to a write i think is already a perfect write!
Please continue to write and share as I have enjoyed reading some of your works.
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello mars,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you for the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor as well as for the Newbie Raffle!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I think this is a wonderful poem anbout a long distance friendship. I have found the same thing here on WDC and she is the most wonderful person i've ever known. This is a poem that a lot of people can relate to which makes it easy to feel your emotions. I think it flows nicely and the meter was well put together. The style was also nice, I like the color as well. Suggestions: I think this is a nice piece on describing a friendship but I would like to see a little more added about what you have in common and things such as this. Also because of the color and size mixed together, I personally find it a little hard to read.
Other than this little point, i think this is a great write and I enjoyed reading it. It made me think of my friend! Thank you for the read and please continue writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello mars,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor as well as for the Newbie Raffle!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions i think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: This is such a sad eulogy in my opinion. you talk about the sad things in your life mostly. You have focused on a few good things about yourself, but mostly it feels a little negative. Not saying it's a bad thing. I think this is a simple down to the point poem with no exadurations that is easy to read and understand. I like the style and the meter was well on mark. Suggestions I have: None I think this write describes exactly what you set out to do!
Thank you for the read and I hope that this eulogy will have more possitive things in it by the toime it is your turn to go. Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Mumsy,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor as well as for the Newbie Raffle!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions i think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I really got a kick out of reading this poem of yours for a childrens book! I enjoyed it and as well my children did too! It's an educational poem as well as entertaining! which is a great aspect for a childs book! I like the simple style and the rhythme was wonderful! Very well done with the meter as well! I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. In all I think this is a perfect write and the only suggestion I could offer you is to use color in this write to make it stand out more, but it is wonderful as it stands as well! Thank you for this wonderful poem and I hope you continue writing and sharing with us!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Mumsy,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor as well as for the Newbie Raffle!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review:
Although this piece is short it holds a lot of detail. I felt my mouth begin to ewater reading the description of the ice cream and I actually hate Vanilla!! I also like the ending. Caught me off guard!! Kuddos on that!
I found no misspellings or grammer errors either. I think for a 55 word writing assignment you did an amazing job! Thank you for the wonderful read! I've gotta go eat something now!!hehehe
Keep on writing and sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Walkinbird 3 Jan 1892,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor as well as for the Newbie Raffle!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: First off I want to say that I am surprised that this item has had no ratings in all this time. I have personally enjoyed reading it! I think you did a good job in giving your opinion on telivised award shows. I personally think they are a waiste of time and lots of undeserve attention and money. I think even though you didn't give full details about everyone who won and why, the one's you refered to you did a good job describing. I found no misspellings or grammer errors either. My Overall Impression: I think you did a good job in expressing your "O"pinion in this piece. The only thing I would suggest is to emphasis a little about who you think did deserve to win or a little more on why you didn't feel the ones who did win shouldn't have. Other than this I really have enjoyed this comical little piece you have written and I must say the part about the penguins on the red carpet was my favorite part.
I hope you have found this review helpful in some way. Please take what you want from it and leave the rest to throw out.
Thank you for the read and please do continue writing and sharing! I've noticed it has been some time since you have written anything new. I hope you have not been discouraged in any way!
Have a Wonderful, fullfilling Happy new Year!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Amen! I agree with you completely! you have lifted my spirits with this write of yours! I used to get frustrated when someone would say I like it then rate it 3 or 3.5. UGH that used to irritate me, but then like you I began to realize that their comments meant more to me. I'm so glad you have written this piece and I hope it lets others know what they should concentrate on more as well! Job well done! Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing and sharing! I look forward to reading more from you Max 's:' = 40!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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sorry forgot how to spell it, it's been many years! Thank you for sharing these wonderful pictures and bringing back some fond memories!
The courage it must take to end the life of a child. It's a question most can only answer when faced with the decission.
Most of the errors are in the purple area.
I felt a peace with her and I wash over me. Maybe this line could read: I felt peace wash over her and I.
Fist should be first, came love...
After, came fear, which ...
Looking into thoose should be those.
Max 's:' = 40!