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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/metaphore
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Metaphore
Rated: E | (4.5)
A great write. A very moving poem. This poem glowes with truth. It had very good flow and the rhymes were smooth and the rest of the stanza went with them perfectly. The only problem I saw was the third stanza glory and stories dosn't rhyme well with stories as plural.
I suggest
Children dying, tonights top story. or something like that. Just and idea. Use it if you want. otherwise a perfect poem.
Derek
2
2
Review of The Whiskerbee  
Review by Metaphore
Rated: E | (5.0)
Whiskerbee, sounds like something out of a childrens book. But this is diffently not a kids story book bug.
More like Dr. Suess for adults. It had good meter and flow.Also great imagery. I could see the wiskerbee walking down the road and everything dying in its walk
Great Work Derek
3
3
Review of THE MAN OF WAR  
Review by Metaphore
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I liked the message and subject. But (yeah there is a but) It didn't seem to really flow. Some stanzas ryhmed and some didn't. I had to read it again to see what you were trying to say. Maybe because it was free flow maybe not. But I would at least try to add or remove words where needed to get a certain scheam (ie: 5-7-5) other wise a great poem.
Keep writing.
Derek
4
4
Review by Metaphore
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You had a great rhyming scheam, meter and flow. I only noticed in the first paragraph it didn't rhyme. So i thought it was free verse.

The right to vote, the right to protest
They were bought with sacrifice,
I must stand up to confess

I suggest
The right to vote, the right to protest
They were bought with sacrifice,
When tring times were Stressed.
Just an idea eitherway a great poem
Derek
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