All around this is a very good essay, and I agree with most of what you've said, but with some tweaks here and there, it could be even better.
First off, you never want to explain what you are about to do or say in the paper, like at the end of the first paragraph. And NEVER directly say "my thesis is..."
And in a few sections, your language seems to be very repeatative, like at the end of the third paragraph, and in the middle of the sixth paragraph. You explain these things way too much. Say it so they'll understand it the first time, so you don't have to say "as in" over and over.
While I completely agree that each person takes in art differently, and that the only person that can understand the words we say completely is ourselves, you restate that fact much too frequently. Say it once, maybe twice in necessary, but don't abuse it.
That said, the message of this paper is wonderful! It made me think about some things I've haven't thought about in a long time, and I enjoyed reading it very much. Keep writing, and don't be afraid to accept some constructive criticism.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/metallica_fan
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:31am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.