a place where we have all been; the 'what ifs' of life!
I imagine most everyone shall relate to this write.
RHYTHM & RHYME :
a nice easy flow lends the reader to feel here; as it is not pushed, yet has a natural rhythm that is human, & spiritual.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR :
I noticed you start a new line with an upper case letter at all times in this write. An upper case is only required after a periodfull stop mark, & not for the beginning of a line.
No other errors were found, great job!
MY FAVORITE :
' To another past
another plateau of
beauty and joy.'
Dear Cissy,
I am pleased to be reviewing some of your work on behalf of the 'Bipolar Special Forces Unit'.
* THE STORY :
you have bared your heart & soul in this emotional write.
It is not easy to share such heartache, & I commend you for your openness.
I would like to see this write go further, & you have said it is a work in progress.
As you have come this far, it may be time for you to be more specific in your personal experience & story.
The story as it is, is left a little vague, but I sense that you are preparing in readiness to share more of your self, in a more personal way.
Readers always want to know more; but Cissy, I think YOU will benefit so much from sharing your pain in a more intimate way!
Open up to us...free yourself, if but for a while.
I promise it works magic, & I'm sure you felt a sense of release to write thus far.
You have done a wonderful job, & I look forward to more!!!
Thank you for sharing your inner most self.
Much love, Meriki*
Autumn, (I hope I remembered your name right?...I didn't check, I just know you are Stacey's eldest), you are so beautiful dear, outside & in! Just like your mama!
I'm so glad you are putting your writes up!
This is a beautifully giving poem, with heartache & lessons, fear & trust.
Your rhythm & rhyme is wonderful, & there are no errors!
Well done mate!
I hope you put lots more on here for us all to read!
You should check out suki08.
She is only a bit younger than you, 16, & lives near me. She writes amazing prose & poetry.
I reckon you guys would really relate to each other!
So nice to read you Autumn! Give your ma a hug for me!!!
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