My first impression of this poem, beyond the story, is that it has a gifted author lacking in guidance. The imagery is great, but there is little to hold it together and make it flow. I would try to put more effort into refining the transitions, which I find very abrupt. I am well aware it is difficult to learn how to assemble words in order for them to follow one another in a seemingly effortless way, yet that is what distinguishes the true poet from the casual dreamer. Do not lose heart, though! Being a dreamer is all that matters in the end, inspiration is key, and technique will come with time and effort. Press on!
Congratulations on this playful piece of poetry. I absolutely love the music of it, just like a waltz. Your poem has good flow, save for the fourth stanza, where I find that the word "memories" does not fit. I would have used a monosyllabic word instead, such as dreams or thoughts, or making the line "the marks of your passion which lingers reveal". I now realize I actually thought about this for about twenty minutes. It's great to be inspired by a fellow poet (:
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