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Review of The Trial  Open in new Window.
Review by Melissa L Shell Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL*The Trial*RainbowR*

Hello, George R. Lasher Author IconMail Icon

KEEP WRITING!


Overall Impression

I thought this was a very cute piece of writing. I found it very amusing, and I enjoyed reading it.

Areas of Improvement

I cannot quite put my finger on it, but something about the dialog between the two characters seems a little flat at times. An example of this would be:

Oh God, no, where were they?

In my mind, I see the husband as being very irritated, or upset that once again his wife is right. That is not the impression I get when I read the words.

One suggestion I have to insert the emotion that I feel is lacking, is to change the punctuation up a bit. For example:

Oh God! No! Where were they? or
Oh. God. No. Where were they?

Of course, this only my opinion, and you may not agree.

Minor Corrections

I cannot identify any glaring errors that need your attention, however, you might want to reread it. I think if you inserted a few commas - in the proper places - the overall flow of this piece would drastically improve.

What I Like Most

My favorite part was when he discovered that his keys were missing. It sounds just like something my dad would have done.

Report Card
A:Organization
B:Characters
B:Dialogue
A:Plot
A:Creativity



Write On!
Hope this helps, also check out the links below.

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http://editminion.com/
(Robotic Editor)
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Melissa L Shell Author IconMail Icon

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