Completely entertaining. Truly epic. I was laughing as i read through this. The last sentence was a perfect way to end this.
The only thing that i could think of to change on this (and even this is an insignificant little thing) is that the expressed theology here is a bit messed up. Though Satan and Lucifer may be masks of the same entity (which is something that many theologians of both the christian and the theistic satanic crowd will argue amongst them selves over), Beelzebub is a distinct and separate being. But because few people know nor care about that, it is a meaningless point to bring up.
It started out with a mild feeling of a modern Faustian tale (mild being the key word here), and ended on a very melancholic and fatalistic note. I like that.
It is a brief as it should be. Well worded. Its rather 'catchy' becasue it flows well.
There are a few ways of interpeting this that i see, th most obvious would be that it is being told from the prespective of a drunk. Thre refrence to being both blind and being able to see could be thought of as an individual who drunk to much of low quality high proof (bath tub everclear) which would contain methanol, which is the type of alcohol that causes blindness. And thus lacking the ability to see, becoming no longer distracted (then, being able to see). Or as a refrence to distorted perception. As the drunk intakes more, the drunk's vision becomes more distorted, but as can be the case with alcohol, the drunk believes that the world is becoming clearer. This opinion is inforced by the "for should I speak My tongue will turn into my cheek" because drunk speak will make one into an idiot.
Another way to think of this would be, as a refrence to being poisned. Suicide by poisn. this opinion finds grounding within the first line. The dead see nothing but "know everything" (in death, all shall be revealed, something along that mindset). This can be inforced by the use of everclear. A large quantity of what is made and sold as everclear is high proof but impure. Thus, it being a refrence to the poisn. But this gets confused by the last line, unless it had quotation marks around it (which it did not).
The point of all that being, this is a good poem, because it has an obvious possible interpretation as well as multiple possibilities that require it to be thought through more fully then just an initial reading.
This is well written. In fact, the only flaw i could find was consistency of stanza size. With the addition of a few lines in could 12 4 12 14. But even that isn't really an issue.
A suggestion, would be in the third stanza to recap the plant=pain image. It would give the poem a more rounded feel. But again, it is good as it is now.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mecharius
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:14am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
