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Review of I Wish I Were  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this poem. You chose the right words to display the picture that you wanted us to see.

My favorite lines were:

"Sparkling when the day refuses to stay no more
Peeping at you through clouds just to make sure"

Not only does it rhyme, and make the poem more fun to read. But, it's so true, and it's written in a way that I didn't really think about, until I read it.

Great job!
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Review of Betrayal  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
by Murc Author Icon
*Heart* For the premise of this group's activity, please see: *Heart*
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NOTE: Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!



*Heart* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:

I found this item using random read, but specifically chose to review it because of the picture, a new style that I was not aware of, and the fact that you left notes for the ignorant reader.

*Heart* OVERALL SENSE:

I really enjoyed this poem. You use several words that pertain to the fantasy genre, but even more specific, the fairy subject... Words like: Darkling, Fairy, Realm. It seems like the adventurer would have initially come across the nice looking path, shown in the picture. But, as I read the poem, I could clearly see myself wandering through a decaying forest.

*Heart* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:

I have no complaints.

*Heart* FAVOURITE LINES:

If I HAD to choose one line that I liked the most, I would have to choose,
"As I began, to my dismay,
I saw the signs of its decay:"

This seems to be the turning point of the poem. The adventurer first enters the forest, expecting some spectacular, beautiful sight. But then, he/she makes it in, and finds that it is actually falling apart due to neglect. I really like the "D" alliteration in these lines, as well as the "ay" assonance.

*Heart* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:

Once again, no complaints.

*Heart* CONCLUSION:

I am glad that this is the first poem that I chose to review today. The flow works well. You have a good choice of words including, in the first stanza, multiple words that can cause one to wonder, and after that, negative words that better describe the forest. I like the rhyme scheme, and I am happy that you decided to tell us what form the poem is, as well as the rest of the notes section. Great job!

Regards,
Murc Author Icon
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Review of Anger  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello There! I am Murc, and this is a WDC Power Review! Please remember that these are only MY OPINIONS. I am by no means trying to take on the role of a teacher.

I liked this piece of advice. I was sceptical about it at first, because of its length. But, in this short piece, you deliver your point, and at the same time, probably helped many people. I know it's a helpful message for me to read. Hopefully many more will as well.

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Have a Great New Year!
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello There! I am Murc, and this is a WDC Power Review! Please remember that these are only MY OPINIONS. I am by no means trying to take on the role of a teacher.

This is a great little guide for anyone that is concerned about their writing ability. I found it to be informative, and I find that I am guilty of a few of these "no-no's". I enjoyed reading this. Not only did it teach me about writing flaws, but it was entertaining, like with the l33t speak. Great job!

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Have a Great New Year!
5
5
Review of House Call  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


My name is Murc and this is a WDC Power Review!


*Please feel free to ignore any comments I make, I am merely being honest.*



My Thoughts:
I am glad to have seen someone that is trying to write a script. It's really a touchy thing, and there's quite a bit to it. This is a good story line. I'd like to help you make this a little more appealing for the script reader.

My Favorite Part:
I like how much information you have here. You definitely have this story thought out, and you have a great talent toward storytelling! They way that you've designed the Pharmacist, being so demented.. It's really quite brilliant. I have never heard of a Pharmacist being the antagonist, this is very original.

Errors or Typos:
There are a few typos throughout this. You don't have to read aloud per say, but just whisper each of the words out as you proofread, and the typos will be very easy to find!

The main problem here, that I really feel like I need to help you with, is your script format. Currently, this is more written like a story. You should try to research the script writing format a little more. When a producer looks at a script, they prefer for it to be in the exact format! A little research will help you out tremendously.

How I think it could be better:
The first thing, do not add quotations around dialogue. That is something that is done is story writing. When a character is first introduced, type their name in CAPITAL LETTERS. This allows the producer to be able to notice the character better. When writing a setting, rather than giving so much description, it is done as a heading to the scene, an example would be:

EXT. - PARKING LOT - NIGHT

This gives the producer a quick visual of what the setting is, rather than having to read through numerous letters. They also prefer the lines describing action to be more simple.. each being separated into their own paragraph.

There is a lot to writing a script, as I mentioned before. Go to google, if you'd like, and type in "Script Format." If you go to images, you can see some examples of how a completed version of this should look. There are also various articles explaining the format, and its importance.

Overall Opinion:
This is a good outline for your script. If you properly format this, it can be really good, and I think you'll easily be able to get it on youtube. I actually didn't know that this Black Box TV existed... As I also want to write scripts someday, I may have to check it out! Keep on writing! You have talent. Let me know when you get this updated! I have a script that I can email to you if you'd like, that I've written on this site. The story is sketchy, but the format is how a producer likes it to look. Let me know!

I hope this review has been helpful for you and that you have a great day!



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Review of Flash  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, mlnck Author Icon!


My name is Murc and this is a WDC Power Review!


*Please feel free to ignore any comments I make, I am merely being honest.*



My Thoughts:
This was an interesting story describing the events of the protagonist's life.

My Favorite Part:
I like how you made each phase of his life blend together throughout the story. An example:

"I watched the hammer fall, becoming wooden, a gavel."

When the father was about to attack his victim, the scene changed, instantly showing the result.

Errors or Typos:
I did not notice any errors.

How I think it could be better:
Now that the contest is over with, I think you should change the description of this item, to allow more readers to want to read this when searching through static items.

Overall Opinion:
I really enjoyed reading this story. It was definitely deserving of a Flash Fiction win. Great job!

I hope this review has been helpful for you and that you have a great day!



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Review of The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, Tornado Dodger Author Icon

This group, is a great place for anyone to check out, who may want to join a contest, find things to read, or simply find something to do. I especially like the set up, including colored headings, appealing pictures, and a numerous quantity of Activity or other "b-items" to view. I have not yet contributed much to this group, but I do intend to start! This is definitely the place for any beginner on the site, or for any competitor of contests!

For anyone that may be reading this review, check out:

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The Talent Pond Open in new Window. (ASR)
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#1261045 by Tornado Dodger Author IconMail Icon
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Review of *NONE*  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This was an interesting story. I found myself being caught in suspense as she was caught in a nightmare, and actually found it to be rather relieving that it was just a dream. There are a few spelling mistakes here, that you may be able to pick out if you read this out loud. One tip that I think I can give you... Try to make a separate paragraph each time you incorporate dialogue into your story. This will help make it a little more appealing for the reader. I am a little confused to why an eleven year old would be having such vivid dreams, and why she's going on a date. Maybe it would be better if you made her a sixteen year old instead. I think if you fixed up the spelling mistakes, and the other things I mentioned, this could be a great, suspenseful, story. Keep writing!


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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is short and sweet! You did a great job providing the readers with descriptive words, and metaphors, to describe depression. My favorite part, is when you compared a stormy night to the feelings you have inside... But you used better words than me, of course. I understand that it is possible that you may just be writing this for other reasons, but if this poems reflects your actual emotions, smile! You wrote a great poem! Keep it up. There is lot's of comfort waiting to be released upon you on this website!


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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Momentum  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I like the style you used while writing this, and found the rhyme scheme and flow to move along nicely. You had a strong beginning and ending to this poem. It is great, to be someone that wants to inspire others, keep up that momentum! Keep on writing! Great job!


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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Early Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
These were two great poems. They were simple and to the point! I didn't notice any spelling mistake, and you chose a good selection of words to help the readers get a thorough visualization of how you felt, during these tough times. I liked the second poem the most. In the Bible, there is a warning, "Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing". This is what I thought of when reading this poem. I really is hard to tell if a person is black or white, these days. Great job, and keep writing!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of I am  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great poem! I have no complaints. I like each of the items that you chose to compare yourself to, and I liked how you chose items that would be better to you. To me, when reading this, I imagined a shy person. A person that doesn't say much or let loose until they get to know somebody. It feels like myself, when I enter a building filled with people that I don't know, as I sit on a bench by myself. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this poem. The title, "Single Seated Motorcycle", is a great metaphor to describe loneliness. To be driving on a road, alone, but to keep on traveling it. It seems to similar to some of my own experiences. Regardless of how I felt, I would keep going nowhere, in that same direction. When I read this, I imagined it being sung by Johnny Cash... I guess it seemed similar to his style. This was a great song! Keep writing!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Not Mad  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought this was a great poem. I like how you have an opposite to each subject. At the same time, I feel like I can relate to this poem. There is one line, that I think you could make a little better, "Yet I walk like a snail". I think this line would be better if you came up with a different verb to describe walking slowly, like, "Yet I sneak". Great job with this poem! I hope to see you name again someday as I am reading!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of My Fighting Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a great song. There are a few spelling mistakes that you can easily pick out by reading it through again. One spelling mistake that I noticed popped up quite a bit is Shinning.. It should be shining. Also, I think it could be better if you changed the word, guider, to guide. Other than that, this was fun to read. You did a good job explaining how much this boy means to you. Great job!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello!


My name is Murc and this is a WDC Power Review!


*Please feel free to ignore any comments I make, I am merely being honest.*



My Thoughts:
This is a very deep journal entry. I can relate with this. At first when you said stop smoking, I had a completely different view on what you were talking about. All I am going to say is, I know how you feel.

My Favorite Part:
I liked your fifth paragraph. Basically we make up excuses to keep ourselves from making important decisions. It's tough, trying to make a lifestyle change.

Errors or Typos:
"from time to tim.." 'from time to time..'

"in myself that i" 'in myself that, I'

'I got this" mindset maybe' 'I got this" mindset, maybe'

"inadaquicies" 'inadequacies'

How I think it could be better:
This line reminded me of a Steven Hyde quote from That 70's show:

"like belief in the gap creates the gap kind of mind set". You lost me for a moment on this line. I think I've written a few lines like this myself before, but to purposely throw off the reader. Maybe you could rewrite this, to give us a better understanding of what you are trying to say.

Overall Opinion:
I enjoyed reading your journal entry. I wish you luck, with reaching goals that you've planned out in the entry. Keep writing!

I hope this review has been helpful for you and that you have a great day!



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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Natasha  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have a lot of skill in story telling. This had a good start, drawing the readers closer to the characters, then a sudden twist, making it all the more intriguing. There were a few errors that I noticed as I was reading through this. I think you could easily fix them if you tried reading this out loud. Also, you should write out numbers, three, and you should write out 'and' instead of placing a character. This could be a great story. Good job! Keep it up!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a good lesson for people to read about. A person that thinks they are the best, and takes no one else into consideration.. I feel like I know a couple people like that. I didn't notice any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, but I think it could be better if you tried to create a little more of story out of this. Try to make it something where we can feel what the characters go through a little more. That would make people get more out of this, I think. Great story. Keep writing!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of What Happened?  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading this. I feel like your really did your homework before writing this article. The 'hook' that caught my attention the most, is your choice of words throughout the entire article/poem. I felt like it was a learning experience, being able to read it. I liked how you have a little bit of alliteration going on in the first stanza. I enjoy alliteration, and that also pulled me further into reading this. I noticed one error, a minor error... The word, "Barron", I believe should be typed as "Baron". Through dictionary.com, I learned that barron is a magazine editor, as Baron is a member of the lowest grade of nobility. I am glad that I was able to read this, and hope that many others will get the chance as well!

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great story. You did a great job using the "every action has a reaction" rule. I wasn't able to notice any grammar problems or typos, and I thoroughly enjoyed your use of words and description. I was able to see everything that was happening, as well as feel for the characters. I kind of figured it was going to end that way, as I read the paragraph before the last line, but at the same time, I feel like it was a very suitable ending for the genre. I enjoyed this story, well done!.

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#1718637 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great poem. You chose great words to rhyme with most of the time. I really liked the plot of this poem. I thought that it flowed nicely. Great job, I am happy that I came across this poem! I hope that others will have the chance to read this as well.
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Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good article and I am glad that I read it. You did a good job showing the audience what Jesus went through. At the same time, you tell the audience that they can be forgiven for sins that they have committed. I think you should go through and fix any spelling or grammar mistakes that you may notice during a proof-read.

There were spots where you should have written "were" instead of "where". This is when you were writing about his hands.

You should make sure to capitalize "I'm".

There are a few areas like that, but mostly small things that can easily be fixed.

Great job writing this. Keep it up!
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Review of Baptism of Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked your poem. The plot is something that all Christian's should at one time try to write about, for public viewing. You chose a good variety of words to help people understand how God forgives. I think that you seem to try hard to have a rhyme within each line. I don't think this is necessary for this poem, since you have good descriptive words already. In a way, the rhymes partially throw me off. That was my only problem with it though, great job!
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Review of Mother's Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a good 55 word story. I imagine it would be quite difficult giving a child away for adoption.. but I guess it has to be done sometimes. I know that, with the word limit, it is hard to make correct sentences, but some of them are incomplete. Either way, this is a good story, with a beginning and an end. Good job!
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Review of Stiks on the Web  Open in new Window.
Review by Murc Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is an interesting little piece of prose. It is very simple. Did you mean to misspell stick? Also I think that hard drive is two words. I think it could be a cool little story; A story of a stick figure and the troubles that it encounters in the world! Aside from that, it seems like this poem is about how surfing games on the internet can cause you to gain virus' which is very true. It is a good message. Is this Stick Figure perhaps a rag doll?
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