Hello Ken, Congratulation on your win. When you intentionally use a cliche do not apoligize for doing so. Sometimes, as here, it is well used. A dear friend, Larry Powers, used to be one of WDC's wonderful poets. He once wrote a newsletter about avoiding cliches in poetry. In this newsletter he included a list of offen used cliches. I rearranged his list and turned it into a poem, which I then sent him. He agreed sometimes the cliches actually work.
This poem is in my port, Titled --I'm not Afraid to Embrace the Cliche
Congratulations on winning The Daily Flash Challenge. Anyone who has worked with children and adults with special needs can relate to what these parents are feeling. It is amazing what can be accomplished with love and determination.
This piece deserves its win and all the stars it can get.
Well done! It's not easy to tell a story in so few words but to also do it with only dialogue is a true accomplishment. I would be surprised if you won, but I'm not a judge here and yours is only the first entry. Good luck.
I have never truly enjoyed being in crowded places, especially like the one discribed here. I sometimes experience senory over-load when there is to much activity going on around me. That's when I escape to the bathroom to be alone for a while.
I liked your poem. Is it a 'form' poem, with a syllable/word count to creat the shape or just free form?
Hello Jaya, This is a powerful poem because it carries feeling that everyone on the planet has had at some time. We've all have our Iagos. ( I loved that line -- Iago-like smile.
Keep writing, I'll beback to read some more of your work.
Hello Ken, I loved this story. For some strange reason, as I read the first couple paragraphs, I was thinking 'alien pigeon', but I like your ending much more.
How did this do in the contest? The other entries would have to be awfully good to beat this.
What a beautiful job you've done here! I put this cookbook into my favorites. You might consider taking all you have here and and getting it published. Cookbooks seem to be big sellers.
Hello Willow, I don't know what that was but it was no possum. I have seen possums (one nose to nose, much to my mother's horror) and I've never seen a pink one. They're not very fast and really do play dead, quite convincingly, when scared.
You might want to expand this piece into a longer story. It has a lot of possibilities. I'll be back to read some more.
What fun! A Vampire Murder Mystery! You've got me hooked, let me know when you post the next chapter. You've got to keep this going I can't wait to see where you go with this. It has so many possible directions.
Hello Julian, Thanks for the chuckle. I was a bit puzzled until I got to the last verse. Its a good poem and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
I have 1 suggestion. The last line of the third verse seems over long. I suggest shortening it just a bit.
Without conscience I invade their homes and kill them all.
I have only one tiny suggestion. You should change 'toads' to 'frogs'. Toads tend to stay on dry ground. It's frogs in the ponds and on those lilypads. Some people might not notice the difference but I grew up in the country. Either way this is a nice poem.
Hello Sammie-chan, This is an interesting poem. I enjoyed reading it, as the story-teller in me prefers poems that tell stories. I have a few editing suggestions.
1. Remove (Demon) form the title. It gives to much away. You make all clear in your poem.
2. His long raven hair veils his face, (It is wise to remove all needed words.)
3. His skin is as pale as my white cotton sheets
4. He is a shadow, a nightmare,
5. He make meI want to scream
Keep writing. I'll be back to read some more of your work.
Hello David, I love this. II like the way you used the dialogue, but you need to fix the punctuation. The rules for punctuating dialogue in poems is the same as in prose. For example, lines 1 & 2 should be.
“The monsters are coming. The monsters are coming,” said the little boy who hid beneath the sheet.
“Not so, not so,” said the boys mother as she tried to tickle his feet.
Hello Hyperiongate, Congratulations on the win. You're quite good at writing Flash Fiction. It's can be fun trying to get a whole story done in only 300 words. You developed an interesting character who loves the game so much he'll do anything to be a part of it. I loved it and wouldn't change a word.
I have one in a similar theme that you might like. "Invalid Item"
Keep writing,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello Red Writing Hood, This is amazing. I see from the date this was created you have been working a long time to compile all this information. Well done and thank you.
I've put this into my favorites to make it easier to find when I need help with my poetry and so I'll know when you add to it.
Hello Sweetheart, Flash poetry! It's about time. I love flash fiction and it only follows that there should be flash poetry. I've been reading some of the entries. Your contest has inspired some great little poems. I hope it runs for a long time.
Hello silverlinings, This is an amazing poem. I like it. It has an almost musical tempo. The story it tells is sweet.
I have just a couple suggestions. Remember they're just that, suggestions, no more. These were things I noticed while reading your poem out loud.
1. squeak, jolt, closed--finally closed. You don't need the first 'closed'.
2. Some while down the road... Do you mean 'Some where' ?
3. As snow falls, night does.
You & I sleep--finally close eyes.
We finally sleep--close eyes.
Here I would suggest:
As snow fall, night does.
Finally closing our eyes,
We sleep.
Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hello Diane, I enjoy several of the contests here at WDC for many reasons. They're a great source of inspiration and wonderful places to go when looking for something to read and review. I've also found participating in contests to be a great way to meet terrific people.
Advice to those disappointed by the feedback their getting. 1. Reply to every review. 2.thank the review; don't argue or dipute their suggestion. 3. Return the favor -- review something in their port. 4. Don't be shy -- plug your work, ask for reviews.
The folks I've met here are wonderfully talented people.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
DMACK
Hello Gluehead, How could you? I'm reading your story. I'm really into it and BANG it's over.
Actually,your story is well written. It pulls the reader in from the first sentence. The reader is compeled to feel sorry for Harvey. I think under the circumstances you set up, you couldn't end it any other way.
I look forward to reading more of your work. PPlease visit my port when you get a chance.
Hello Seeker, I love haiku, both reading and writing them. The poem is very nice, but the normal pattern for haiku is 5-7-5. Now that you have what you want to say you need to work on your wording to get your syllable count right.
Example:
Fingers on keyboard
Words slowly appear on screen
At last I am free
I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. Please visit my port when you get a chance.
Hello AcerT, Even though it is sad, I enjoyed reading this poem. It reads like something written by someone whose loved one has died. Is this written from experience or is it fiction? Either way it is a lovely poem.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mdmackey
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 11:03am on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Hello Ken, I loved this story. For some strange reason, as I read the first couple paragraphs, I was thinking 'alien pigeon', but I like your ending much more. 
Hello Willow, I don't know what that was but it was no possum. I have seen possums (one nose to nose, much to my mother's horror) and I've never seen a pink one. They're not very fast and really do play dead, quite convincingly, when scared. 
