I like the use you have made of the rhyming and the picture you have "painted" with your words. It is a very well done piece and I hope you continue writing.
Oh how I understand the feelings in this story! Who hasn't had that kind of realtionship sometime in their life? The kind that just wraps you up and makes you blind to EVERYTHING that happens around you. There were 1-2 spelling errors but overall, the piece grabbed me and held my attention to the end. I think you did a wonderful job here. Keep up the wonderful work!
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