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29 Public Reviews Given
75 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of I, Katrina  Open in new Window.
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Overview of Reviewing Process


First of all, let me start by saying it is very courageous of you to take the leap and start publishing your work for people to see and review. While this can be nerve-racking but it is a necessary step if you are serious about improving your craft-skills.

The following review is based on my experience from reading and reviewing poems in several University poetry classes, my knowledge of poetry that has come through reading hundreds (if not thousands) of professional and amateur poems, and my opinion/feelings.

I will rate your poem on ten items, and your overall star rating will be the average of the ratings given.

Please feel free to respond to this rating, ignore it, or only take the parts you wish and leave the rest. I will give you an honest review based on my experience and opinion. If you cannot handle it you may want to reconsider posting works for others to view.

Cheers,
MattyZink

Meter/Rhyme/Rhythm


Very few people nowadays believe that verse must have a perfectly regular meter; however, it is still an important aspect of poetry. Even free verse makes use of rhythm to convey or strengthen meaning

The last stanza of the poem comes close to holding together a rhyme pattern, and so does a couple of the other stanzas, but overall it doesn't hold to a rhythm.

Rating: 2/5

Layout and line breaks


Line breaks and verse structure don't automatically make something a poem. The breaks work together with punctuation to show the reader how the poem is to be read. Reading out loud is important to find the natural pauses, and the places where you need to guide the reader.

Your poem does this well. It's easy to see how you intended it to be read, well done.

Rating: 5/5

Form and Structure


The form and content of your poem should complement each other.

I can't help but feel that the format doesn't fit the poem for some reason. Perhaps it's because of the rhymes at the end which doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. I would recommend eliminating the rhymes, or altering it to fit into some structure.

Rating: 3/5

Title


Your title should should add something to the piece, as well as drawing the reader in. Remember, your title is the first thing a reader sees, and they will only take a second to consider reader your poem or skipping it.

Your title is mediocre, and adds nothing to the poem. Don't feel bound to use a phrase from the poem as the title.

Rating: 3/5

Sound


I always suggest reading your poem out loud. Remember, poetry was meant to be read out loud, not read in a quiet room by yourself.

Your poem reads well out loud. It is a little awkward at times do some of your word choices, but overall it's good.

Rating: 4/5

Subject


It's easy to forget that poetry is art, not a diary entry, nor journalism. If the poem deal with one of the 'big' subjects like love or peace it must show a new perspective on the issue.

Your poem does not fall into any of the previous mentioned pitfalls. The subject is original and well written.

Rating: 5/5

Internally consistent images


Metaphors and similes are a poet's tools, but they need to have some kind of internal logic. Consider 'the train disappeared into the tunnel like a mouse into its hole'. It's true that the tunnel entrance might be like a mouse hole, but can the train be like a mouse? It isn't shaped like a mouse, nor does it move like one.

"a dog's last woof." is the only line that seems out of place and doesn't fit in with the imagery you've set up in the rest of the poem.

Rating: 4.5/5

Appropriate vocabulary/Clichés


Always avoid clichés, they do nothing but hurt your poem.

There are no cliches in this poem, and besides the previously mentioned "woof" your vocabulary is appropriate to the subject matter.

Rating: 4.5/5

Superfluous adjectives and adverbs


Often images come across more effectively if the reader has to work a bit: don't use a list of adjectives where one judiciously chosen one will work as well. Each adjective tends to weaken the noun; each adverb weakens the verb.

Your poem does not over-do it in terms of description, something hard to find in amateur poetry.

Rating: 5/5

Showing vs. telling


If you say 'I was happy' I have to take your word for it. If, instead, you tell me the symptoms of your happiness -- how you saw the world around you, how your body felt etc -- I can deduce your happiness for myself and empathize with it.

You spend a lot of time showing, and very little time telling. Well done!

Rating: 5/5

Final Thoughts


This is a very interesting read from start to finish. Besides some structure issues I mentioned it's an excellent piece of work.

Final Rating: 4.2/5
2
2
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Overview of Reviewing Process


First of all, let me start by saying it is very courageous of you to take the leap and start publishing your work for people to see and review. While this can be nerve-racking but it is a necessary step if you are serious about improving your craft-skills.

The following review is based on my experience from reading and reviewing poems in several University poetry classes, my knowledge of poetry that has come through reading hundreds (if not thousands) of professional and amateur poems, and my opinion/feelings.

I will rate your poem on ten items, and your overall star rating will be the average of the ratings given.

Please feel free to respond to this rating, ignore it, or only take the parts you wish and leave the rest. I will give you an honest review based on my experience and opinion. If you cannot handle it you may want to reconsider posting works for others to view.

Cheers,
MattyZink

Meter/Rhyme/Rhythm


A rhyming poem can often be difficult to write as it can force people to use awkward phrasing or archaic language to get the target rhyme word . You do none of the previous mentioned. The rhyme is good, but does feel a little forced at times.

Rating: 4.5/5

Layout and line breaks


Line breaks and verse structure don't automatically make something a poem. The breaks work together with punctuation to show the reader how the poem is to be read. Reading out loud is important to find the natural pauses, and the places where you need to guide the reader.

Your poem reads well out loud, it's easy to follow the way you intended it to be read. This is something which is rarely found in amateur poetry. Well done.

Rating: 5/5

Form and Structure


The form and content of your poem should complement each other.

Yours does. The form is perfectly formatted to the topic matter you're writing about.

Rating: 5/5

Title


Your title should should add something to the piece, as well as drawing the reader in. Remember, your title is the first thing a reader sees, and they will only take a second to consider reader your poem or skipping it.

While your title draws in the politically minded (your target audience) like myself, it may actually put off some casual readers.

Rating: 4.5/5

Sound


I always suggest reading your poem out loud. Remember, poetry was meant to be read out loud, not read in a quiet room by yourself.

Your poem reads well, it has the characteristics of a song, something again which is rarely found in amateur poetry.

Rating: 5/5

Subject


It's easy to forget that poetry is art, not a diary entry, nor journalism. If the poem deal with one of the 'big' subjects like love or peace it must show a new perspective on the issue.

Your poem borderlines on journalism, but breaks beyond that to the point of art which poetry necessitates.

Rating: 5/5

Internally consistent images


Metaphors and similes are a poet's tools, but they need to have some kind of internal logic. Consider 'the train disappeared into the tunnel like a mouse into its hole'. It's true that the tunnel entrance might be like a mouse hole, but can the train be like a mouse? It isn't shaped like a mouse, nor does it move like one.

Your images are consistent and poignant. A reader not used to reading some heavy political poetry may be shocked by some of the bold statements you made. Well done, good poetry should shock the reader.

Rating: 5/5

Appropriate vocabulary/Clichés


Always avoid clichés, they do nothing but hurt your poem.

There are none in this poem. Your vocabulary is highly appropriate to the subject matter you presented.

Rating: 5/5

Superfluous adjectives and adverbs


Often images come across more effectively if the reader has to work a bit: don't use a list of adjectives where one judiciously chosen one will work as well. Each adjective tends to weaken the noun; each adverb weakens the verb.

Your short bursts style of writing is excellent, it doesn't overdue descriptions.

Rating: 5/5

Showing vs. telling


If you say 'I was happy' I have to take your word for it. If, instead, you tell me the symptoms of your happiness -- how you saw the world around you, how your body felt etc -- I can deduce your happiness for myself and empathize with it.

You show, you don't tell. Well done. I am able to understand the point you were trying to make without difficulty.

Rating: 5/5

Final Thoughts


Overall an excellent poem, one of the best I've seen on this site. Too often people write about 'fluff' subjects such as love, and do nothing important with their work. You, however, reach far beyond this. I can only hope your poem shocks a reader enough to make them change their perspective on the world.

Cheers,
Matty

Final Rating: 4.9/5
3
3
Review of Come With Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overview of Reviewing Process


First of all, let me start by saying it is very courageous of you to take the leap and start publishing your work for people to see and review. While this can be nerve-racking, it is a necessary step if you are serious about improving your craft-skills.

The following review is based on my experience from reading and reviewing poems in several University poetry classes, my knowledge of poetry that has come through reading hundreds (if not thousands) of professional and amateur poems, and my opinion/feelings.

I will rate your poem on ten items, and your overall star rating will be the average of the ratings given.

Please feel free to respond to this rating, ignore it, or only take the parts you wish and leave the rest. I will give you an honest review based on my experience and opinion. If you cannot handle it you may want to reconsider posting works for others to view.

Cheers,
MattyZink

Meter/Rhyme/Rhythm


Without a noticeable meter or rhyme, your poem should rely on an internal rhythm to hold it together. The first part of your poem does this well with the endings of each stanza being two syllables and act as a good close for each sections (And mine, And song, Ah Yes).

However, this does not hold for the second or third part of the poem when the rhythm alternates.

Remember, even free verse makes use of rhythm to convey or strengthen meaning, this could drastically improve your poems impact.

Rating: 3/5

Layout and line breaks


The breaks work together with punctuation to show the reader how the poem is to be read. Despite a popular belief to the contrary, poetry is meant to be spoken, not read.

There are several places where the poem could make good use of punctuation to guide a reader in how the poem should sound (especially the first stanza which contains only 1 comma.)

Rating: 3/5

Form and Structure


I couldn't see this poem being anything but the form you chose. Well done.

Rating:5/5

Title


Your title should add something to the piece, as well as intriguing a reader enough to continue. Your title "Come with Me" does add a little to the piece, and is a little intriguing.

Rating: 4/5

Sound


Again, poetry is meant to be read aloud, not read. Read your own poem aloud and see how it sounds to your ears. If its awkward for you, or you have to try and cram too many words into one breath, you need to work on the sound.

Your poem is somewhat awkward for me to read aloud, especially regarding my previous comments in the line breaks and punctuation category.

Rating: 2/5

Subject


It's easy to forget that poetry is art, not a diary entry, nor journalism.

Your poem doesn't fall into any of these traps. It deals with your subject in a very creative and new way. Well done here.

Rating: 5/5

Internally consistent images


The images you create are well suited to your subject matter. There are no images which strike me as out of place for this piece.

However, some of your images are almost too much, sometimes simplicity can be better and lines like "A swirling blue portal living our wanderlust souls toward an Eden above" can be too heavy.

Rating: 4/5

Appropriate vocabulary/Clichés


Your vocabulary is very appropriate and there are no clichés. Well done.

Rating: 5/5

Superfluous adjectives and adverbs


Often the image comes across more effectively if the reader has to work a bit: don't use a list of adjectives where one judiciously chosen one will work as well. Each adjective tends to weaken the noun; each adverb weakens the verb.

As I mentioned earlier, your images are almost too well described. Simple is often better.

Rating: 4/5

Showing vs. telling


If you say 'I was happy' I have to take your word for it. If, instead, tell me the symptoms of your happiness -- how you saw the world around you, how your body felt etc -- I can deduce your happiness for myself and empathize with it.

You do this well in this poem, even though it doesn't deal directly with emotions I get a sense through it of the narrators thoughts and feelings while calling "come with me".

Rating: 4/5

Final Thoughts


This is an excellent piece and there is not too much you've done wrong here. I would only recommend to keep writing, and take some of my advice about punctuation and sound.

I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Final Rating: 3.9/5
4
4
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you very much for sharing.

It's hard to find brutal honesty on the internet, and for some people it's even harder to read it.

I find writing very therapeutic, perhaps you can also by writing more about your experiences in a biographical or even through fiction.

Cheers,
Matty
5
5
Review of The Rain  Open in new Window.
for entry "The Rain Dance" Open in new Window.
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
A very short - short story.

While you have great description of the environment, you do not get into your character's enough. I have no idea who this person is, what they're doing, what they look like, or why there are doing what they're doing.

I have no idea what this story was supposed to be about, or more importantly, what it's purpose was.

Sorry but I cannot give this anything more than a 2.5.

With some editing and additions, it could make it's way up to a 3.5-4.0. I'd be interested in reading any revised copies you make.
6
6
Review of Discarded v3  Open in new Window.
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
One of the best poems I have read on this site.

I actually read it yesterday, and decided to let it "digest" for a bit before giving an honest review.

Visually the poem is very appealing, your use of non-traditional indentation (the wave or cat's tale look) instantly made me interested and I could tell I was in for a good read.

The narrator is someone readers can connect to, and the imagery is something that I'm sure many can as well (the smell of mothballs and grandparents are synonymous in my mind!)

I keep trying to think of some kind of criticism or suggestion to make this piece better, but I cannot. I give it a 5/5 (something rare for me and poetry).

Cheers,
Matty
7
7
Review by Matty Zink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very nice folky sounding song, right up my ally in terms of musical preference.

The lyrics generally flow nicely, except one line which sounds awkward "When I was nervous began my nails to chew"

And one line seems oddly out of place "‘Here goes nothing’ comediennes are cool"

Besides those two you have a very nice song here, simple, revealing, and almost warms my cold heart :)
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