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 Hi. Max here. Thanks for asking me to read your chapter. I enjoyed it and wanted to share with you some thoughts about it.
Item Reviewed: "The Living Fourth: Chapters 1 and 2"  by Inkly Ascension 
Reviewer: Max Griffin 🏳️🌈  
As always, these are just one person's opinions. Always remember Only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. I hope you find something here useful , and that you will discard the rest with good cheer.
Note--I've only read chapter one, although there are two chapters in this item. 
 What I liked best
There is much to love here. I already wrote to you in some detail about the many strengths I saw in this chapter, but let me quickly summarize here.
You start in media res, always a good thing. We meet your protagonist, Damanul, and from the very start he has a compelling set of goals, stakes, and obstacles. Indeed, the mystery of exactly who he is and why he's there promises to be a central feature of ensuing chapters. He's a sympathetic character, and one readers will cheer for. You have a detailed fictional world, presented naturally in the course of the action in the here-and-now of events. And you have an awesome hook to end the chapter that ramps up tension and promises connection with the basic mystery of who Damanul is and how he came to be where he's at. So, from the standpoint of structure, characterization, world-building, and plot, this is a terrific first chapter.
Style and Voice
This is not where I usually start reviews, but here goes.
Roughly 30% of fiction today uses a first person narrator. The overwhelming majority of the remainder uses third person limited. Mostly, we are in Damanul's point of view in this chapter, but the opening paragraphs are largely in third person omniscient. In third person omnscient, the author is outside the story, looking in. The author knows the thoughts and feelings of all the characters, knows what's going to happen, and isn't backward about telling us.
Much great literature has used third person limited, but it's all but disappeared from fiction today. The reason is that third person limited provides with a more intimate and engaging window to the fictional world. We want the reader inside the story, collaborating with the author in imagining the fictional world. This almost always means putting the reader inside a character's head. For a discussion, see "Just One Point of View" .
So, my biggest suggestion for this chapter is look for and purge the omniscient narration and put us deeply inside Damanul's head from the first line. Mostly, this just means revising the couple of pages since eventually we are deeply in his head without head-hops to Yearlitt or omniscient narration. In the line-by-line remarks below, I'll point out some of the spots that I think need tweaked.
Note that a novel can have more than one point-of-view character. The general rule of thumb is one point of view per scene, but you can shift POV when you shift scenes. However, readers are fragile critters, and too many POV characters can be confusing. Most romance novels have only two POV characters, the romantic leads. SciFi and fantasy tend to have more than two, sometimes many more. Often, though, there is a small number of "anchor" characters that keep returning.
Ok, enough on "voice."
Opening
Openings are critical in any work of fiction. Some editors and agents will decide whether or not to read your submission based only on your first sentence.
The best thing about your opening is that it introduces the fundamental mystery of the chapter (and, probably, the novel) right away. It starts with in media res, with action, as the boy flees from the cave. It orients the readers in space and time. It also reveals that the boy is injured and that he's fleeing captivitiy. These are all great things.
But...it's that omniscient narrator, standing outside the story, looking in, telling us stuff.
If this were a screenplay, this would be awesome guidance for the director's opening shots. But it's not a screenplay, it's a novel. In a novel, we don't have actors, music, the mise en scene, or, most importantly, the eye of the camera. All we've got are words in a row and the readers' imaginations.
However helpful it might be to an author to imagine a movie playing in their heads--and it IS helpful--it's not helpful to readers starting a story. Instead of imagining a movie, try imaging *being* Damanul in that cave, hurting and fearful. Put the readers in his head, revealing what he's feeling, thinking, and doing through his thoughts, deeds, and senses. But keep centered on him.
I'm going to be super-picky and focus on your first two sentences:
The wrong blood was shed that night. The boy who should never have lived so long found his way out of the cave, sobbing and alone, his mind scoured of past and self.
These are all about the omniscient narrator telling the reader stuff. The first sentence, in particular, does this, but so does the second. It tells us the "should never have lived so long" and that his mind is "scoured." Even the last sentence of the first paragraph, where he's weeping at the searing pain across his mouth, is the narrator telling us stuff instead of Damanul experiencing it.
I know I'm being super picky here, but first paragraphs are important. They are also notoriously among the most difficult and challenging parts of any piece of fiction to write.
My advice is to start with the essential information you want the reader to know, including what they MUST know to understand events in the here-and-now. This includes what Damanul does and does not know. Does he know the deer and wolves watch him? How does he know it? Does it matter? If it doesn't matter, leave it out.
Does he know his mind is "scoured?" Certainly, he must realize it when he doesn't know his name later, but does he know that as he stumbles out of the cave?
Once you know what information is essential to understand the here-and-now and to foreshadow what's to come, then put yourself in Damanul's head in that cave. He's in pain. He's fearful--or maybe not, but he's fleeing for sure. Show him in pain. Show the dank interior of the cave, moonlight glimmering off the craggy walls. Is he barefoot? Maybe the muck at the bottom of the cave slithers about his toes. Give him sensations that only he can feel, which will put readers in his head. That's where you want them to be, from the very start.
Remember, though, in third person limited, you are limited to what he knows. That's the whole point of the "limited" part. So, if his mind is scoured, he can't reasonably know the "wrong blood" was shed, or that should "never have lived so long." What he can feel is fear, maybe even urgency, as he stumbles in the moonshadowed darkness. The trick is showing those emotions in his thoughts and, especially, in his deeds.
I know...that's a LOT of comments on the first seventy or so words of the chapter, but those first words are crucial in drawing the readers into Damanul's head, into the fictional world, and, thus, into the story. The more you fine-tune the opening to those goals, the better.
Plot
The chapter does an awesome job with the basic mystery of Damanul's origin and identity.
Hook
The most compelling hooks are disaster, dilemma, and decision. Ending with a goal, conflict, or reaction is weaker but can be effective, depending on the situation.
The disaster hook is almost always the most compelling, and you've got that here. Readers will also connect this with Damanul's arrival on the scene, and hence to the mystery that's central to the chapter. That makes your hook truly awesome.
Referencing
You do a great job sneaking in details about your fictional world--both the cultural and physical aspects. These are all given in a natural way, on an as-needed basis to understand action in the here-and-now. No dreaded info-dumps here! Good job.
Scene/Setting
Enough for staging--I could tell where the characters were in relation with each other. But at some of the scene jumps, I could have used a bit more orientation in terms of place. For example, we jump from the opening three paragraphs where Damanul is fleeing to a new location, in Yearlitt's cabin. You mark the scene break with an extra line of space, but launch with a disembodied voice speaking.
In a new scene, it's helpful to reinforce POV since scene breaks sometimes trigger a new POV, so I'd start with Damanul sensing something. Maybe he warms his palms on his bowl of stew, or inhales its aromas. You could have him cast a wary glance at the man sitting nearby, perched on a stool and holding his own cup in well-worn hands (a nice bit of description that also reveals something about the man). Orienting the reader in, first, POV, then in time and place, and finally in the cast of characters present are important things to keep in mind at scene changes.
Characters
Kurt Vonnegut tells us that every character should want something, even if it's just a glass of water.
Goals animate characters. Bad things happen if they fail to achieve their goals--these are the stakes. They face obstacles, since otherwise there's no story. Conflict arises between goals and obstacles. The outcome of the conflict matters because of the stakes. This gives rise to tension, the engine that drives plot and story.
Damanul's goals are to find his lost identity, to find himself. The stakes could scarcely be higher (although you find a way to raise them by the end of the chapter!), and the obstacles are great, as his injuries attest. He's also determined, brave, and inquisitive, so he's a character readers will want to cheer for.
We know less of Yearlitt's goals, stakes, or obstacles, but we have some tantalizing hints. It suffices for now that he's done a good deed--rescuing Damanul--and is prepared to care for him even if they never find his parents. What role he will play in Damanul's hero's journey remains to be seen, but he's a promising character in any case.
Grammar
I don't read for grammar, but usually find something to whine about. Not here. This is clean copy. Good job on that.
Just my personal opinion
To recap, one way to think of telling a story is that it is a guided dream in which the author leads the readers through the events. In doing this, the author needs to engage the readers as active participants in the story, so that they become the author's partner in imagining the story. Elements of craft that engage the readers and immerse them in the story enhance this fictive dream. On the other hand, authors should avoid things that interrupt the dream and pull readers out of the story.
The most important elements of good story-telling are evident in this chapter. We've got the start of the classic hero's journey, with a fundamental mystery driving things. We got two credible characters to cheer for, a detailed fictional world, good tension, and an awesome hook. Everything else is nibbling at the edges, to refine details like POV and enhance the fictional dream playing in the readers' heads.
I know I've said a LOT in this review, but that's because I liked this chapter so much. It was WORTH spending time on. You have created a compelling set of characters in a believable world. You have talent. Raw talent, to be sure, but copious talent. Keep writing and growing as an author, and you'll have a great future.
Line-by-line remarks
 Your text is in BLUE.
My comments are in GREEN.
If I suggest a re-wording, it's in GRAPE.
I fear more nitpicks follow...along with apologies...
 For he did not die that dawn, but was found. My Comment: Omniscient narrator telling us what happened. Also, note the passive voice. This puts the readers in a passive, receptive mode. Instead, you want them to be actively imaging events in the here-and-now of the fictional world. Someone found him--so show it happening from the boy's POV.
A very same bowl sat in the boy's hands. He tried to eat it, but it needed time to cool. Even the steam hurt his face. He sat far from the fire blazing in the hearth to his left.My Comment: I'd consider moving this to first line of the new scene. It starts with the boy sensing, which establishes POV, and sets the scene with the fire blazing.
“I don't know my name, sir.”My Comment: Here, I'd expect him to experience surprise and maybe fear at this realization. In the opening few paragraphs, he's going to be focused on escape. I don't walk around thinking "Max did this…" or otherwise referencing my name. (Well, my real name. Max is my author name.) Anyway, he might not realize he doesn't know his name until Yearlitt asks, at which point he'd react, right?
Blue eyes regarded the boy. My Comment: Editors sometimes have foibles. One of my editors always says things like "eyes can't regard the boy, people do." She'd want me to change this to "The man regarded the boy with solemn blue eyes" or something to that effect. Nothing really wrong with what you wrote, unless a reader/editor has a similar foible.
The man was kindly, with a bald head that gleamed in the orange light, and a brown beard that threatened to drink for itself some of his stew. Threadbare robes covered a body accustomed to both work and food.My Comment: The phrasing here suggests omniscient narrator rather the boy. If you said the man "seemed" kindly, or even "kindly enough," that bit of uncertainty makes it more likely that this is Damanul's conclusion rather than the narrator telling us stuff. Similarly, if the body "seemed accustomed" would to the same. However, an adjective for body (lean? Spare?) might also help to suggest that his appearance prompted this conclusion in Damanul.
Observing the man, the boy thought: no charging horse could knock this man down.My Comment: The editorial standard is to eschew "thought tags." If you are quoting an internal thought word-for-word, then the common practice is to use italics to denote the thought, with no "he thought" tag. However, often internal thoughts don't well up as articulated sentences but rather as conclusions, fragmentary realizaitons. This leads to something called free indirect discourse, which is beyond the scope of a review to discuss. See "Really Just One Point of View" if you're interested.
No sound but the crackling of fire and the eventual slurping of the boy at his stew disturbed the man's thoughts.My Comment: We've more or less been in Damanul's head to this point, but here we hop into Yearlitt's: the omniscient narrator tells us what his thoughts are--or, in this case, are not. If his face stayed impassive, we'd stay in Damanul's POV since he can see Yearlitt's face. He--and the reader--will conclude that he's undisturbed by the sounds.
“You were found shivering, muttering. I could not hear what you said, but it was deep in the morning when I found you. You were frightened.”My Comment: Here we've got a tiny time reversal, back to when he found Damanul. See my remark above about showing this as it happened, so that readers see the events in the order which they happened. Then they can recall this as he speaks.
Frightened, yes, the boy thought, and when I woke in this room, with darkness outside my window, I was frightened. Have I ever not been frightened?My Comment: Another time reversal. Why not start the scene with him waking up in the room, darkness outside, etc?
For the first time, Yearlitt of the Water House looked away. “If I was, you'd be older.”My Comment: This whole sequence--from where the boy says "mother…" on through to here and beyond, is really well-done. We've got the boy's internal thought as a reaction to the word "mother," followed by an enticing conclusion. Then comes the startling question, and the description of Yearlitt's reaction. What's important is what's NOT said, of course. This all hints at deeper depth to Yearlitt, at hidden aspects of the character, and it's done seamlessly in the boy's POV. Good job!!!
The boy nodded. Could the same be done of human skin? My Comment: A chilling thought for a seven-year-old…more excellent foreshadowing…
When he finally spoke, it was slowly. Carefully. My Comment: I'm tagging this as positive reinforcement--we're in Damanul's head, so these are things he can observe, and thus the conclusion--"carefully"--belongs to him. Thus, readers will take this as his observation, happening in the here-and-now, and his conclusion rather than an omniscient narrator standing outside the story telling the readers stuff. It's a subtle, but important, point. This is exactly the way third person limited is supposed to work.
The paper next to it had all the words, and to the boy they looked like nothing more than odd shapes and childish scribbling.My Comment: Does he recognize them as words? Or is this the narrator telling us stuff?
“I remember a forest. Many trees, and all of them reaching for me. Many tried to trip me as...as I ran….”My Comment: Another time reversal…great, subjective description of the trees, BTW. But I'd move this to the opening paragraphs and showing it as it happens rather than relegate to him re-telling it now. It would be more immediate and intimate as it happens rather than in narrated flashback.
Monsters beneath the currents…. “I'd like to be named Damanul, sir.”My Comment: Another thing tagged to reinforce good writing. Here is a perfect example of free indirect discourse. There's no "he thought" tag here, nor are italics needed. The way you wrote this, as a fragment, reveals that it's the boy's thoughts. That's exactly the way to do this kind of internal thought.
I only review things I like, and I really liked this story. I'm a professor by day, and find awarding grades the least satisfying part of my job.  Since I'm reviewing in part for my own edification, I decided long ago to give a rating of "4" to everything I review, thus avoiding the necessity of "grading" things on WDC. So please don't assign any weight to my "grade" -- but know that I selected this story for review because I liked it and thought I could learn from studying it.
Again, these are just one person's opinions. Only you know what is best for your story! The surest path to success is to keep writing and to be true to your muse!
Thanks again for sharing this item. Keep on writing!
Max Griffin 🏳️🌈
http://MaxGriffin.net/
http://MaxGriffin.net/blog/
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Adverbs.
I've marked one or more places in the line-by-line comments below where I think you might consider a more precise verb or a touch more description rather than an adverb.
