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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mastadonofdoom
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Review by Jwmante Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
The way you wrote about robotic parts in the opening paragraphs instantly grabbed my attention. The way they are made of different parts, etc.and how you had lost a piece (your father). I think this is a great analogy. The way you wrote about your father's passing ("attacked by his heart and lost", love that right there) was tender and naked. I could feel real sadness through your word choice. Being the "man" in the household is something I can attest to, I have been left home while my dad went away, and truly, it is a scary responsibility. You were honest about the way you felt when your father passed, and that takes heart, even on paper. In the end, revealing your current age, and how you have dealt with the bad feelings is a great ending point. The only thing I would shorten or remove is the second list of negative side-effects, (rage, impotence, etc.) I think shortening it would be better than the direct repetition. Lastly, your words about the seed are striking, and completely true. I really enjoyed this story, it has heart, and uses interesting analogies throughout.
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