Another great read right here. I like the part where they were surprised to find out they have already floated off from the dock. I sure felt the paralyzing shock the characters must have felt.
The story kind of reminds me of the wild Thornberry's. They also have two siblings fighting a lot.
The character of Clare was good. (I was only a bit distracted by the name Clare for a boy). :) He was this teenage boy who was annoyed by his younger sister, as teenage boys usually are. But he stepped up for his sister when he was most needed.
I only wish that there was more instances Kelly bugging Clare. You know, little things that Kelly does that ends up annoying Clare. just to perhaps establish their differences more.
Im your fellow Army of Writers member. :)
The build up of suspense was terrific. My favorite moment was when they were cleaning up the attic, she was grown up and her grandma left her alone.
Tight, short piece. The writing is well paced, doesn't stray from Cassy. Good job!
now there's a good story! great read.
aside from some lapses in language (regained his composer?), the story is great. i like the chemistry between the two characters. i like how their liking of each other was handled very subtly. everything was under the surface but you can feel their chemistry. it's almost like watching a film.
I like the how the tale opened. the first two stanza were well written. so much were told with a few words.
but with the succeeding stanzas, i found the lack of literariness. perhaps its the plainness of the language. or more precisely, its the lack of subtlety. i always look for subtlety in poetry, how complex human emotions are translated into words. the 8th stanza in particular sounded too 'bloggish.'
i grasped the compelling sentiment being communicated in the last two stanzas, only i feel that the writing didn't allow it to come out as compelling as it really is.
you've done well in establishing Cody and Bridget. From their backgrounds alone, i can tell the stage is set for some interesting development, good or bad.
my problem with this piece is that while the characters were well established, the piece ends with nothing happening at all. while this is fine if its merely a descriptive piece on people. the thing is its written in the brief summary below the title this is a story based on true facts. perhaps i was a bit misled by that.
but you have a good command of the language. keep writing. :)
i love the first stanza. the enjambment is masterful."Somebody's daughter, a ballerina / fell", the line break simulates the act of falling, and of falling suddenly without grace.
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