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Greetings, hbar  , this review is a part of your Marleigh Rose Raid package. I am reviewing: "Progression" 
A note to begin: I think it's important to say that these are my opinions and thoughts. Please take my comments with a grain of salt. If they work for you, then I'm happy to offer them; if they don't work for you, please ignore them! As always, thank you for sharing your work with readers like me!
 FIRST IMPRESSION: As a whole, I found this to be a poignant story of a young man's moment of clarity. It is fascinating to me reading your things because your writing is seems so different than mine. Maybe not in an obvious way, but (and my guess is that much of the difference is the fact that you are a man and I am a woman) you write this story, ending with the line, "He knew who and what he was.", yet you never once mention what is going through his head as he surfs.
Still, it is perfectly clear that he did reach the answers he needed. The fact of the matter is, you are able to weave a story around many elements while leaving the reader wondering and contemplating the thoughts behind his quest.
 PREMISE: As you know, this is not the first surfing piece I've read and reviewed of yours. I have never surfed, never seen someone surf in person and really only seen snippets on tv. I felt that this story, out of all the other's I've read, really brought home the absolute beauty of the experience. I don't know, but it seems that surfing may be one of the most pure acts - it is (or seems to me) a true pairing of man and nature. Without the harmony and perfection of both working together, a price is paid.
You do a remarkable job of explaining the art so that someone like me can really feel and imagine it, while not sounding like a textbook. Beautiful stuff.
 CHARACTERS: Well, I know where this character is coming from. Even if I didn't, I would believe that this boy was real; out there somewhere. I can almost feel the sand between my toes as I sit there watching him rough up the wax on his board (see above: I'd never have known that's what you do!). I can see the crease between his eyebrows as he pedals his way to the water or maybe see the tension between his shoulder blades. Without going overboard and pushing him on the reader, you've made him real.
 TECHNICAL/SUGGESTIONS: Not much here. I've been reading the paragraphs about the wave that he made an error on and something is catching me. Maybe I'm trying too hard to actually picture how it looked as he crashed around the wave. A suggestion would be to expand on the sentence: "His was too far into the peak and he was too straight on the take-off, and the take-off was too late." There are a lot of "too's" in there as well. I think it has the opportunity to be a bit more clear to those of us not in the know.
 FAVORITE PART: First, I thought the sum of all pieces in this story was beautiful. It leaves me wanting more of this boy's story. I really thought the symbiotic (not really the right word) relationship between the surfer and the ocean was powerful. As I said above, it's a pure and simple partnership, but the way you described it as he was battered by the wave was amazing. The water feels alive and congisent at a very perfect level - if both parties do the assigned job, rewards abound; if not, then consequences are reaped.
Also, as a mother of a son (even a young one), I can completely appreciate that final ride. It is daily that I see him get thrashed by something, only to turn around and do it again - with a bit of pride that the thrashing was survived.
 FINAL THOUGHTS: This leaves me in awe. When you surf is there really so much time for thought? It seems, and I suppose is, so complex it's hard to imagine how anyone can do it. A pleasure ... thank you.
~Write on!
Please stop by and check out my portfolio! Also, have a look around my new reviewing shop! | |  | Invalid Item
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