nice work. good pace, believeable characters. I wish I had more time to give you a better review. I gave you a 4.0 only because every piece can use improvement.
great idea, short to the point,nice, but I have a hard time caring about the character, and find I'm more interested in the process of the change. Is that what you wanted? Anyway keep it up.
This is a wonderful story, but for me it goes on to long. I'm no expert but you could probably find a way to cut a few words, and tighten it up alittle.
all of it is true, but I would be willing to bet recounting one of your lessons to her. Then one of her lessons to you would grab the readers attention more. keep up the good work.
great. I aways like a good vampire tale and this one is extremly well done. The goodness inherent in all children, vs the demon she could not have possibly over come on her own. The ending is perfect in that it again stays with the same good triumphing through using a traditional evil. a great read. I look forward to more of your work.
This is a great story, I had to read a few parts more than once to get all of it. You must have thought this through very well. some of that does not come through. It might work better, with some of the back ground you used to develop this story. It might just be me but I realy thick this might do better if you started before this epoch battle, so people could find out more about Usuna's motal life. Still I loved the story. Thanks it was a great read.
nice but how do her/his legs get damaged? Who is he? I would like to know them better. It would make it easier to care for them, or not. Nice work keep it up.
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