Nice piece! You have a gift for making feelings palpable in your writing, I could definately feel the emotions in this poem. I liked the "killing me, calling me, pulling me, following me" part, it really lended a desperate, intense feeling. The rhythym threw me a bit here and there, I wanted to say "I'm" rather than "I am" before "without one doubt" and "before its too late" rater than "before its far too late" - just a suggestion. I really enjoyed this poem overall, thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
I can definately get into the whole zombie genre, it's fun to think about and imagine, and the idea is interesting - I think there's alot of potential here. My trouble with this piece is that it lacks imagery and feeling. I really felt like I was reading a few sentences from a zombie survival guide rather than a poem.
Hey, this is a really great piece! I enjoyed the theme, imagery, and palpable feeling of this poem. "puppet, contender, master, subtle cocktail" all awsome pictures. I also enjoyed the ending with "seed of hope..." and the "shadowy figure..." leaving the reader on a cliff. You've got great talent, thanks for sharing it with everyone. Keep on writing!
You did a great job on this piece.Villanelle aren't as easy to construct as some may say and you've done wonderfully bringing palpable feeling and meaning into a very structured method. Maybe changing "Searching..." to "we search..." or "and search..." might help, the ING seems to be out of place. Thanks for sharing your talent with everyone, you've done well with this piece. I look forward to seeing the finished product you submit to class. Keep on writing!
You've got a real good piece here, I can feel the emotion you put into this. I had some difficulty w/the rhythym, maybe some editing with that in mind could be helpful to set the tempo of the poem. Thanks for sharing with us, you've got real talent. Keep on writing!
You did a great job of describing the power of heroin and addiction. I love the imagery you used, the love/hate relationship is described well, and the feeling is palpable. I was tripped up a couple times w/rhythym in 8th, 9th, 10th, and 26th lines. I really like how you ended the piece. Thanks for sharing!
Hey, you did a great job with this poem! Definately hit the nerve with addiction and all it entails, I can totally relate to this. I thought the use of phrases like "death's a'-comin" and "saps a' risin' " gave this a lot of life. Also, the struggle with self control is described wonderfully. Thanks for sharing!
Wow! You really crafted a beautiful piece here. I have no suggestions for improvement, sometimes things are best left as they are. I loved the imagery, rhythym, and theme of this poem. You have a true gift for writing, thanks for sharing it.
I like the message of this poem, too many people don't see the elderly as an important, potential resource in their lives. I see this a lot through personal/professional experience. Your poem speaks volumes. Thanks for sharing!
I really enjoyed your poem, it made me think about my own experiences growing up and becoming a person. I think the poem could be longer, including more description of the speaker's experiences and feelings - it felt like the poem ended to quickly. The use of questions helped to bring out some of the speaker's feelings of confusion and loneliness, and the age progression of the speaker through the poem touched on the major identity crises we all face. Write on!
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