This is actually a pretty good poem. It is short but has a shakespearian tragedy theme written all over it. I think this is awesome. thanks for sharing it.
I really like the poem I just feel like you actually need to expand upon it. If you add more scenarios and have an ending that doesn't just arrive it would be really great. I like the concept of fear and i like the line "is it those few mintes when you can't find your child, your stomach turns to knots." This is a great line. Thanks for the poem.
I really like this. I can't really knock the form as to me it seems a lot like a prayer without the amen at the end. I love the line "For I know you will only make me not break me." It is soo true cuz the bible does say he will not test you beyond what you bear. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for posting this. Often times it is hard to post and talk about something that was hurtful to you. I was always told that High school was the worst for teasing but in my experience little kids can be cruel and nasty to each other just as easily. It is all about upbringing and not succumbing to peer pressure. I like you positive attitude you have about yourself and I think you are an incredible human being. I thank you for sharing this wonderful piece.
This is a really interesting poem. The thing I like about poetry is that you can write about anything in any form with no restrictions. I love the lines "my innards spewing forth like froth from the fountain of Belle Isle Park". This sets up a really nice image for me and has profound impact. Thanks for sharing this poem.
This started out really great and was funny at times. I think the ending should have been different or found a way to make it longer to fit the ending. It just fell flat for me so that is why the four rating. I really liked the way he made it seem like he was having "intercourse" with a lot of people. This is a funny example of how communication can go very wrong. Thanks for posting this.
Wow This poem does a great job at showing grace. At first impression I couldn't fathom summoning grace up with just so few sentences but you seemed to have a good handle on it and really hit the main points of Grace. Could there be more? Absolutely, but I think you have the substance of Grace and anything else added would've just been filler. Thanks for a great poem and thanks for sharing.
This is an amazing poem. I really like the rhyme scheme and the message is powerful. I love the end where the person would rather die than be in the world. Truly a great piece thanks for sharing your gift.
This was very concise and to the point. No need to boggle people with mumble jumbo. It is nice to be able to just put in your name and type what you feel. Thanx
I loved the character development in this. To me it seemed like George was staying alive long enough to confess his sin of the past. The story was great it had a good plot and some good detail. Thank you for sharing it.
This is a great poem about not having any friends. I can see the terror of meeting someone in the bathroom and of how lonely the person is. I think this piece is excellent there is just a few minor issues with it. "I worry of the princesses apply their masks" this sentence should have who before apply or ing after apply, perhaps be reworded to past tense.
In general this piece tells a lot about the character and that is a major part of writing. Excellent piece thanx for sharing.
This is a great poem. I didn't give it a five because it really is choppy in some places. The message however supercedes all other minor flaws. I thought it was great to see how busy things keep us away from doing the things that should be done. I liked how the individual learned the lesson too late and it was almost comical how Jesus had said "I never found the time". It was funny but not when you think about the seriousness of it. Thank you for this great message.
I love this poem. I am from both Newfoundland, Maine, and live in New York and I can relate to this poem. I love your line "we work to rid ourselves of
the magnificent whiteness that is our prison."
This line shows how crippling a snow storm can be. This poem is excellent. Thank you for sharing it with us.
DntdKnight
This poem is a good poem with some emotion put into it. There are two minor issues that I have with this poem. "but there's nor reason for" doesn't seem to really make sense. I think there may be a better rhyme in there to improve on that line. The constant repetition at the end of every segment makes the poem seem robotic. Overall however your poem has some good emotional issues in there. This is the line I like best "I tried to get along with you. I tried so very hard, but you didn't even want me hangin' around your yard." That expression is unique for me and I thought it was a good final line to emphasize your point. Thanks for sharing your poem.
Being a Christian I can relate to this piece very well. My main problem with it is that you need to seperate conversations with paragraphs and when you go from one scene (talking to friend)to the pastor you need to seperate them by a paragraph. I think this story is great in talking about Christian things like feeling a calling to do for God or going to a friend and having them pray for you. Just put the paragraphs in there and your story becomes a greater story. Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece.
This is written very well. There are so many nuances that on the surface it appears one way but the reality of it is that it is the opposite. I didn't find much wrong with it and I thank for a superb piece of poetry.
I think this poem has an incredible message about spousal abuse and that is why I rated it so high. There a few things that could get fixed to make this an outstanding poem. First You use the term lost homes and broken bones too much. I think just in the first and last verse would be sufficient to get your message across. When they are thrown in there the poem and message get lost. Also you have verses of two lines, one line, two lines, four, two, four then two and this is a sign of inconsistencly and messes up with the poems smoothness. I really think a few fixes could increase this poem and its great message. I love the line "So when you see a woman who covers her face
don’t look away, don’t put her down just give her a hand full of grace." This is a great line. Thanks for sharing this poem.
This poem seems to escalate. It starts off not wanting to get up in the morning to being dead. I like the steps you took to achieve your message. This line "ever knowing that in the end, it's all the same.
Death will come to make his claim," is the best line in the poem. It simplifies death into something inevitable. There is no sugar coating and no wondering what is meant.
Very touching sentimental piece to your boyfriend. Sometimes when you need someone to be there for you it is good to actually have one. I think this piece is written straight from the heart so you don't have to worry about form or structure. I loved the line "When I say I am failing,You say getting worse so I can improve." I think this shows how he is willing to bring you up by putting himself lower. He is an excellent guy and you are a wonderful gal. Thanks for sharing this.
I thought this was one of the most interesting poems I have ever read. It really seems like some kind of introspection. I like the thought process shown here on writing a poem. It is excellently done there is just some minor grammatical errors hence the 4.5 rating. Excellent job otherwise.
I like the imagery this poem gives. The image of a person vomiting a poem, or screw a poem is an interesting concept. My favorite lines were "You were in it, beating against the words. I wove them around your arms. I want to hold you captive. And make you stay with me." This solidified for me the extent of the love this person had. I was not particularly fond of the stucture of the poem and it seemed like it had two titles "your poem", and "I'll immortalize you" this added a little confusion as to what your title was. In general your poem was fantastic with some good visuals and writing. Thanks for sharing it.
This is a poem with some good messages. I think the one flaw I see with it is the repetitiveness. Starting off the same way gets a little monotonous. However you have so many great lines like "nothing hides like shame, nothing holds like loyalty" These lines and pretty much every line hold some sense of truth to them even though the truth may hurt. Thanks for sharing this poem with us.
This is a good story. There are a few things that don't make sense to me I don't know how Jessica got inside to write on the mirror without the dog barking at least once, hence waking Mark up. And employers don't usually fire people for their first late show. I think the story has some funny scenes (dog with the toothpaste) and some good character interactions which make the story memorable. Thanks for posting.
It is a great beginning to your story. I saw some typos and there is not separation to distinguish each new plan so that is why I rated it the way it did. Also If you give a few more details to what they did to the girl it would be more apt to feel pity for her. In general is was written well and I liked the concept of the character. Thanks for sharing this story.
This is a great short and to the point poem. I think that for me it needs a stronger vocabulary to acheive a five rating. I like the speed of the poem which matches the speed of the hanging. A great job overall.
DntdKnight
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/markgreenlaw
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 8:04am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
