This was interesting. Apparently, the guy was a pirate! I did find the story amusing and it kept my attention but where's the rest of it? Is the beginning of a bigger story? It ended to abrupt and without any closure. Write more! I'd love to see what happens next in the life of Bob.
Hey Donna,
Dan told me you posted a poem so I looked you up. Remember, I'm not a poetry person so my criticisms are a little above novice at best. First off...Wow!...lots of emotions here; Fear, love, anger, loss and, in the end, hope and comfort (in Jesus). I love work that grabs the heartstrings of the reader and twists them. Provocative. Try to conjure a title in your head for this and post it on the "Shameless Plug Page" here. You'll get much more feedback, good and bad (maybe) but that's what makes us better writers. Get some more of your work on here, too. I know it's tough to open yourself and your thoughts to the public but it will really help you develop the craft and you'll only be a stronger writer for it. Write On!!!!!!
Good story. I appreciate the visceral visuals you placed in there about Toby getting what he deserved. Descriptions of the characters was done well. There was a nice flow through the story as well. Reminded me a lot of the movie "The Fallen"? Similiar premise of an evil entity being tranfered from person to person via touch. Write On!
Good introspective piece.
"So I confess, with my mouth, how I feel and write down what I feel, so my thoughts are consumed with how I feel and how I feel God is viewing me." This particular sentence doesn't flow. I would suggest something like...
" I confess, in both written and spoken word, how my mind and heart are consumed with inhibitions. I worry how God views me." -I think this still makes your point. Just a suggestion. Otherwise, good piece. Way to open yourself up...always makes for great writing.
I enjoyed the poem. Edgar Allan Poe would be proud. Nothing like a coven midnight sacrifice to get the blood pumping! Very reminiscent of a song I used to listen to back in H.S. "Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden. Read the lyrics.
Great story. I really enjoyed reading this. I love the facat that when I started reading it I assumed the story took place in the past with your references to Garbo and Gable but then your references showed me that this was a future timeline. I liked the idea of the "Church of the Author" and how literary endeavors becomes a culture unto itself. Keep writing!
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