Short but sweet, gets a point across... I'm just curious of the story behind this little ditty. I'm sure that the story behind it is probably as interesting as, if not more than, this little thought itself.
I think that it's really important to understand who the writer is in order to better understand their work. Through this piece, you've allowed us a brief glimpse into your life, and therefore, we know where you're coming from. This piece is really well written, and I appreciate you taking the effort to share your life with the writing.com community.
This is such a great idea, a great way to spice up someone's port for the week, and I'm just curious if you'll keep these images up in your port? I run a group, called The Happy Birthday Group, and these graphics would really spice up our forum. Would it be okay if I used some of them there?
LOL... with the way I put in the words, Dumbledore ends up being reincarnated as Tom Cruise, and Malfoy marries himself. Also, Hermione ends up being the 101- year old half Aunt of Harry, half Mermaid, and the daughter of dumbledore and ron weasley. I was rolling on the floor laughing hysterical and just giggling when I read this. Write on!
beautiful poem, however in the first stanza, I would change it to "never let go of the dreams..."
I see you are a newbie... or at the very least unupgraded, and you deserve a bit of exposure, so my group, "Invalid Item" is going to sponsor this piece because this poem raises us up!!
Suggestions: You might want to add a bit of writingML.
Overall Impression: It's wonderful that you want to share the truth about your religion with the rest of writing.com. Nowadays there are too many misinformed people, who think that Islam is all about terrorism and jihad. Thank you for enlightening those of us who are not of your faith.
Review: This is such a funny concept. I was watching the Olympics last week and hating Emily Hughes and Sasha Cohen... I wish I could be that thin!! To imagine them big and fat puts a smile on my face.
I would like to note, however, that you need to better define what you consider disgusting, because everyone has a different view point on what is and is not gross.
Isn't Cinderella traditionally spelt "Cinderella" with two Ls? At least you are consistent in the misspelling in all of the titles, but it seems to me that if you are going to go as far as to use such a similar title as the original fairy tale, I think that you should spell the name the same.
Overall Impression
Instead of saying "things" when referring to words used from the books, in this item's description, why don't you replace that word with "vocabulary"?
Overall Impression
In the second stanza, it is not apparent, whether the 'you' that you are referring to in the poem is "God" or the audience of the poem. I'm assuming audience, since you did not capitalize "you", but on the first read through, I was going to correct you and tell you that you needed to capitalize "You" if you meant it as a reference to The Almighty.
I think that this is a really great concept, but I would like to suggest that you use writingML to add a bit of color. Perhaps you could assign each character a different color font, or you could have the truths and dares appear in color?
This is a few days late, but {iHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! You are such a very talented poet, and this is an awesome poem. Love always seems to make everything bad in life appear to disappear.
A strong folder introduction makes us want to read the materials contained therein. This folder's intro is a bit weak, and redundant. You may wish to elaborate as to which branch of Christianity you follow most closely, or add some writingML to draw people in. Also, to have a folder within a folder as the only item is just a waste of port space in my opinion.
This is certainly an excellent holiday toast, however, you never speak of what we should share... be it material gifts, or just love and kindness?
I don't really understand why you call love an "invention" though, because we would not be here if not for love, and so love seems a universal constant that has been and always will be.
Suggestions
You may want to make a consistent spacing between stanzas, because there is one case where there are like 3 or 4 blank lines and no apparent reason why.
Overall Impression
While this is a great piece, it feels like it was ripped off from Dr. Seuss just a little bit too much. I mean, I understand that it's supposed to be a parody, but the words are too close to the words he uses in some of his other pieces besides "Oh, The Places You'll Go."
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
(A student of the wise Doctor Suess)
Grammar Advice
When you mention the List of Requirements, you capitalize the L in List, but not the R in Requirements. I think that the R should be capitalized too.
Spelling Corrections
None... but as another note... it is redundant to name the chapters what number chapter they are... since Writing.Com lists that for you. Also, you need to be consistant about whether you are writing out numbers or using the numerals. My suggestion is to use a numeral, and then, a short chapter title.
WritingML Suggestions
While your introductory description of this book is very colorful, and certainly draws a reader in, it is very flat, in that it does not have any writingML at all. I would suggest using a bit of Italics when introducing the idea of a List of Requirements and maybe making the text red, to show the sexiness of the story?
Overall Impression
This item's intro should be rated E. There is nothing offensive or overtly sexual in the title which should be cause for it to be rated non-E. While the book itself may be 18+, the intro may be read by everyone.
THIS PIECE IS AWESOME! I love it! My sister has that bumper sticker. I want to know what happened to fat barbie and maternity barbie. Oh, yeah, and barbies that aren't blonde (I'm a redhead).
(FYI, Barbie is my real name, and I HATE the doll!)
Did you ever buy one of the anthologies your work was published in? It's so small, I needed a magnifying glass to read mine! And I paid $65 for the book. Yes, I call that vanity publishing. I've supposedly also had my poems read on their CDs... but I chose not to purchase those.
I want to be immortal, and the only way of doing that, I know, is to leave somethng worthwhile behind. I choose to leave behind my writing, my art. Emily Dickinson wasn't appreciated at all until she had died. Edgar Allan Poe died a lonely drunk. I believe that Poetry.Com is a scam, but I still submit my poetry there, because maybe, in about a hundred years, some scholar will come across a book with my poem in it, and discover me, and I'll live on. You can still be published without buying the book. You know it's in there... that's all that counts.
As for going to the convention... Poetry.Com isn't a community like Writing.Com is, where we interact with each other on a daily or weekly basis. You don't know anyone else who will be there. It is a great opportunity to meet people, but I'd at least like to know that there'd be at least one friendly face in the crowd!!
This is a great, and I'm sure, very treasured, memory, and I really liked the ending to this piece. My only suggestion is to add a hyphen to "pole like structure," so it that it would read "pole-like structure."
Thank you so much for sharing this piece with the rest of the Writing.Com Community!
I, too, suffer from terrible migraines, and I know the pain of migraines. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors in this piece. You seem to be able to write poetry about anything and everything. Keep up the good work, and I hope that your doctors can find something to cure your horrible headaches.
Barbie
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