I enjoyed reading a story set in a culture that I know well. I was especially interested in seeing how the author inserted several words in Brazilian Portuguese from the Umbanda/Kimbanda setting, providing a dash of local colour. However, if I may humbly suggest, I think it might be interesting to look at the first few paragraphs again and substitute or suppress some of the 'she" (one paragraph has several in a row and "She" and "Vana" at the beginning of too many sentences. Try turning the sentence around, read the entire paragraph out loud to feel the sound of it, make it flow.
Good idea, nice flash of colour. Keep writing, I enjoyed it.
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