I hate this piece. No amount of editing will help it. If you were dumb enough to write this, you must be an idiot and a talentless fool. Nobody wants to read this or anything you write. You're a terrible person for wasting my time like this.
lol!!! Great article! I couldn't resist starting my review with that! I had to look at your portfolio to learn a little more about you. You have had your account for 10 years; that's pretty good. I have only been on this site for 8. I have not, however, been very active on it for the last 2 or 3 years. My inner critic has just taken a cat of nine tails to me because of that.
You read for 6 hours a day?????????? (yes, I know, overkill with the question marks) Were you a lonely kid or lived in a library. Living in a library sounds like a dream to me. I remember scouring the house for something to read. I found a few things that I shouldn't have seen. I grew up in a very strict Italian household and reading was a wonderful escape for me. I have been known to go through a book in one day, reading through it until I was done. Then I was sad because it was over. Enough about me. More about you. (yes I know, sentence fragments!- I hate it when grammar check says that! Doesn't it know that this is the way people talk?) Your comments have brought me back to writing.com. Thank you for that. Marcy aka Marine Mom.
I liked it but it did not hold my interest much, but I loved the ending. The names are long but I guess that's how they do it.
" looked out of great big wide brown eyes" I think you can shorten this, it through me off right away. I had to reread it twice before I realize it was how she spoke. However, it is not she who is talking, it's you.
beautifulest same thing as above. If you want to use it, use it as dialogue
I loved it. I could feel the pain. I'm not great at judging poetry but I did like it. Is this a true story? As a mother, I know the pain would be unbearable if I had lost one of my children. There would be no describing the pain. You did an excellent job of putting your thoughts on paper. Keep writing!
This was an interesting piece of writing. My first impression when I saw it was the blockyness of the text; no white spaces distinguishing different paragraphs.
"15,000 dollars. she looked down the lane, and there" You forgot to capitalize "She" and I felt that alot of the sentances could have been shorter. I felt they ran on and on. The materieal was good but the presentation needs work. Welcome to writing.com, I know you'll love it here. Keep writing!!
Hysterical! I really enjoyed reading this piece, even knowing, of course, where it would go (12 step program) Welcome to Writing.com. You'll love this place.
There were no errors that I noticed and the story kept my attention. I could even relate to the very last line. Good writing....keep on keeping on!
What a great piece! And I didn't see it coming at the end. I think the dialogue was excellent. I didn't see any errors if there were any. I did wondered if Charlie made it at the end but I did like how the story ended. This also feels like something that should be expanded into a book; just imagine the adventures!
WOW This, number one caught my eye by the title description. Number two, your ending was spectacular. I don't know much about form and meter but I thought this poem was EXCELLENT! You did exactly what all authors strive for: GRAB THEIR ATTENTION AND KEEP IT TILL THE END
This poem was very insightful. You gave this dance of life some rhythm The use of the comic sans font, as well as the first two words of each stanza, helped make it feel whimsical as the very last line rang true.
Warrior mom, huh??? Do you have a son or daughter in the military?
This was a very good AND insightful piece of poetry. The fact that I agree with it didn't hurt either. I felt strongly about several of your poetry verses. I see the true need for religion is to feel 'one with God' and grateful for all life's gifts. And to view life as God would. Never going to happen, though.
I like it. Sounds like someone I once knew. Unfortunately these type people exist. I would have called him something stronger than a "whimsical bull" . I am going through your other writings. I know how it feels to seek encouragement and receive very little of it.
I'm not a big haiku poet. (in that I haven't written any) As far as I know, you meet the criteria for a Haiku. No spelling errors.....but that last line; hmmmmm
what about:
thorns forever prick
just a thought. I got the gist of the poem. It just felt awkward at the end.
This was really cute. I noticed you left out Ginger and Mrs. Thurston Howell The 3rd.
When did they get booted of the island??? I chose Gilligan only because of all his dumb luck. I agree the professor has the where-with-all to survive on the island but he wouldn't have as much fun as he did with all the other "survivors"
A few things jumped out at me. I will just give you my opinions, comments and possibly one or two grammar corrections.
1. Nothing ever goes right when your me (you're; contraction for you+are)
2. Everything seems to always be your fault (did you mean "my" fault?) perhaps switch words in the beginning of the sentance to read: Everything always seems to be...
You did an excellent job of invoking emotion in this piece. It reminded me of how I've felt sometimes. I just remind myself, what goes around, comes around. And it ALWAYS does.
Here is my donation to the cause. Maybe I'll be gutsy enought to write something for the contest. Why do I say I'm a writer, I want to write, I occassionaly write, but often I'm afraid to write? If you can answer that question, it will be well worth my investment. Thanks! and Good luck to all the contestants.
In the third line you state "I awake to an imprint of you form" I suspect you mean "youR form". This happens to the best of us when our fingers can't catch up with our mind. I got a little lost in the middle of this...and had to go back and reread it. You may want to look at the flow of ideas and make them a little more clear and concise. Just my thoughts.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I felt it was well written and kept me at the edge of my seat, waiting to see what would happen next. I'd like to see a continuing saga about her growing up and obsticals she encounters along the way. It would have been nice to have seen or read about the girls reaction to her new wings as she admired them for the first time. (or do faries not have a looking glass)
Marcy aka redhead954
OUCH! That is some definition of LOVE. I feel bad for you and sincerely hope you find a love that is nourishing and impowering. I do agree that it was written with alot of feeling. I, for one, felt scared. I forgot that it was about love and felt the fear and the anticipation of being shot! Sometimes love can be like that. I just got a shotgun load from my half-sister.
I felt this was better than average and I wanted to acknowledge this. I felt the content of this writing was extrordinary. I was curious as to why your sister was in so much pain, and since you see her in the mirror, are you also?
I did find some thing you may want to consider changing: In the second paragraph you state "that its time for a story". It should be "It's time for a story." Move the quote mark after the word "that" and use "It's," the contraction for "it is."
Somewhere I learned not to start a sentence with "But" or "And" so I tend to stick with that rule. (Paragraphs 3 and 4)
The last thing I'd like to point out is that there should be a double space between paragraphs and you did not always follow that. This holds true for dialogue allowing a space in between the different people speaking.
I sincerly look forward to reading more of your writing. Oh, and by the way, KEEP WRITING! :)
The writing here was good. No errors that I could see, however WHAT WAS THE STORY? I'm dying to know the story your grandfather told. Then I will understand what you are saying in the paragraph. I can assume how ever that it is refering to humans and marrying in and out of their race and the problems they go thru. You left me wanting more! That is a good thing. Now, tell me this story!
This was adorable!!! Grampa seems like he is pretty creative. I didn't notice any errors and I liked the flow of the story. I'm wondering where I can find Planet Twinkles, unless it's in the little girls eyes. Do you write childrens books? If not, YOU SHOULD! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Very creative!! For a moment I thought it was my monitor talking. That is an interesting style you used. Can you tell me more about it or is it just the way you wrote it? I spotted no errors and think you did extremly well getting your thoughts across.
This was a very touching piece. I have been adopted by my daugters cat. It's as if he is my familiar of sorts and my guardian angel. He is always at my side or very close by. There would be such emptiness in my heart if I ever had to give him away, which I have had to do with another one of my cats. I doubt I would ever do that again. Love goes beyond spiecies...... Love is all encompassing. I am POSITIVE that your cat is loved.
I enjoyed reading your piece. I was a free member for a while and then scraped a few dollars together for the basic memebership, only because I wanted something that I don't remember now but I will when I go to use it. I haven't been online for the last 2 weeks but I always enjoy this site when I come on it. The good news is that you found your way here. I found this a very encouraging article for those who are struggeling (with spelling as I am) but especially with having a free membership when they would like an upgraded one. Keep in mind that some people have been "gifted" and upgraded membership, so keep writing.
Very interesting story. The only thing I ever had happen along this line was three lights in the sky that moved away very quickly at 3am. Luckily I had two other people who saw it too, so my story was substantiated. We all decided they were ufo's because airplanes, helicoptors, and balloons dont move across the sky that way and neither do stars or planets. Some people refuse to believe what they see and are in denial.
Awwwww, poor baby, I could feel your pain! AND, I could relate to when I also was feeling as terrible as you were.
Great writing. I am of course hoping that you are feeling much better at this point and are able to continue your writing. We newbies count on you for support and motivation.
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