This is a good piece, you can sense the apprehension of the night to come. feel the descriptive nature of the surroundings, whilst catching the expectations of what is to come.
As a suggestion, it may be worth tightening the stanza's up, but put in a more expansive emotional content, to give the piece more power and punch. This may give you an option to include more stanza's enhancing what already has been written.
I really enjoyed reading this piece through the feelings expressed throughout.
I look forward to reading more.
This is an imaginative poem, sensing the feelings of time caught in an instance, memories thoughts, happiness and sorrow, capturing the very essence of life.This poem is full of expression, feelings, and the hidden emotions of life. It is captured in an instant and a memorized forever in every form of presentation for posterity of our lives.
This poem has been well written and through-ably enjoyable to read, and much thought given to the subject.
This is a very emotional and heart felt poem. the expression is that deep, that you feel the hurt and pain of the author. Memories of happiness, tainted by such a tragic loss of someone that is so close and dear. Seeing such grieving and the question of why?
You feel the compassion of every word, said with such sorrow. It is beautifully written.
This is a very emotional piece. I sensed happiness to start and then a lot of anger as someone had been deeply hurt, the trust that once was had gone. There has been an infringement of feelings and a one sided love.The piece is very powerful.
I noticed that at the beginning you started with rhythm and rhyme, this did drift as you went further into the poem. It may help if you paragraphed the poem into segments and continued the flow of rhythm and rhyme enhancing what you have already achieved. This is only a suggestion, as I do not know how personal this is to you.
Many thanks for sharing, it was a lovely read.
This poem is absolutely beautiful. I felt every word of every line. It managed to touch those deep hidden emotions for the lady I love most in my life. Thoughts of the person who is always there for you, no matter what the circumstances. She's your strength and rock when you need support, when troubles are all around. Then shares your laughter and happiness with a radiant smile, and is proud of all you do.
Your mother is so special that words can never describe.
Thank you for sharing such a lovely poem, that captures the true meaning of a mothers love.
This is a dark and powerful piece. Someone who is in torment, questioning the ugly, unacceptable side of their mind. They feel frozen and inadequate to resist the thoughts, and incapable of changing the situation. It appears past thoughts have been buried alive, and no matter how had the person tries to resist, they continue to bury more self doubt and are unable to do anything about it.
I found this an intoxicating piece, feeling the hurt, pain, and isolated emotions of the person involved. Very deep and expressive.
Only one suggestion. Where you have "her scriming body", would it be better as "squirming".
This piece has a very strong emotional content. Showing a regret for something or somebody they lost a long time ago. Through the regret there is a yearning to return and try to put right the situation, to be given another chance.
It's Short, strong, emotional and has a lot of compassion. Keep showing your feelings and emotions in your writing, A lovely piece to read.
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