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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/maranda
Review Requests: OFF
708 Public Reviews Given
781 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
*Exclaim* Please don't ask me to review your entire novel or more than a couple of chapters, due to time restraints. *Exclaim* I give the most thorough reviews I can, with special attention to grammar and punctuation. (I'm an English major, and a little bit of a grammar Nazi!) I usually use a template with several sections, depending on what type of item I am reviewing. I like to be honest about what needs improvement in my reviews, but that shouldn't scare you. I always have something good to say about items I review as well. My philosophy is that writers should have thick skins. My opinion on your work isn't an indicator of how I feel about the author. I won't review something if I find it too boring or if the subject matter is not my cup of tea. For example, I don't review much science fiction or anything too bloody or violent. I'm not a big fan of fan-fiction or shrinking/growing/whatever stories. Besides that, I am open to any items up to a GC rating.
I'm good at...
Providing an overview of both how a piece makes me feel and what grammar and punctuation errors distract me from the story.
Favorite Genres
children's, romance/love, relationship, erotica
Least Favorite Genres
horror, science fiction, fetish, fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, short stories, personal narratives
I will not review...
*Exclaim* I don't have time to review novels or extremely long stories right now! Thanks! I don't review much science fiction or anything too bloody or violent. I'm not a big fan of fan-fiction or shrinking/growing/whatever stories.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Final Leap  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jellyfish Hello 2025 🙂 Author IconMail Icon! I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

This was such a fun story about two fishies. I could really see your descriptions, and each fish had its own unique personality.

What Needs Work:

Look for places that are "wordy." For example, cut words like "was" and "had" where they're not needed. In a similar way, cut things like "started to" and "became." Instead of saying "The air became thick and turned to liquid as Angus hit the surface of the water, face first." say "The air thickened. . ." See how much more specific and less wordy that is?

How does your poem/story relate to the music?

I can feel the initial excitement that is apparent in the music, and the moments of joy throughout, as well as the darkness when it looks as if the fish is about to be eaten. However, I wonder if you could have written more of the "darker" moments from the music into your story.

I give your piece: *Star**Star**Star**Star*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of Earthly Matters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, darkmorning Author IconMail Icon! I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

This sure was a unique story! I was very intrigued by the premise-- the birthday party for Earth and this mysterious man named Simon.

What Needs Work:

I noticed a lot of punctuation errors. Here are some tips.

"Ahhh, you must be wondering why all the celebrations." Said the mystery man -- there should always be a comma inside the quotation marks when using "said." Also, "said" should be lowercase.

Watch out for comma splices, where you use a comma instead of a period to separate two independent clauses.


Watch for places where you're being wordy. Cut out phrases like "started to" and "began."

I wanted to know more! More! More! So many things are left unanswered. Who is Simon, and how does he know these things? You have the beginnings of a great story here. It just needs expanded. Also, I dislike endings where things end up being a dream. That's been done many times before.

How does your poem/story relate to the music?

The story and music both start off with joyous parts and end with more complicated, somber parts.

I give your piece: *Star**Star**Star*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of The Tenth Opus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Joy Author IconMail Icon! I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

I was very pleasantly surprised by everything about this story. I loved that you wrote a story about a composer and I loved that you included historical referenced to other composers. The twist at the end was great.

What Needs Work:

Normally, this is where I point out inconsistencies in grammar and punctuation, but I could find none. This was a well put-together story.

How does your poem/story relate to the music?

Clearly, your story was inspired by the music, and I could feel the instances of mellow parts and upbeat parts mirrored in the story.

I give your piece: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, b_boonstra! I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

I like that you're telling a story with this poem. The imagery is also well done, particularly comparing the sky to gold.

What Needs Work:

I thought this poem could use punctuation at the end of lines, or at least within the dialogue: "Come, join the celebrations, she is finally here
Our Queen of the Castle arrived!"

How does your poem/story relate to the music?

I can sense the more upbeat tone of the poem that is apparent in parts of the music, but I'm not so sure I can feel any of the influence from the somber moments in the music.

I give your piece: *Star**Star**Star**Star*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of We Lost Her  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

I liked that you told a story with this poem. I got a good sense of the woman's desperation through her actions. I thought the ending stanza, with the rhetorical questions, worked well as a literary device.

I wanted to know more about the woman and what caused her to be in this position.

What Needs Work:

You started out the poem in present tense ("She is very tired") but the rest of the poem was written in past tense.

I needed more imagery to bring the poem to life. Lines like "A mist appeared along the edge of the road" are good, but could be more specific in order to help the reader really SEE what's happening.

How does your poem/story relate to the music?

The music has so many ups and downs, happy, joyful moments followed by slow, sad ones. I felt as if this poem did not embrace the happy moments in the music. The poem was consistently very bleak and sad.

I give your piece: *Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, 💙 Carly- Hello 2025 Author IconMail Icon! I'm reviewing your story today for "I Write in June-July-August " Open in new Window.!

What I liked: I could really relate to this woman experiencing her first horseback ride. I could feel her fear (maybe because it's one of my fears as well!) I think everyone can relate to this story because everyone is afraid of something.

What needs work: It's always hard for me to review such short stories (but I love writing them, so go figure!). One of the things I noticed about this one was that some of your sentences became run-ons and were a little hard to follow. Try varying your sentence structure more. For example: "The thought of drop-offs ramped up my heartbeat and I tried to slow it by dragging in large breaths of air and letting them pass slowly out again as I closed my eyes to pray." could become "The thought of drop-offs ramped up my heartbeat. I tried to slow it by dragging in large breaths of air and letting them pass slowly out again as I closed my eyes to pray." or even "The thought of drop-offs ramped up my heartbeat. I tried to slow it by dragging in large breaths of air and letting them pass slowly out again. I closed my eyes to pray."

Good luck in the contest and write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Gold Ribbon  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Somtymes Author IconMail Icon! I am reviewing you today as a judge for "The LGBT Writing Contest - reopens Feb" Open in new Window.!

Initial Thoughts: I was kind of leery about where this story was going in the beginning, but it turned out to be one of my favorite stories in this competition so far. You really took the "gold" prompt in a unique direction. I love your writing style, the tone, and the simplicity of it. I also appreciated that you took on this subject with such sensitivity and free from stereotypes.

Grammar and Punctuation: This is something I always point out in review, since poor grammar and punctuation tends to distract me from an otherwise good storyline. In this case, however, I found no glaring errors. *Thumbsup*

I'm not giving this story 5 stars because every store has a little room to grow. However, I thought it was awesome and give it 4.5 stars.

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Trusting Love  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Lavender Author IconMail Icon!

I love reviewing poetry, and I am happy to review your poem today!

What I Liked:

This poem has a nice rhythm to it, almost like a song, which is partially made by the rhymes.

There is also some fresh language here. For example, "You love me with sincerity
Experience, fresh dew." "I surrender to the journey." and "Trust will never be."

I am also intrigued by your use of words that seem to have opposite meanings right next to each other. "rejection, engaged." "experience, fresh dew" and "aspiring, nights gray" are the ones I'm thinking of. Whether or not you realize you were doing that, it could be an effective literary device if used intentionally.

What Needs Work:

That being said, I'm not a huge fan of rhyming love poetry, as it tends to sound trite and insincere. I like that you didn't use a set rhyme scheme here, which would have made it sound like a nursery rhyme.

A couple of awkward-sounding things

"I hope you prove iniquity," I don't think "iniquity" is the word you mean here, since its definition is "lack of fairness or justice."

"Don't let me down, cause i will frown."- Here is the one major spot in this poem that feels sing-songy. It's almost a cliche to say if you let me down, I will frown. It's also the only place in the poem where you use internal rhyme, which isn't consistent with the rest of it.


Grammar and Punctuation:

Ok, so you've decided to use punctuation, which is great! But you're not using it consistently throughout the poem. I'm not going to go through all of the punctuation errors, but here are some things to keep in mind:

*Note*Just line in prose, when you end a sentence or a complete thought, you should use a period.

*Note*You should NOT use a comma in between two sentences. For example, when you say "I don't know how to be with you,
it's something so brand new"

*Note*If you're going to use periods at the end of lines, then use them at the end of every line.

I hope you find these notes helpful. I'd be happy to reread and re-rate if you decide to revise the poem.


I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star*

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of I Write  Open in new Window.
for entry "Ruby's Revenge" Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! I'm reviewing your poem "Ruby's Revenge" for "I Write in June-July-August " Open in new Window..

This was a very well-done poem, and it sounds good when read aloud! I love all of the alliteration in the repetition of the "r" sounds.You've successfully used an interview rhyme ("hills billow"), similes and metaphor. You've painted a very vivid picture with this poem. Well done!

Good luck with the contests!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story today as a judge for "Diversity Makes the World Go Round" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering! *Rainbowl**Rainbowr*

Did this story meet the prompt?

Yes. The story was all about diversity.

Did this story engage the reader?

To an extent. I think it would have been more engaging had you given the main character a name and personality. I wanted to know more about what type of school she went to, the specific people she met, the specific things she learned. I also think you could have driven your point about diversity home better if you had focused on one event or time period, instead of covering many years in one character's life.

Grammar and Punctuation:

Be careful with semi-colons. Semi-colons should only separate two independent sentences. It is used the same way as a period. For example, your sentence "Stopping her car; she took a deep breath."*Right* "Stopping her car" is not a full sentence because it does not contain a subject. Who stopped the car? This sentence could be restructured using a comma instead. Or, even better, "She stopped the car and took a deep breath."

Final Thoughts:

I loved how you included WDC at the end of the story! With more focus, this could be a really strong story.

Write on!

Crys


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review of What I hath lost.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Scifiwizard Retired Author IconMail Icon }. I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!.

What I liked:

I liked how you used the historical quote, but put it into the mouth of a fictional character. *Thumbsup*



What needs work:

I felt as if the sentence "I beg you to read this correspondence to its end as I write this upon my knees as if speaking to you in person within the walls of your throne room." was a little bit of a run-on and could have been separated into two sentences.

I would have liked this piece to have been longer, in order to get to know the speaker or her husband better.


Overall thoughts:

Overall, I liked it, but thought some more substance would make it a more intriguing read.



I give this piece *Star**Star**Star**Star*

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of The Tavern  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Graham B. Author IconMail Icon. I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!.

What I liked:

I really enjoyed the drama and action in this tale!

What needs work:

It took me some re-reading to figure out who the characters were and what exactly was going on, but I'm not sure what to suggest in order to make it clearer.

Overall thoughts:

I see you didn't use the quote from the prompt in the story, and I can only assume that you are subtly referring to Marie as the lost "comfort and support."


I give this piece *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Louis and Jacqui  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello JACE Author IconMail Icon. I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!.

What I liked:

I enjoyed the scope and historical reference of this story. It was very well-written, as well.


What needs work:

I couldn't help but to feel as if all the -ing words you used took away from the immediacy of the story. It may be just a pet peeve of mine, as I've seen writers use them more and more lately.

I also wondered why he had to return to marry. Surely, his mother and everyone else thought he was dead. How long was he gone? Could he not have stayed with Jacqui if he had truly wanted to?



Overall thoughts:


Great story!

I give this piece {{e:star}*Star**Star*e:star}*Halfstar*

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of The Red Eminence  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jeff Author IconMail Icon. I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!.

What I liked:

Even though Marie had been through so much struggle and torture, even though she had lost her husband and both her sons, in the end she was still determined to seek her revenge. I thought that made for a great, somewhat surprising ending.



What needs work:

Nothing.



Overall thoughts:

I have mixed feelings about "dumping" the backstory as Marie's thoughts. On one hand, it seemed like a lot of information for the reader to digest all at once. On the other hand, it was an effective device that I appreciate was used sparingly.


I give this piece *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Amalie Cantor - We Got This! Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.

What I Liked:

This was a unique take on satire, I think. It took me a couple of reads to realize that you were referring to a computer with the "Life in a Box," and that the relationship between the two characters was over the internet.

I liked that the relationship progressed through the poem, all online. I think it's a good commentary about how these days we meet and trust people online almost to the point where we are in fact living online.


What Needs Work:

I wanted to know what happened to make the "thread snapped," because in a lot of cases I see online relationships "snapping," and I think being more specific could add to the social commentary.


Grammar and Punctuation:

Your end punctuation seems inconsistent, especially in the first stanza. I was confused abut where thoughts/sentences began and ended in the 3rd-5th lines.


I give this poem:*Star**Star* *Star* *Star*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Soldier_Mike Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

To me, this poem is the definition of "satirical." It's funny because of its about a true part of life that we all have feelings about The rhyme scheme adds to the overall fun feeling of the poem.


What Needs Work:

Nothing


Grammar and Punctuation:

No errors that I noticed.


I give this poem:

*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*


Good luck in the contest!
Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of E-Mail  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Joy Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

This was definitely a satire everyone could relate to. Who doesn't get thousands of spam emails all the time? I especially liked how you book-ended the poem with a slightly modified refrain. I thought the rhyme and rhythm of the fourth stanza was especially well done.


What Needs Work:

The only line I didn't understand the meaning of was "Wouldn't this make my teeth fall"


Grammar and Punctuation:

No errors that I noted.
}}

I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of Praise the Writer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Gaby Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

This was a unique idea for a poem, and one that I think many of us can definitely relate to! I liked how you used the two voices and put them in different colors. They were distant voices and I knew who was who.


What Needs Work:

See punctuation suggestions below.

Grammar and Punctuation:

One of my pet peeves is comma splices, even in poetry. My theory is that poetry should either be not punctuated at all or punctuated perfectly. You use a comma at the end of many lines in this poem where a period is needed instead. A comma should only be used before a word like "but" such as how you use it in the seventh stanza.


I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Good luck in the contest!
Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sparky Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

This was a clever poem that I think a lot of us at WDC can relate to, thanks to the subject matter. The rhyme and rhythms are nice, and I like how you use enjambment in a few lines.


What Needs Work:

See below.


Grammar and Punctuation:

In the next to the last stanza, you shouldn't use a semi-colon, because "to be published." is not a full sentence. I would probably punctuate those lines this this:

"Then your future is plain,
to be published, to gain"

Otherwise, the punctuation is good.


I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star**Star*

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review of False promises  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Koyel~writing again Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

There were a few very strong lines in this poem. I particularly thought "And suck our blood out/Like leeches" was a good, strong metaphor.


What Needs Work:

I would have liked to have seen even more metaphors, similes, and vivid imagery in this poem to make it sing. As it stands, it almost seems like a long-winded rant about the state of politics, not a poem. The form of this poem may also have something to do with that. I think stanza breaks may help the reader break up the speaker's thoughts.

These are good thoughts, strong opinions that should be expressed, but I don't know if this is necessarily a satire or a poem.


Grammar and Punctuation:

No errors noted.


I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of Vicarious Living  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating Author IconMail Icon!

I am reviewing this poem for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What I Liked:

I loved the repetition in this poem; it really got to the point about reality TV. This is a subject that many of us can relate to; few of us realize that we are actually not living our lives when we get hooked on such reality TV. I appreciated that you focused on the dangerous nature shows rather than shows like Big Brother, in order to get across your point.

What Needs Work:

I would have liked to have seen more imagery in this poem, but I'm sure your were somewhat limited by your choice of rhyme scheme there.


Grammar and Punctuation:

No errors noted.


I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Weirdone-Back in the games Author IconMail Icon!

I love reviewing poetry, and I am happy to review your poem today! I am reviewing your item for the I Write Contest.

What I Liked:

This was a very fun, rhyming poem. I could see the teenage girl speaker and feel her increase in anger as the poem went on. I also liked your use of creative rhymes (wet/bucket, know/uh-oh).

I'm not familiar with this form, but I like the eight syllable lines. They make the poem more even. I think the topic you used fit the form.


What Needs Work:

Nothing.

Grammar and Punctuation:

Nothing that I noticed!

I give this poem: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Write on!

Crys *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
winklett Author IconMail Icon,

I found this old gem of yours while looking for stories to feature in my upcoming Romance/Love Newsletter on a very similar topic.

As someone who also felt she found internet "love" (I was young and naive, and I later found out he had a girlfriend, but it was oh so thrilling to be doing adult things on the internet all night long), I can really relate to your story. You're candid, humorous, and most of all realistic and truthful about your experience, and I hope more women will read this story and take it into consideration when they meet a guy online.

I will be including this as one of my editor's picks in this weeks Romance/Love Newsletter. Thanks for sharing!

Crys


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sean M. H. Delaplace Author IconMail Icon! Thanks for requesting a review form me! I hope my comments will help you with your poem.

What I liked:

I could see, very vividly, the woman in your dream. Lines like "Bangs parting sensually to the wind's delicate beat." and "While her fiery mane dances, provocatively sweet" paint an almost-angelic image of the woman. You also do a good job at setting with lines like "a bountiful green delight" and "She sits among the jasmine."

I was impressed that the rhyme scheme did not seem forced and created smooth line breaks appropriate for this poem.

What could use improvement:

Although there was a lot of strong, vivid, imagery, there were also a few lines that seemed vague. For example, "Beauty appears, invades my space, tempts my sight." and "The world around her seems to come alive" could be further expanded using the senses of sight, touch, and/or smell.

Overall, a nice poem!

Write one!

Crys *Smile*
25
25
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!.

The Prompt:

Write a fictional memoir of your character's visit to a foreign country in first person point of view.


What I Liked:

I was intrigued by this story and felt as if it could easily be part of a longer story or novel.

Did I get to know your character?

Yes, at least a little. I would have liked to have learned more about her motivations to rescue the women. Was there something in her past that compelled her to do so?
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