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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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176
176
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am inspired by the focus and honesty in each post. The drive and commitment to writing is not merely a passion here (which it obviously is), but a way of life. I am seeking my own way of being able to exist as a funcitoning member of society while living my passion, which is writing. I know I will learn much here.

Focused, encouraging, and inviting posts all ~ I will return often to this Terrace when my Muse feels overwhelmed by the world.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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177
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your sestina ~ a life's journey, returning 'home' where one finds once again the wonder of the child within, brought full circle upon finding old letters penning dreams to recall the dreams once envisioned and written by the storyteller*Heart* Encouraged by voices that once spoke and lived and embraced life and left their missive for a seeker perhaps a century or more after their footprints no longer trod the earth*Heart*

I believe the sestina form is correctly met as to the use of the end words, and the final stanza at the conclusion expertly sums up the 'story' related in the poem as the writer finds herself and her muse inspired by the vision of past lives, encouraged to once again dream, and write*Star*

The sestina form does not require rhyme, but I found a near-mesmerizing quality to some of the images, recalling my own fantasy role playing in the attic, where common objects became whatever I imagined them to be, as did I*Star*

Reading aloud, it was easy to follow the story, and I could sense the wonder, then wistful recollection, followed by recalled anguish, which ultimately resulted in "embracing" hopeful recognition.(Beautiful opening image*Star**Heart*

I have but a few comments where I was a bit slowed
"Grandmother" and "grandmother" ~ suggest using one or the other consistently??

Second line ~ consider in place of "found" an action word for what is done, i.e., "I rescued from under..." or to have it hold it's own in the line, perhaps something like "Tucked into the eave..." ??? so it doesn't run like a long sentence???

The voice seems to switch back and forth a bit in some of the stanzas, i.e., the first relating to the letters and Grandfather, the house and attic ~
Perhaps consider more active for the letters, i.e., "How long had the words been waiting, and..."

The fifth line, "Grandfather...", consider a stop after "1927," in lieu of a quote??

"Before I lived, I pretended many lives up here in the dim, grey light." ~ *Star* just had to note this, it's Sublime*Heart*

Consider staying active in the second stanza to open the images ~ i.e.,
"Ballerina" or "Dancing in" (in place of "Remembering") a gown of green-sprigged calico, parasol twirling in soft evening light."

"Lifetimes passed peopled by grown children gone, I wandered home." ~ great transition from the story of the past, then consider keeping present and active as to what she is doing, i.e.,

"Soul quiet now, I peruse ancient words penned by those long dust." (again, Beautiful vivid image, just suggest keeping active ~ what she is doing now ~ reading, dreaming, stepping into the past lives once again, coming full circle so vividly portrayed in the balance of the stanza*Star*

"Far past the buried treasures I sought in my youth, those faded letters
Reveal[ed] a truth beyond any I once sought, waiting there, silent in the dust."{again, a wonderful image*Heart*

And a near-prophetic ending*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this provocative, powerful poem of seeking, reflection, and ultimately becoming whole^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Forgotten  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this stark, reflective vision, trying to recapture or recollect what might be, dreams or wishes, hope! Nothing can ever be made whole once lost or scattered. The wisp of a thought that shimmers on the corner of the mind before taking flight. A very contemplative poem ~ open to interpretation and reflection*Star*

There is some rhyming and rhythm to the opening stanza which adds a regularity to the search, then responds with what "...can not be found." The detailed description of the 'falling thoughts' 'shattering and burning on the frozen ground,' is so palpable and vivid, I can almost see words dropping to the ground*Star* Ending with the rhyming couplet brings the poem full circle, with a conclusion that's often all to true*Star*

Consider perhaps personalizing the sescond-last line, i.e., "...Trying to place them from whence/where they came," ??? either or in place of "which," to give me a better sense of a place, as if they had traveled???

"Re-organized thoughts are never the same."*Star* Sums up the writer's lament when a fleeting image/thought is lost before it can be put to paper or keyboard*Star*

Thank you for sharing this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Review of Brain Waves  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I first see a cemetery with gravestones ("unnatural stones")*Star* where the atmosphere appears peaceful and even joyous!
Then the transition in the second stanza reveals souls screaming, unheeded, perhaps vainly hoping for a reply!

As a free form poem, I do not seek rhyme, but consistency in the imagery and a cohesive story, which I found. The first stanza paints a peaceful image, followed by an ominous frightening one as night falls.

Consider perhaps, not using the same word more than once in a stanza, to be more showing than telling, i.e., "unnatural" in line 2, perhaps another word for 'natural' in line 3 (normal, bland)"...bland taste on the air"??? would show the taste sensed in place of a value statement.
Also, "seemingly" in 3rd and 4th lines both. Perhaps "...clean sky appears touchable..." or "An apparent message of joy" ???

The second stanza is so intense, the transition defined and vivid as the peaceful place of rest is revealed to be a place of terror to its resident spirits.*Star*

Good Luck in the contest!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this treatise on the merits of the weekend for a fellow 'lab rat.'*Star* As a worker bee, I can empathize with answering to bells and whistles and treats during the week, having to be accountable to others for my time in order to earn enough money to enjoy the precious two days off.*Rolleyes*

Relating in third person lends a dialogue or story poem quality to the prose. The work week is described in sufficient detail that one breathes a sigh of relief at Saturday's 'beacon of light' ~ Then describing the difference between Saturday's nascent joy and Sunday's reflective quality, anticipating first the dawn of the free time, then a bit more constrained on Sunday, knowing what is to return the next day after the 'dusk'*Star*

Consider perhaps using 'dawn' somewhere on Saturday to connect with 'dusk' on Sunday???

My favorite images ~ going from lab rats to conducting experiments of fun and frivolity on Saturday.

Thank you for offering this delightful weekend 'romp' that I happen to be reading Sunday evening ~ I will recall the images as I look forward to next weekend already ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Birthday ^_^

What a Splendid party you are hosting here ~ offering a joyous note with a bit of bio, links to WDC groups, and a welcome to one and all, whether long-time members or new to wdc. I checked some of the links and they work, so I shall return to visit at more length and spend some more time reading items in your port*Smile* In the meantime, a little token of appreciation will follow this review for being one of the people who Make WDC the wonderful, encouraging community that it is*Heart*

Wishing you more joy than sorrow, more laughter than tears, this day and the coming year^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate


Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Making History  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


There is so much going on in this story, not only about learning to know oneself, but the guidance of a loving mother, the innate wisdom of a child, and how a budding attraction, though denied, will flourish perhaps if it is meant to be, with just a bit of encouragement.

I note little telling in place of showing the action, i.e., "There at the back of the classroom stood Rodney's father..." and describe his appearance perhaps, was he frowning, scowling, brows furrowed???

The transitions from one setting to the next appear to be a bit forced at times, but the conversations and interaction between the characters in each scene are vivid and believable*Star*

The story unfolds naturally in a near linear progression, believable, with an ending that, although it seems a bit rushed, makes me want to peek at the next chapter of all their lives*Thumbsup*

Thank you for sharing this delightful story of hope and joy^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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183
Review of A Time of Love  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


"Even in my 30s ...I was not ready to lose my Daddy."*Heart* says it all ~ this reaches to all who have or will experience the change that occurs when our parents who we once perceived as near perfect guides become human, fallible, and sometimes as dependent on our love as we are of theirs.

Relating from a first person viewpoint, though tough, makes it all more immediate, almost an essay on life itself*Star*

As a story, some of the transitions are telling rather than showing what occurs, how it affects or relates to the participants. i.e., consider starting the second paragraph with the quote for immediate impact and to express the vehemence of the moment. Then end it with how she was a mess, so the reader can see her tear streaked eyes, or rumpled hair, a visual image???

Also consider describing the value words and avoiding cliches, i.e., 'reversing our roles' First show how the roles are reversed then, if you think it fits, add that as a summation of what has changed. Another value statement, 'moved on to a better place.' ??? how does one know that? as he was crying at the time??

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerful story of life ~ one that makes me look with care at my relationships and take that extra moment to show I care*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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184
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for posting this survey and the opportunity to vent (a.k.a. whine) a bit^_^

As a survey, the questions afford a variety of responsive options, with respect to the contest, the challenge, and the prompts themselves; and the comment section at the end invites suggestions for improvement and/or commendations if the reader enjoyed the challenge.

Hope to see this as a recurring challenge with equally intriguing prompts and ideas ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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185
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This for me is an image of a man, aging alone, having lost his wife to disease, who keeps his grip on current reality by following certain routines so he would be grounded, focused on the comfort of routine.

There are allusions made to time that offers either a glimpse into a mental aberration or mysticism or magic to come, as does the town name.

I would recommend just a bit more active voice; i.e., the paragraph where Max sees the boys playing; starts with some omniscient musing, then telling; i.e., the description of the boys, perhaps Max's observation can be more distinct as to their eyes, hair, something to make him as well as the reader, pay attention to what's different about those boys??

The impression of a man in tune with his world, restricted either by age or something more ominous from making this trip whenever he chooses, nevertheless enjoys the routine and holds fast to his memories. I like Max's complexity and look forward to reading more about him and the characters he encounters in Derry.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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186
Review of The Heir  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I think there's a lot of intrigue, and the potential for some dark secrets being discovered by these former friends and confidants, about the Cohen business, Redding nad perhaps others in management, as well as each other. The title 'reappearing act' itself offers a glimpse of secrets being revealed. Allusioin is made to a child (offspring?), and the difference between the two former women's (Sibyl and Ginger) (reaction to Cohen's sudden illness); and Paris is undoubtedly more than just a chauffer and confidant ~ she's just too sharp and knows way too much about Cohen et al.

A story of intrigue, corporate shenanigans, and how two women (or three) perhaps used Cohen as they also were used by him, to further their ultimate goals in life. But whatever they might have thought, Cohen perhaps will have the upper hand, albeit after his sudden illness and perchance demise? Thus begins a story woven with intrigue and suspense^_^

There are a lot of characters introduced rather quickly, perhaps there's a word restriction ~ if so, consider developing a few of the characters more fully to make the transitions more smooth; and just making note of other entities you feel necessary. i.e., 'the family' is generalized and perhaps one member can be named to attempt to keep Ginger from seeing Cohen, or perhaps note that they are in seclusion? Also members of Cohen's company, if any need be noted at this time.

Consider also to make the story more active and showing, to perhaps relating from one or two of the women's viewpoint for a time period in place of going back and forth, to put the reader into the mind of the character might also help the reader learn to know the characters more intimately; else keep third person perhaps from Paris' view and as active as possible. (i.e., when she answers the phone, open with the "Hello" and her appearance or grimace at the interruption of the phone???)

This is an intriguing draft of a thrilling mystery where to me none of the characters appear to be just exactly what they portray; there are layers built into the story that it would be a delight to uncover.*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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187
187
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


A simple straightforward miracle*Heart* The final burden that, instead of a fight, gave one person pause for reflection and to put faith in a higher power to heal, asking for a blessing, a miracle. This message speaks to the heart ~ regardless of one's religious observance or beliefs ~ sometimes one needs to await the will of God/Goddess/Karma/... *Heart*.

As a story, there is but a little telling in place of showing, with some vivid examples of the trials (borrowing water to launder, shower, etc.). I would consider opening with a bit more visual image, just a bit more active, by perhaps switching the beginning and ending of the first couple of sentences to provide a more visual active image so the reader is brought into the room either to study or work on the pipes*Smile*

Thank you for sharing this heartwarming, inspirational story ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Come Back  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your story speaks of a truth, a basic need, that I've encountered not only in myself but others ~ to connect with another, to share and bond, and this need survives despite being betrayed time and once again, even though it means giving up freedoms of the independent spirit*Heart*

I'm reading of one who had often been betrayed and has taken refuge in in freedom, yet finds himself drawn to one with whom he had an inauspicious initial encounter ~ is it the chase, perhaps ~ but then after they connect, he shares his life and "built a house that was impenetrable" (beautiful image*Star* with this person, then feels the other slipping away because he didn't have the trust and held on with too much binding force. The story ends with him once again alone, but now recognizing and owning the loneliness and yearning for the other to return.

The transitions are fairly even ~ the voice could at times be more active, less passive (i.e., "becoming secure in my loneliness" how about "secure in my loneliness"); and in the first paragraph, is he "happy" or more accurately "content" ? ~ also suggest avoiding value statements abd cliches, i.e., "the abnormal had become normal" instead describe his alternate reality as normal to avoid the cliche.

His observations of her movements are a bit telling rather than showing, suggest just a bit of tightening to be more active, "I witnessed this shadow," is Great*Thumbsup* ~ what was the shadow doing (interacting how? - visual - the way she shook hands, smiles, winked at someone???) ~

The development of the relationship is so detailed and vivid, and I can almost see the force coming to the fore and destroying what was wrapped so tightly (i.e., "a protective relationship that would have rivaled the Secret Police..." *Star*)

Thank you for offering this poignant, and powerfully written story )0(
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Reviewer's Club  
Rated: E | (5.0)
An inviting group, and a novel way to recruit members, by reviewing the forum*Smile* A good way to foster community involvement and improve the writing skills and reviewing skills of members (which is one of the bullet points*Star*).

As a forum, the parameters and rules are clear and easy to follow. The language is friendly and inviting, offering wdc members an opportunity and challenge to improve reading and reviewing skills, contribute gps to support wdc community spirit, along with the opportunity and challenge to improve each member's skills in reviewing and obtain exposure throughout the community as a reviewer.

Hope to see the group flourish for a long time to come ~ here's a token gp contribution toward the group's efforts.

"Reviewer's Club"


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Rated: E | (4.5)
A vision of lasting love - ephemeral yet unforgettable over the years. Beautiful image of a simple gift that for me portrays the gift of one's heart/love one time and, although the intended is no longer physically present, the image and its beauty lives on*Heart*

Reading aloud, the transitions are even; images flow in beautiful sequence, blossom, and hold fast. There is some rhythm and some of the lines can be savored individually as well as integral parts of the whole*Star*

Thank you for offering this poignant vision^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Enough  
Rated: E | (4.0)
From being a threatened victim to the victor, but still with her "...bare laugh and her lonely cry..." but the fear galvanized her and now, instead of being locked in the dark maw of fear, she is free. Definitely one ot read several times to imbibe the nuances that evoke all the senses on the road to a bittersweet victory.

Reading aloud, the images flow naturally in logical sequence; intensity not released as first fear, then terror, then a sense of power depicts the journey of a victim becoming the lonely victor*Heart* A non-rhyming poem, there is rhythm in some of the images; suggest just a bit of tightening of the transitions for consistency.

Some of the lines read powerfully on multiple levels, i.e., third line
"reasons why. The fear inside her gripped"*Star* ~ could stand alone, while remaining an integral part of the vision.*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Alone  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Alive once...full of wonder" comes full circle for me with the final refrain "that which would last" "that which will last" ~ a cycle of despair as youthful hope becomes beaten down over the years, but still the spark remains, and "will last." *Heart*

Reading aloud, the images are vivid, the pauses effective to hold each before releasing me to the next. The word "keep" appearing in two consecutive lines but with different meaning, a bit disconcerting, consider perhaps using "hold" for this first occurrence "Oh, to hold that precious youth!" ???

Thank you for sharing this poignant image of passing youth, its spark still alive in the heart, eternal ~ kind of makes me think of Imbolc and the renewal of life*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this vision ~ recalled from a child's eye point of view ~ how a person was able to by one solitary kind act leave "...a dignity...rarely felt since."*Star* I can envision a ten-year old child's eyes opened to the sight, scent, and image before her upturned face*Heart*

As a story poem, well related in logical sequence with vivid imagery that entices the senses and this reader can envision a child's wonderment*Heart*

I do not seek rhyme, but would suggest perhaps some of the pronouns being tightened to aid the rhythm, i.e., fifth line, the final "...and"??; also a bit slowed where the lady releases her hand; the two lines there the transition in point of view a bit sharp perhaps?

Thank you for sharing this beautiful image*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (4.0)
I see the image of one in a healing process, caring enough about someone to share vivid details, and enjoining the other to allow the healing to continue; asking for time.

As a free form poem, the images are vivid and I can visualize the bondage in body and spirit, and the incessant struggle to break free and be able to once again trust another.*Heart*

I do not seek rhyme, and the pauses are, in general, effective to keep the images together and allow for pause and reflection. I would suggest for a bit more even rhythm, to delete a couple of 'and''s ~ the fifth line, begin with "yet..." and the second last, begin with "numb..." perhaps ~ see how that sounds to you.*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerfully written message in verse.*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is another splendid forum, helpful to new members of WDC as well as encouraging those of us who are no longer Newbies to read and review the work of others ~ I think one of the best tools for improving one's writing. I've kept my subscription to the Noticing Newbies newsletter active since I joined, and still find tips, along with the great Q&A and delightful reading ~

As a forum, the link to Noticing Newbies works ~ I checked in and responded to a post just a bit ago ~ and I like the instant link to new posts

Here's a token gp contribution to the group's efforts to encourage Newbies to read, review, and keep writing.

If you think I'd fit in, I would like to be part of this group as a floater, as I'm often on at odd hours and would like to pass on some of the encouragement in the form of reviews and interaction with new members that I received when I first joined this Community.

Many thanks for all your continued support and encouragement,
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The image of snowflakes as words, or ideas, or visions, or dreams, ethereal and elusive all*Heart* to be seen for a moment in a 'window' - a coherent thought*Star*

Reading aloud, each stanza leads me deeper into a labyrinth of imagery, seeking an outlet. The free form images fit well, the repeated use of "through" is only a bit disconcerting in the first stanza. For emphasis, I can see the use in first and third line, consider perhaps "...about this place;" for the second line to add pause to the thought? I presume the uneven pacing of the lines is intended to mimic the unplanned nature of the images that form the ultimate vision that is finally seen in the window?

Thank you for sharing this powerful, reflective work, that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I could see the innocence first fade, then trust renew, as first one realizes death is imminent, then accepts the fact, to be returned to the comforting sight of her mother watching her.

Reading aloud, I do not seek rhyme in the free form, and the images flow from one to the other in logical and passionate progression. For rhythm, I would suggest perhaps eliminating a few extraneous words to keep the tension more immediate and personal. i.e., "Too scared to even whimper" (delete "but"); also the voice of a child might not think "...air supply...deplete", and ""she feels a rush of heat" more personal???

The ending is just so poignant and vivid ~ I can see her open her eyes and stare at her mom.

Thank you for sharing this powerful work ~ the image remains after I have finished reading*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


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*Star**Star**Star*


What starts as an everyday evening of routine boredom between a couple who apparently stay together because it's what they do ends with a terrifying twist that makes me want to see the next chapter*Star* How will Bill react? Is he involved?

As a story, the introduction of Bill and Martha is detailed, visual, and provides the reader a good backdrop for the evening ahead. I would suggest only keeping the voice more active within each segment.

Relating the story from both Bill and Martha's viewpoint adds to the breadth of each character and the scene is set where just about anything could happen, but what actually appears to at the end ~ good lead to a mystery or noir story*Star*

Vivid scenic descriptions abound ~ i.e., the aura ("aurora"?) of "pre-dinner aperitif" tarnished by the morning light..." but I see a bit of telling in some of the scenes, i.e., the fragmented sentences in the third paragraph where Martha's acceptance of her life is described. Could be a bit more active if using her voice.

A bit of tightening to lead up to the seminal phrase "...Bill decided this was the common ground in their relationship...."*Star*

"The silence dragged its feet across the room refusing to leave the couple alone." ~ sounds like many a couple's routine evening*Star*

I look foreward to reading more of Bill and Martha's story ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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199
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


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*Star**Star**Star*


I see a journey, at first uphill, with many obstacles, where one finds grace to continue through faith and by putting trust in that grace. Though the journey is ongoing, the traveler seeks not only self-fulfillment but the ability to share that grace with others and help others along the way. A heartwarming essay.*Heart*

The detailed examples draw the reader into a story, so that the message conveyed becomes more personal and memorable*Star* Grace can touch everyday events and experiences; grace can be found if one is open to it, and shared with others.*Thumbsup*

As an essay, the transitions are occasionally uneven in tense changes, suggest using quotes or italics to separate the other voice, i.e., the second paragraph, "...Told me, "You are never alone. Never alone." or "...Told me I am never alone." I think the quotes or italics might have more impact in story form.

also a couple places that have a quick tense change, i.e., sixth paragraph, "And grace pours out. You hold me close..." (in place of poured out) where past and present collide???

Thank you for sharing this beautiful message of hope ~ at places waxing poetic (i.e., "I do not have a direction, I do not have a clue. I do not have anything Lord, except for you.") that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of The Jazz Boy  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


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*Star**Star**Star*


Desire for the ethereal, the image of being in love with the idea of love comes to me, as does an image of friendship budding to romance, until the moment of truth, when desire is met and the realization that it was the longing that made it special, which remains throughout the poem.

Reading aloud as a story poem, the progressionof images is logical and believable, with detailed examples showing the progression of the relationship, and the longing, or perhaps memory of the longing, that remains, full circle.

The length of the lines in the stanzas expand and then contract again as the relationship is debated with the vivid details offered, then tighten as the conclusion is reached that it was an image not real, but still there in the memory of the heart.

I would suggest only keeping the tense more active, i.e., third stanza, "You said you were lying in the grass..." and later "You tell me..." perhaps consider perhaps starting the third line with his quote to keep it more active and not change the tense from past to present in the same stanza??? Also, consider more active last line fifth stanza, "...who I moved on from you with." ???

The connotations of "jazz" as both music and the nature of a relationship runs through the poem and stays with me after I have finished reading. Thank you for sharing htis reflective work on the nature of relationships.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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