This is hilarious! I literally laughed out loud in some parts (which mind you, I rarely do.) The ending didn't even make sense! But by all means, don't change it. I had a feeling it wast supposed. I also appreciate you gave him an odd name, some people just don't appreciate that. Not Tom, or Shawn, but Vikram? The milkshake reference was my favorite, and I loved your word choice. Sometimes it takes me a while, like oxymoronic shorts? Then I realized he was short so the shorts would really be pants for him. I do like having to figure things out like that also. I hope to read some of your other stories as well (if there are any) Keep Writing!
-Cami
Take the gift points back, I don't review for them.
I had a laugh reading this little bit. It was nice and short, short and sweet, but not too sweet all at the same time. I found no spelling errors, though I try not to judge based on that. I do like the analogies you used as the rock found itself a chair and how he um had problems with his cigar and whatnot.
Please excuse the 4, I rarely even give a four and a half.
this was great! be proud.
Hmmm.... I have read the entire story about twice so I believe it fair that I give it a review. It was a perfect length for online reading though I'm not sure a child would enjoy this. The story flows together quite nicely, almost poetically in fact. You are however rather blunt when stating she was run over by a car. That part could have been worded better. I also believe the bit about the bathroom should be removed, because it sounds rather awkward. The message you are trying to convey was plain and simple and easy for a child to understand.
This really was a great story. The creature you made up had much thought put into it. The story you sort of told from forwards to backwards which i like. In the beginning it didn't make much sense but at the end, it made perfect sense because it was the grandfather hallucinating. Though you aren't quite sure he's hallucinating but I guess that keeps the plot-line interesting. Its nice and short, perfect for reading online. I have no problems with this
-Please continue writing
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