Nice continuation to this...
I can see now how your character's are beginning to take on a life of their own. A little bit more description could be used on the female character's, but otherwise it's very good.
I really enjoyed reading this piece, but was disappointed to see that it did not continue.
There appears to be quite a bit going on here. Your descriptions are crisp and "paintable". As well, the undertones of the storyline give a bit of mystery that screams to be released.
I noticed one editing problem-
"Is he alive," Kædon asked genuinely. (Should have a question mark since it is a question)
I love this! Of course not the beating, even though I felt as if I was also receiving it, but the way that the "living daylights" became the doppleganger! Quite ingengious!
Now I left to wonder though, what happened to that poor little girl?!
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest". Thanks for entering!
A very sweet memorial to a woman that meant so very much to you. In regards to the contest, I believe that you could possibly have touched on the "nothing" portion a bit more, but that is just my opinion.
Some editing points that need looking at (please wait until final judging is over)
Although, I new that I had to focus on my son,who was premature.
~knew
~fragmented sentence
“self, why are you feeling sorrow? Is it because...
~ no closing quote
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest". Thanks for entering!
This is a wonderful piece showing how lost and pain can set us on new career as well as life paths. I'm not quite sure how you developed the "feel nothing" aspect of the quote, but the "pain" was apparent.
It's too bad that teens get so caught up in the uncontrollable drama of life, they lose out on the fun that they should be having.
Characterization of characters is strong and believeable making the story easy to follow.
Plot is filled with energy, pulls to reader to the dramatic conclusion.
Don't you just hate it when teachers think that they know everything!
Believable characters make this story an enjoyable read. Description of them and their thoughts help to define them further. Plot moves along at a good pace, with a wonderful shock at the end.
It's a wonder sometimes how any of can manage to communicate when the meaning can get so messed up.
It's like when someone says "their sleeping together." Are they really?!? Or is it actually as innocent as the word sleep implies? Just another thought to ponder...
It's amazing how far technology has come in such an amazingly short time! I'm not that old (42) and I can remeber a time before remotes, microwaves, IPods and laptops!
Oops a typo-
The saying of old and wise is plitically incorrect,
A very helpful article for anyone just engaged and contemplating the cost of their dream wedding.
I do have one thought though- add in personal experiences. Suggestions are great, but actual experieinces are so much better! Links to craft sites and decorating sites would also be helpful.
It looks and sounds to me that this is involving some very deep feelings that this person just doesn't want to admit, but yet can't help obsessing about.
I like the capitalization if the letters to show the intesity of the spirit...
What an incredibly visable thing for you to do! I'm wondering how many people might have stopped you to ask about the reason for the hair coloring? Or was this information known to just a few?
Anyway the poem that accompany's your picture is quite good, explain the reasoning for the hair color and your thoughts and prayers.
Such a sad and at the same time, beautiful story. It is the type of story that should be read in the high school sex ed classes. It's not just the girls that have to learn the consiquences to their actions. Becoming a father is a big deal, I'm gald that you were able to build a bond between you both.
again a wonderful year filled with the antics of Fred.
I am wondering about the 'possums, though. Weren't you worried about where the mother was? I've heared that they can get pretty mean. I'm also surprised that Fred was so understanding to them.
By the way, I believe that the correct spelling is Rapunzel
I absolutely love reading about this wonderful cat! As most cat lover's know "they allow us to live with them, not the other way around."
I remember my grandmother's cat used to sit on the back of her chair and watch the bird's come and go from her many birdfeeder's. I used to love to watch him watch them.
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